I think I’ve been facing the Paradox of Choice lately.
Met someone great but there are a lot of obstacles to the relationship maturing at the pace I remembered from, say, my 20s. The relationship needs to mature in order to know what someone is really like.
We basically feel exclusive, but haven’t talked about it.
Feels kind of like a relationship purgatory. I should be seeing other people at this stage, but it still feels kind of wrong. If we become exclusive, I’m afraid I would feel undue pressure to end things over perceived imperfections.
Also it took years to find someone worth more than a couple dates. I don’t want to just discard that.
7 comments
If you don’t want to just end things then you should have a conversation about where you’re both at and what you want from the relationship
If she doesn’t ask you for exclusivity, you can continue meeting other women.
What are the obstacles? Because if I meet someone who is really great who I want to get to know better, I’m generally happy to prioritize them and be exclusive. An exclusive relationship is not the massive commitment some people seem to think it is; it’s just not dating and sleeping with other people. If you decide you really want to date/sleep with other people, you can easily end a committed relationship. We’re not talking about marriage here.
I would like to ask what do you mean by “feel pressured to end things over perceived imperfections?” (Gonna do a little armchair-ing here-if thats ok)
Like if you make the relationship exclusive you will suddenly feel the urge to get out of that relationship? Or do you mean that if you are dating multiple people and one wants to be exclusive you will feel pressured to make a choice based on “little information”?
If it’s the first one that something that could indicate an attachment issue on your part and until that gets fixed it’s gonna be hard for you to have healthy relationships.
If it’s the second then I can definitely understand your anxiety in the situation. I would have had the same thoughts. Personally I’ve only ever really dated two people max at the same time. And usually after like date #3 or 4 it’s clear to me which one I liked better.
When I find myself so into a girl that I am not even interested in meeting new people, or it feels like “cheating” even though you haven’t had that conversation, and the thought of her seeing other guys really bugs me, then I will have that conversation. “Hey so, I really like you a lot, and I’m not really interested in anyone else, what are your thoughts on the matter?” and see if she feels the same way about you. IME if she doesn’t come back with enthusiastically wanting to be exclusive, you should just end things then and there, because one person being way more into the other never turns out well.
I’m always automatically exclusive. If I’ve been talking to a girl and then another one comes along that I feel a stronger connection with, I will immediately wind things down with the former.
i dont, doesnt seem like a smart move to limit my options.