Any advice would be appreciated. My girlfriend told me that she deserves at least the bare minimum from me and she’s not getting it. When I ask her where I am dropping the ball, she’s unable tell me so I can’t fix anything that bugs her. I take her on dates, we go for walks, I take her on lake trips, I go out of my way to do things for her family, I invite her to hangout with my friends/family, etc and I am just at a loss on what to and I don’t know what she wants from me.
Every time I try to get into a deep talk with her about how I feel about her, she thinks I don’t mean anything I say which somehow turns into me begging her to believe me. She gets upset with me and I ask her to vent but she doesn’t want to vent, she tells me “I want to vent in person”. But when we are in person she only says “I have nothing to say”.
When we text, she used to be so fun to talk to. After so many months she’s become very short with me over texting and blames “hating to text it’s pointless”. That’s fine, but it’s hard for me to have any good conversation with her when I’m not with her because she puts no effort into responding, yet somehow it turns into me not caring about her anymore. I also feel like sometimes maybe she thinks she can do bare minimum yet expects the world. I don’t know… I can’t remember the last time she said something nice about me/us, sometimes she says her effort is just doing things with my family, or coming over to spend the night at my place.
Does anyone know what to do or can anyone help me? I tried Googling things to help but everything that’s bare minimum on websites are things I already do. This is an assumption, but I genuinely worry that she watches a lot tiktok videos of unrealistic relationship things and expects me to be someone that will never exist.
Tl-dr: My girlfriend needs me to do more than bare minimum but can’t say what. Am I in the wrong here or do I need to do things differently?
10 comments
It seems like there might be a communication issue between you two. Try having a calm, in-person conversation and ask her to be specific about her expectations. It’s possible she has unrealistic ideas from social media, but you won’t know until you talk openly about it. Keep in mind that a healthy relationship is built on communication, understanding, and equal effort from both partners.
That’s pretty unbalanced man, kind of toxic (if not very toxic). She’s letting her emotions get the better of your relationship and not articulating what her issues are. I would at the very least stand my ground and pull back from her. If it continues and it’s not working, you know what to do.
Why are you so desperate to hold on to a relationship where you partner refuses to communicate, doesn’t want to bother texting you, and just doesn’t seem to really like you? It’s been 6 months, just end it.
The answer is there’s probably nothing you can do because your partner refuses to communicate and blames you for that. She’s expecting you to read her mind but isn’t giving you anything to work with.
You can tell her, “I want to do more, but what I need from you is to talk to me and tell me what exactly isn’t enough for you and what you expect, and I need you to give me the benefit of the doubt and trust I’m being completely sincere in my efforts, but you’re not giving me anything to work with.”
If she tells you it’s a you problem, then I think you know what the only option is, because she will not change.
My guy, it’s been 6 months. This is supposed to be the easy part of a relationship. Imagine this nonsense for years and then try adding kids into the mix. If you need it, try to have one more serious sit-down, but honestly, this sounds exhausting and for 6 months in.
And what exactly is she doing for you except nothing but complain about an issue only she knows? Also wouldn’t communicating fall under the bare minimum? At least you are trying while she does nothing.
Really just sounds like she’s not into you. There’s no winning here, if she can’t even tell you what she needs from you. You’ll lose your mind trying to please her. Just move on.
She isn’t giving an answer because she doesn’t have one. She wants out but she doesn’t want to leave for no reason, so she’s waiting for you to give her one. Once you slip up, or she loses patience, she’s gone.
This relationship has run its course. Time to break up.
This girl is gaslighting the heck out of you. She isn’t who she was in the beginning, this is who she actually is. Covert narcissist right there. Look it up, they make you feel sorry for them and love bomb you in the beginning. Then after some time nothing is ever good enough, they are unhappy because they have unrealistic expectations of you and the relationship. They can’t tell you what is wrong because it is about what is wrong with them, not you.
Get out before it’s too late.