My(24F) fiancé(28M) has a friend(32M) that he has known for almost a decade. That friend (who I will call “D” from here on out) is engaged with a new born baby. Recently D has between apartments and asked my fiance if he could stay with us instead of staying with his fiance and baby in an airbnb, which I agreed to under the guise that it would only be for a week.
We are now heading into week three of him staying and tensions are high. He is incredibly rude to me (but not to my fiance) as well as our small dog and despite multiple talks he has not let up on the behavior. We also have not given him a key because I didn’t meet him up until he stayed at our house so I didn’t feel comfortable with D having full reign of the house but as a side effect we have to stay up and let him in at night otherwise he starts smacking the door until we wake up and let him in. My fiance has offered to kick him out several times but I have said no because I don’t want him to throw away a nearly decade long relationship because of me.
This all came to ahead a couple days ago when he came into our bedroom at 1 in the morning and said he was going out for a coffee. I was confused but my fiance went white as a sheet and told him it was a bad idea. D waved it off and left. I asked what that was about and it turns out “out for a coffee” was actually him hooking up with another girl. Now I have never met his fiance, only heard of her and the baby once in conversation but I don’t feel comfortable with him cheating while in our home and her not knowing. My fiance says if D doesn’t stop, he’s going to kick him out but I think we also tell his fiance what he’s been doing, how should I approach this? Do I just kick him out or should I try to contact the fiance?
TLDR My fiances friend has been cheating on his partner while staying with us and I’m not sure what steps I should take next.
32 comments
This guy sounds like a real loser. You should definitely tell his fiance and kick him out.
Your husband won’t lose any sleep over not being friends with this guy, because he knows he’s a scumbag.
Kick him out and tell his fiancé!! Your fiancé should be the one to kick him out because they are friends. You and your fiancé can be the one to tell D’s fiancé because you’re on the same level with her. Definitely don’t let him just slide by
The time to kick him out was 2 weeks ago. Especially since his stay is not only causing unreasonable hardships on your day-to-day living. The fact that he’s a shitty guy who cheats on his baby mama is all the more reason to kick his ass out.*
>Now I have never met his fiance…
I was already going to suggest “don’t get yourself involved in their relationship” before reading your post. Now I *definitely* recommend not getting yourself involved. You don’t know his fiance or his relationship with them. Your word is as good as a complete stranger’s. Inserting yourself into their relationship with this news only opens yourself up to blowback and inserts yourself into D’s drama and life, during a time when he’s trying to sleep in your place.
Did he do a shitty thing? Absolutely. Does she deserve to know? I’d say so. But it’s not your place to get involved, and getting involved opens you up to a wide range of risks.
*When I suggest kicking him out, I’m referring to telling your fiance how you feel and encouraging this to be a mutual decision, rather than just yours.
Kick that grown mess of a man out! You guys are indirectly enabling his behavior. He should be with his family! It’s not necessarily you guys place to tell his fiancé what he’s up to but your partner should absolutely make him feel like sh*t for what he is doing and ask him to leave.
I would both kick him out and tell his fiance immediately.
I would generally say to not get involved with a situation between one complete stranger and a near stranger. For the overstaying his welcome, your fiance needs to kick him out. If he is uncomfortable doing so, you have a nuclear-level card to play: “Leave or I spill the beans to your partner.”
Dude what the fuck. Your fiancé would be better off without such a shitty friend anyways. Mean to you and your DOG?? Staying with you instead of his WIFE AND NEWBORN CHILD??? After reading that. cheating on his fiancé and the mother of his child almost seems mild. This guy sucks hard. Kick his ass out and cut off all contact. I’d advise your husband do the same, but it’s his life.
you’re not ending the friendship because of you, you’re ending it because he is an ass hat.
He has a fiancé and a newborn but doesn’t want to stay where they are staying? I don’t even need to know anything else about this guy to say your fiancé should not be friends with this guy.
Get him out before he establishes tenant rights. Personally I stay outta other people’s drama so I would not get involved, but if you wanta tell his baby mama, go for it AFTER HE IS OUT.
