Throwaway account and sorry for formatting because I am on mobile.
I don’t even know where to begin. I (26F) work remotely at home while looking after my son. I also do all of the housework and I am the main breadwinner. I try my best to keep on top of the home and garden but struggle with the yard work due to a partial disability.
My fiancé (M33) and father of our son, believes I do nothing. He constantly tells me I don’t do enough or anything around the home. He says he’s sick of doing everything. He criticises how I do the dishes, laundry and even mop the floor. Due to the nature of my job, I am often working when he comes home and he goes out of his way to stop that.
Not only this but he rarely does anything for our son. He has changed maybe one diaper his whole life and ignores him when he is at home. It kills me inside to see my son asking to play and his father lying in bed watching tv or playing video games.
I just feel at a loss. Is it me? I guess I just need some advice. We have zero intimacy because I am simply exhausted and in chronic pain which is another reason my fiancé yells at me.
I’m sick of being called stupid, oblivious and other names. Can anybody tell me what to do here?
5 comments
If he’s denying all that you’re doing for both, him and your son, then why stick around?
I’m not saying you should leave him, obviously, but make it known that YOU help with the house and he doesn’t. You can try and not do anything for a few days and see how he acts, or you can just talk it out and try to figure out a solution to his childish behavior.
Have one good talk and honestly don’t be afraid to be a little (or a lot) harsher then normal. Make ultimatums if need to be. The way this is going I do not see you making it to the wedding day. You need help and he isn’t giving that to you. Your fiance is setting the worse example to your son.
Why is he acting like you created the child with magic? Please.
Personal opinion? You should leave him. You already do most of the work anyway. Breadwinner, taking care of the house, and the kid.
I don’t know what’s causing your chronic pain but can you go to the doctor or something?
Bias aside, if you want to make it work then couples therapy AND solo therapy would be a start. And you’ve got to set firm boundaries for yourself. If he can’t abide, then he should pull a Harry Houdini and disappear. 🤷🏻♀️
Did you ever talked to him about how you feel about his negative behaviour?
I advise you to do a special day to him. tell him and took him and the child to a beautiful place, whether a restaurant or bar, buy his favourite meal and drinks, eat and drink together in a happy moment…then tell him how you feel about the way he treat you and your kid..the gentleman will apologize and change the behavior. (Sorry for the broken English)
No. Is not you. This is not your fault. It’s his. And the sad part is, you can’t make other people want things they don’t want, and you can’t make people love you if they don’t love you. You love him, but this man does not love you back. A person who loves you would not treat you like this. This man also doesn’t love your child, if he did, he would want to spend time with his son and at least play with him. Again, nothing of this is your fault.
He’s also calling you names, which is emotional abuse. Read this free book, it will at least put things in perspective and make you see that your partner is one of the guys described here. The book also has a lot of resources https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf