I am a (20M) and recently left my girlfriend (20F) after 4 years. She has always been perfect with me, I have nothing to reproach her for. According to her, she would even have been ready to spend her life with me. During those years I always gave my all for her and helped her a lot.
However, I’ve always had my doubts, I gave 100% for her but I thought I could have a different youth with light relationships.
So recently I told her I wanted to put the relationship on hold to reflect on our relationship. I still love her more than anyone. I just sometimes feel like I’m missing out on my life and I don’t want to wait until I start a family to say I should have enjoyed my youth. Youth is a time to discover and try things (relationships with other girls).
I’m lost and I feel like I met her too soon. Do I know if this is the woman of my life or just my first serious relationship?
Am I taking too much on for nothing and should I make our relationship last?
Please know that I have always been loyal and if I put a definitive end to this relationship it will be some time before I can try something else and don’t think I’m trying to justify a desire to have fun in light relationships!
In France we have a quote that says don’t leave the woman who loves you for a girl you like.
I hope I posted in the right place, this is only my second time on Reddit and English is not my native language.
TL;DR how am I supposed to approach my first serious relationship, which started when I was 16, vis-à-vis the feeling of sometimes missing out on things?
5 comments
If you have had doubts the entire 4 years of dating, then you made the right choice to end it.
You both deserve someone who is all in. There is no “putting someone on hold” though. You either want her and keep her or you let her go.
I get the feeling of needing to sow your royal oats and all that, I just hope you aren’t ruining a good thing. But yeah, if you’ve had doubts the whole time, seems best to end it. Just don’t expect her to be waiting with open arms, if it’s done it’s done.
I think something that could help is exploring this feeling of “discovering and trying things”. Are there ways you can gain satisfaction of exploration, and gaining new life experiences, while remaining in the relationship? For example, if your goal is to meet new girls, how would you feel about gaining solid quality friendships with them? If your goal is more sexual, could you explore this with your current partner?
I say this because like /u/ahdrielle said, there’s no guarantee that a girl you leave for other girls will want to date you again when you return. I wouldn’t criticize you at all if your desire for exploration and gaining new experiences in your youth is greater than your desire for relationship stability. You do you. Just don’t expect to have it both ways, where you can branch out to new types of relationships, while also expecting security in the relationship you leave in the process.
You said don’t leave the girl you love for the one you like yet this post is about leaving for a girl that doesn’t even exist. Seems like you just want to be single
Life is big. And we’re always at some kind of crossroads. And at each of those decision points lies a door we pass through and others we close behind us.
She’s a door you’re choosing to close behind you.
Is it the right decision? Does it matter? You’re leaving her to live the kind of life you’ve always envisioned.
That’s okay.
Just don’t hurt her more than you have to. Make it a clean break.
Decades in the future, she’ll be a footnote in your story. And you in hers. And hopefully, you’ll both have good memories of discovering love together.