I (18f) have been seeing this guy (18m )for almost half a year. we were friends then became friends with benefits but I recently asked him to be exclusive. the first couple of times we slept together I would ask if he wanted a bj and he politely declined so I gathered he wasn’t in the mood for one. I left it alone for a while until it was brought up again another time during sex when I started kinda heading my way towards down there and he brings me back up and says ” no its okay “. it mostly confused me since every guy I’ve ever slept with always wanted head. later on I asked him if there’s a reason why ( I also asked if he has any trauma tied to it. if he did i wouldnt bring it back up) and he says no and that he’s never had one. im the first person hes ever been sexual with.
fast forward to us dating. I talk to him about it again and he claims that I don’t even like giving head and that’s one of the reason he doesn’t desire any. which one time I did tell him that with all my past partners I felt very obligated to give them head and that it made me dislike doing it. I explained that I want to do this for him and that I actually do enjoy it. but he keeps saying that even tho he hasn’t had one , he doesn’t want it. I, of course , would never force that and I don’t bring up the issue much since i respect his wishes. I don’t wanna come off as pushy. it does bum me out a bit. mostly because it feels like I might be the problem and also since I genuinely want to make him feel good in that way. I know he’s slightly insecure about how fast he finishes so maybe he’s worried it’ll be over quick ? but honestly I find it extremely flattering and hot since he doesn’t completely give up after he comes , he focuses just on me instead. which is a first. like I said before I’ve been with multiple guys but none of them have ever made me come or make me feel as good as he does. he’s an amazing guy all around. I just really wanna get to the bottom of this one thing.
so is there any guys out there who also feel the same way he does ? if you’re comfortable sharing , could anyone maybe explain as to why he could possibly be so adverse to it. should I try to talk to him about it again or just leave it alone ? any advice appreciated thanks !
8 comments
if he’s uncomfortable with it maybe u should give up on that.
Because he blamed you, I think it is reasonable to continue to dispel his misunderstanding. Tell him you know what you told him about other guys and oral sex, but that you are very sexually excited to suck his big dick. Hopefully he will allow you or will explain what concerns he may have. There is probably a small percentage of guys who do not like receiving oral sex.
I wouldn’t obsess on it. Maybe you’re right he does not want to prematurely ejaculate. Or hee hung up on what you said. Either way if it’s gonna happen likely will be when you’re both already turned on and you just go for it…slowly I suggest
I think he took to heart what you said about previous partners. He even said “you don’t even like giving head”. Maybe you can try and switch it around on him and say “can you please let me suck your dick because it turns me on, even if you don’t want it or like it, do you mind if I do it for me because it will make me super wet”
He told you: “You don’t like doing it.” That is his perception. I have turned down BJs for the same reason. You are going to have to convince him that you may not have liked giving BJs to your previous partners, but that you do like to give it to him.
For a lot of men, myself included, it is somewhat difficult to bend their mind round the fact that a woman may actually like giving a BJ and may even enjoy having her BF’s dick in her mouth. I am divorced. My ex refused to give me a BJ for the entire duration of our relationship and I never pressed the issue. My GF now has had some struggle to convince me that she actually, really wanted to give me one.
Whatever the reason, why do the work when you don’t have to? Do you know how many woman would love to have this problem hahaha
I think it would be important to understand why you want to do this to him after, by your own admission, feeling “obligated” to do it with past partners, even if you didn’t want to. Surely now having a partner who doesn’t want it would be a relief for you? Curious that now suddenly when you have a partner who is pointedly refusing the act, now you are wanting to do it.
Honest question here, no judgement intended: do you want to do it for him now because of the excitement of being his first?
Once you identify your reason for wanting, you can talk to him. As an inexperienced man, he will of course be on high alert for any way he can make sure he doesn’t screw up like a “typical man” so having been told by you that in past relationships it was something you did purely out of obligation that WILL sound like you don’t enjoy it and just do it because you are “supposed to” and yes, speaking as a man, nothing is less sexy than to know you are being offered something in bed simply out of duty.
Once you have identified WHY you suddenly want to do something you previously didn’t, you will be able to express this to him. Of course, even if you do let him know exactly why you now want to, he still has the right to refuse and if he does, you need to accept that.
I don’t really like getting BJs either. It’s mostly because other people have sucked at it (pun intended) and it took the allure of them away for me. I always felt weird not wanting them when ever other guy my age thought it was better than anything else. Having been with multiple guys, everyone’s a little weird when it comes to sex. It’s just something we need to accept and move on. Also, if you’ve mentioned that you don’t like it, maybe he can’t get into it knowing that. First impressions mean a lot.