We have been together almost six months, and he has two kids shared custody, in AA for over three years, and a job.
From the get go we have both been supportive of each other doing our own thing and taking time for ourselves when we want/need it. About two months ago, he asked for space for a couple days to do his own thing – more time for himself. I encouraged him and was supportive, and expressed that he is the sole person whom can take time for himself.
The last few weeks, I have expressed the desire to spend time together doing activities such as going to a park, disc golf, or some other activity outside of one of our houses. We generally spend time together watching a movie or show at his place. He has been receptive of it- but the follow through is lacking. We have done activities along with his kids, which he thinks satisfies that desire- but I have asked for just the two of us sometimes. He also seemed to think I was asking for more of his time; I believe I’m asking for more intention with our time together.
We had a discussion yesterday where he expressed he wanted to see each other less ( we normally see each other anywhere from 3-5 nights a week), and that he wants more time for himself; to de-stress and do his own thing.
I again expressed that unfortunately I can’t make him take time for himself – that he is the one who needs to keep on top of it and to take the time; to schedule it for himself. He self admittedly has poor time management; and the lack of him proactively taking time for himself is rolling over into our relationship.
I told him that it wasn’t fair to see me as the obstacle between him and time for himself, and to blame me for it – when I’ve been supportive of it all long.
I can’t be a parent to him and force him to make time for himself.
How long do I allow him the chance to change his habits for self-love?
TLDR; My boyfriend doesnt take time for himself; how long do I give him to change his habits?
1 comment
Are you sure this relationship is a good fit for you?
You’re not going to have the full luxury and getting him exclusively.
There are going to be times when you’ll be spending it with him and his children, which will count towards time quality time spent together. There is only so much room in peoples lives.
I don’t even have kids and I would find 5 days of a week dedicated to relationship to be quite a lot.
Honestly kind of sounds like you two require different things out of your relationship and cannot give what the other person requires.
Beyond that, not sure what else to tell you.
You both talked about it. You both know what the challenge is, but are failing to execute it?
I know you’re saying:
>I can’t force you to take time for yourself.
True… But you could also maybe tone down how often you request to see him if you’re always throwing the idea out there.
People have a hard time saying no to their partner. And if you’re always asking to see other… Sometimes you will get a ‘yes’ because they feel they’re obligated to do that.
Perhaps make an agreement where the two of you will only see each-other 3 times a week and stick to it.