Am I [24F] asking too much of my boyfriend [22M] or is our relationship is over?

Our relationship had a bit of a rocky start. It’s a little much to go into but basically we’re co-workers who met while he was hooking up with other co-workers including someone who would go on to become my best friend. I didn’t let him know I was interested until I was sure he wasn’t hooking up with anyone else. We started talking and after about two months he asked me to be his girlfriend. I found out a few weeks later that he was hooking up with another co-worker right before we made things official and that he was still getting nudes from her (and supposedly responding to them) while we were together. ~cue trust issues~. It took me a bit but I was able to mostly get over that.

We, or at least I, have been struggling with intimacy issues since the beginning of our relationship. He does have a rather large penis with a mushroom head and he takes no consideration into that whatsoever. The first time we had sex, he penetrated me so hard and fast that I was spotting and had to put on ice pack down there the entire next day. I could barely move I was in so much pain. Also when I give him head, he will shove his penis into my throat as far as it can go which is not cool because it literally causes my throat to go into spasm which also hurts. I have told him so many times to be gentler while we’re having any kind of sex but he just does not listen. I also suggested we get something that prevents his penis from going the whole way inside of me so we can both enjoy sex and not have to worry about pain and his response was “no I don’t really want to do that because I don’t think it would feel as good, I think you just need to learn how to take it, we can just use more lube.” Which wouldn’t even fix what’s wrong because the problem is that I struggle with him going too deep. I have actually even considered going to see a doctor because I have never experienced such pain with sex in my life. So yeah, our sex life is pretty much non-existent at this point.

Also, he basically lives at my apartment even though he has a perfectly nice apartment of his own. He uses all my stuff and honestly never leaves despite me telling him I need space. I had to ask him to get his own bar of soap because he was constantly using mine, I had to ask him to get his own coffee because he was going through all of mine, I had to ask him to not push my dog because he didn’t like when he would jump on the bed, I had to ask him to brush his teeth because his breath smelled bad, I had to teach him how to wash his hair so it wasn’t greasy as all hell every day, I had to tell him to brush his hair after a shower so it didn’t dry in his face (This actually really bothered me, he would walk around with his long hair covering most of his face and not move it at all, even when he was talking to someone. (I finally told him it actually makes him look extremely creepy and like the severely depressed misunderstood loner that he has admitted to feeling like sometimes which maybe I shouldn’t have done but he was just not getting the hint).

Now I know I asked a lot of him but I feel like I should not have even had to ask him to do basic hygiene or to contribute if he was going to be practically living at my place. I can tell he’s pulling away lately and I know it’s because of our intimacy issues and how I’ve basically been his mother and I can’t help but feel like this is my fault. Whenever he’s around me he’s cold, distant and never smiles but when he’s around other women (including the co-worker he hooked up with who became my best friend – she actually entertains him right in front of me despite knowing how sad I’ve been lately but that’s another story) he’s smiling, laughing and having a good time and it just hurts and honestly makes me feel like shit. There are a lot more little stories and details but I don’t want to keep typing because I could go on and on. Now he does have his positives, which is the reason I stay, but I don’t think they’re outweighing the negatives. He knows how I have trust issues and how I struggle with intimacy because of past traumas and he still does everything i mentioned. I just need an outside opinion TIA.

TLDR; I feel like I’ve been asking a lot of my boyfriend but it’s things like asking him to brush his teeth, comb his hair, to give me space and to contribute if he’s going to be living at my apartment. I can tell he’s pulling away because of these requests and because of my intimacy issues. He laughs and smiles around other people and is cold and distant when I’m around. I have to work so hard to pull a smile or a laugh from him yet I’ll walk into a bar with friends and he’s there smiling and laughing and drinking with one of my good friends (an attractive female). I can’t tell if I’m the problem and I expect too much or if he has a lot to work on.