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I just don’t understand why a woman has to act the same every guy she comes in contact…
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37 comments
“be yourself.”
No, that’s the problem.
If anything goes wrong then you just dump her ass and move on to the next person.
Which is stupid as hell because things always go wrong at some point.
To focus on one aspect but not the others. For example “All you have to do is get rich then all the women gonna want you”. Just misguidance because you can also improve in other areas like emotional maturity/intelligence and it will help you out big time.
And the other one is “just talk to her” which makes sense sometimes but also I feel like this is just used regardless of situation and in case of abusive or unfavourable situations, it just sets the guy up for more hurt.
“just be yourself”
Naah, fam. If just being myself worked, I wouldn’t be single. You gotta bring something to the table above and beyond ‘yourself’ to even get a shot, let alone find someone.
“It’ll happen when you aren’t looking.”
Well, I’m not looking for 33 years, and I’m a 33-year-old virgin…
“Don’t take no for an answer.”
If she’s not into you, leave her alone.
A couple of hot takes and “be yourself’s” in here, I’ll try and give you something different.
I’m gonna go a bit meta here.
The worst advice is that we’re told is that we have so many options and it’s not that we’re told by a person necessarily but more by the way society is set up now. Dating apps, instagram, bars, clubs, universities.
2 generations ago if you wanted a relationship there was basically 50 people total as prospects and you “settled” for one of them in your local town.
Today there is literally potentially millions of possible people you could meet without leaving your couch. This has tricked our brains into devaluing a working relationship and thinking there is something better.
The reality is that [relationships are hard](https://dstlld.substack.com/p/how-to-lose-a-girl-in-60-seconds) but that they are fucking worth it and the advice the world gives us is to just move on if everything isn’t rosy forever.
I got married a little over a month ago and I can tell you I put more work into the relationship now than when we first started dating.
“Don’t compromise”. All relationships are a compromise. If you decide you’re dead set and unwavering on yourself or what you demand in a partner you’re going to be deeply disappointed and will probably never grow. Healthy growth comes from adaptation and being willing to continually change over the years is highly valuable.
The whole “it’ll just happen naturally stop looking” shtick. That only works for people that are naturally very social which generally aren’t the people that struggle getting dates. If you aren’t putting yourself out there in mixed company frequently you are going to die alone because guess what people can’t date someone they never spoke too.
Act like you don’t care
I mean it’s already been said or it should be
“Be yourself” only works for women.
The better answer is
“Be attractive”
If women were 100 percent honest about what they like about the guys they actually date this wouldn’t be a problem.
“If you’re kind and respectful to women they’ll fall in love with you”
This was really emphasized hard when I was younger
I heard this.
“Women like wealth and power. If you want to keep a woman’s attention show her your value by buying her gifts, toss her a couple hundred to go shopping….”
Yeah, no. That’s how you get a woman who doesn’t give a shit about you and will drop you the second you face hard times. You’re basically hiring someone for the girlfriend experience. Not getting an actual girlfriend.
I find a lot of men who espouse this viewpoint are simply incapable of attracting women without buying their attention
It is, indeed, “just be yourself.”
Dating is a dance, whether you like it or not, and you should try to learn some moves.
The whole “I’m going to play hard to get and not text her for five days even though we hit it off and all I want to do is talk to her” move.
As a man it drives me nuts. She’s going to think you’re not interested and that you lack communication skills, dummy.
Not specifically for men but “don’t go out looking for love. It will find you.” I think that’s ridiculous and gives men, specifically, an excuse to continue living a lazy life. I (M28) have reached a point in my life where I want to go out every weekend, heck even weekdays, just to maybe run in to someone I find attractive, so I can talk to them. However, my friends who are the same age, would rather stay at home after work and just play video games, thus never meeting anybody. You aren’t going to meet someone by being anti social. Your future wife isn’t going to break into your home.
“You just have to wait and the right one will show up.” Unfortunately, the onus is almost entirely on men for making the first move, so that doesn’t really work for most people. There are exceptions of course, but they aren’t common.
Your first date does not have to be a grand thing and should be something simple where you can actually have a conversation
“You have to fight for her!”
Nah bruh, if you gotta fight for attention you ain’t being chosen. Ain’t no pickme girl shit out here.
Ok so when men ask women dating advice sometimes they say “don’t do _____, it’s such a turn off.” And that’s good advice.
But sometimes women say “don’t do ______, all my ex boyfriends, in fact every single man I’ve ever been attracted to, did that exact thing…” and if you follow that advice you be come her gay best friend who she complains to whenever the guy she’s fucking does that thing…
you can always win an argument with “yes dear”
my wife has a zero tolerance yes dear policy.
“She will tell you”
“Don’t contact her before 3 days.”
I hated that because if I like her, I’ll call her.
My fucking health teacher told the boys in the class, when she says no she most likely really means yes. Don’t take no for an answer.He also taught us that men who smoke should never smoke with the cigarette between your first and second finger. Always the thumb and first finger.1984 8th grade health class in Southern New Mexico.
“The worst thing she can say is no”
“Persistence pays off.”
That whole “play it cool, don’t be too eager, don’t respond to messages too quickly” mind-game nonsense is bad advice.
Treat em mean keep em keen. Good way to lose em really.
Just work on yourself and quality women will magically appear in your life 😂
In my experience, almost ALL dating advice assumes you can already get a woman to talk to you. So, all dating advice is the worst advice.
That negging is a strategy that works. I’ve had it happen multiple times where I was told after the guy apologized that it was something they heard works online.
Lol.
It doesn’t work. 99% of women will not speak to you EVER again. The 1% that do? Well tbh there’s so much damage there that you probably don’t wanna deal with lol.
Likely will get lost in the comments but I’ll say it anyway: “Dating is not a competition”
Yes, it absolutely is. I had a guy a few weeks ago argue up and down with me on here that seeing dating in competitive terms is inherently sexist because it’s not a competition. Human males, like 99% of animals in the animals kingdom, compete for a mate. I’m not saying that’s healthy or even that we should uphold those patterns, but dating is absolutely competitive at some level.
Human psychology and behavior has evolved through the centuries, but our dating habits are still based on some pretty primitive behaviors. There is a load of research to back this up.
That looks don’t matter.
Looks matter to women as much as they matter to you.
Play games.
Don’t *ever* play games.
Just be happy with any woman that wants you. You’re ugly!!!
Was told this alot growing up.
“Ignore her”
Worst piece of advice ever. People are more comfortable with familiarity. Talk to her and actually get to know each other. She’s a person same as you.
Heard this from an old man at a bar
3 day rule
You go on a date with a girl and you hit it off. You like her and want to see her again. You go home and wait 3 days to text her and tell her you enjoyed your time and would like to do it again.
By that time she’s already moved on.