Please tell his fiancée. She deserves to know.
To me it sounds like he got kicked out by his fiance already and is just making something up to freeload off of you guys.
What the heck….you should of kicked this man out a long time ago.
Insane that you would continue to allow disrespect in your own home.
You are the company you keep. A friend who shows no respect for relationships and loyalty would not be welcome anywhere near me or my relationship.
First of all, why hes not staying with his partner AND the newborn??? Thats already fucked up as it seems. Then, the moment he went out for a booty call, it was the moment he should be out, his partner should know what hes doing, hes already looking like trash she needs to take out. Fuck him and fuck the 10y long relationship.
Who NEEDS all this drama with such an obviously shitty person?!?
Just kick him out already—-and don’t ever invite him back!
This is a very weird situation. Why is he announcing he is cheating by barging in your room at 1 am? Why is his fiancé not there with him? Where is the baby? What the hell is going on? Get rid of this guy, there’s nothing good going on here.
Idk to me it sounds like his fiance may already know that’s why he’s not living with her. Also it’s possible she went to stay with family and the dirt bag is lying.
What kind of friend is this? There might be a reason D is between apartments at the moment instead of staying with his fiance.
But that isn’t the biggest deal to me. If I invite a friend to stay, and he is disrespectful to my wife and pet, they gotta go. If we’re not friends after that, then we weren’t really friends to begin with.
Stop preventing your husband from kicking him out and let it go down.
I’m not sure how well you know the fiance, but I’m mixed on this. On one hand, you don’t know the situation in that household, and you should focus on distancing yourself from him and all members unless you like drama. Plus you don’t know how the fiance is going to react. It can go ALOT of ways.
On the flip side, you could be saving her time, money, and a headache from a divorce when D’s bullshit comes to light.
I would lean more towards say something than don’t, mostly because he seems to have it coming.
Easy kick him out let him be someone else’s drama.
>I don’t want him to throw away a nearly decade long relationship because of me
Honestly, if he’s offered to kick him out, it’s not something that he either thinks will ruin the friendship or it’s a friendship he’s okay with letting go. The fact that he’s continued to be rude to you after you and your fiance have talked to him about it is incredibly bogus. As for the cheating, yeah that’s fucked. You would be justified in telling D’s fiance but your fiance should probably be the one to break the news.
I mean- your fiancé has said he’s willing to kick him out and you’re fighting it for what?
He’s a bad person, and he’s rude alongside it. Stop martyring yourself and get him out of there. And tell the fiancé too
You don’t keep friendships with folks like D.
Let the partner know, kick out D, and have the partner stay with you folks. She’s gonna need some love and support.
Your fiancé kicking him out shouldn’t ruin their friendship. That guy treating you and your home like a bachelor crash pad will ruin it all on his own.
Ew so he’s letting his partner take care of the baby by herself while he cheats? Kick him out and TELL HER. she deserves to know. What if he brings home an STI to them?
Op I hate to say it but it’s apparent your fiancé is ready to lose this friendship. He’s willing to kick his friend out for you and respect the mother of POS child. Let go of the reigns on your man and let him handle it.
> D having full *reign* of the house
It *is* annoying when someone parades through your house with a robe and a crown, waving his sceptre around.
Seriously, kick him out.
I would do both. I mean, it was already a red flag that he’s staying with a friend instead of with his fiancée and newborn??? Now to cheat and be open about it – maybe he’s a great friend but he sure isn’t a good person. Your fiancé can deal with losing this kind of friend.
Why is your fiancé so bent on waiting for you to call this? He knows. He’s not okay with it. He needs to own it and get him out.
Since it’s his friend, your partner needs to tell his friend it’s time to go (and take accountability for the decision.) Until then, you both are enabling him.
What kind of 30+ year old man burdens his friends by staying for 3+ weeks and also partying/cheating on his partner?? A definite loser, your husband isn’t losing much of a friend in this guy. Regardless of how long it’s been.
If you don’t kick him out by day 30 it will become very challenging. You will need to issue a formal eviction and give a minimum of 30 days notice.