This started with tale as old as time, he was lying and hiding that he was watching porn. The problems with that are because he was being secretive, and often choosing that instead of sex with me. Our sex wasn’t bad, but I did feel like I was trying to lead on more than we were actually doing, and it bothered me he never seemed like he could “let go” or really get into it. He never talked to me about sex afterwards, even when I tried initiating the conversations. I asked him what he liked, if he liked what I did, etc. I got very little to nothing from him.
Now fast forward to when I caught him I’m a lie and he was in fact watching porn. He made up a lot of lies that didn’t make sense, a lot of which made it seem like my fault. The actual problem is my fault, but it took him a while to getting around to telling me that.
Ultimately the reason he was choosing it over me and didn’t want me to know he was watching it was, he enjoyed fantasizing about being with the girls
I’m the videos more than he enjoyed being with me. When asked why, he was able to say they do specific things you don’t, that he finds the most exciting or the sexiest. When asked why he wouldn’t talk to me about it, or do things to me that might get that reaction out of me, the answer simply was he didn’t want to see me do those things. I told him I found it hurtful he didn’t want everything that he liked with me. When we spoke about it further, it came down to that I simply wasn’t hot enough for him to want those things with me.
I didn’t look hot enough, nor did I “act” hot enough (my attitude wasn’t sexy enough). So he was afraid I wouldn’t “do these things right” and he wouldn’t enjoy them with me.
One, it hurts that nothing I’m doing will ever reach to be as attractive to him as these few specific things he listed.
But we could be open with one another and explore more of what we like to get those reactions and actions out of me.
But to be told he doesn’t even want those things with me because I am not hot enough, is even worse.
Help? Advice?
10 comments
Don’t beat yourself up for being yourself. He doesn’t speak for all men. Isn’t it obvious that he’s not the one for you? Go out and find a man who appreciates you just the way you are.
I’m sorry to hear about the difficulties you’re experiencing in your relationship. It’s important to address these issues in a healthy and respectful manner. Here are a few suggestions on how to approach the situation:
1. Open and honest communication: It’s crucial to have open and honest conversations about your feelings, desires, and concerns regarding your sexual relationship. Create a safe and non-judgmental space where both of you can share your thoughts and emotions.
2. Seek couples therapy: Consider engaging in couples therapy or sex therapy to explore these issues with the guidance of a professional. A therapist can help facilitate communication, address underlying concerns, and provide guidance on enhancing intimacy and sexual satisfaction in the relationship.
3. Focus on mutual exploration: Instead of fixating on specific acts or comparing yourself to others, focus on exploring and experimenting together to find what brings pleasure and fulfillment to both of you. Sexual preferences and desires can vary greatly between individuals, and it’s important to find a balance that works for both partners.
4. Self-esteem and self-care: It’s important to prioritize your own self-esteem and self-care. Remember that your worth is not solely determined by someone else’s desires or preferences. Engage in activities that make you feel confident and focus on cultivating a positive self-image.
5. Assess the overall relationship: Consider the overall dynamics and compatibility in your relationship. Evaluate whether this issue is indicative of deeper underlying problems or if it’s an isolated challenge that can be addressed through open communication and mutual understanding.
Remember, it’s essential to be with a partner who respects and values you for who you are. If efforts to improve the relationship and address the issue are unsuccessful, it may be necessary to reevaluate whether this relationship is meeting your needs and if it’s a healthy and fulfilling partnership for you.
Seeking support from a therapist or counselor can provide additional guidance and perspective tailored to your specific situation.
Dump him and find a man who wants a real in-the-flesh relationship and not someone hung up on sexual fantasies from watching porn. He’d rather watch these staged sex scenes than have actual sex with a person he cares about. So stupid. Then, instead of having some insight, he blames you and says you are not hot enough. It isn’t about you, so do not take what he says to heart.
You deserve so much better than this. Break up, block him, move on, and date guys who have it together. He isn’t it.
Seriously don’t doubt ya self get rid of it not worth ur time or emotion
Sounds like a porn addiction. Even if he was dating these girls he would probably still prefer watching their videos than doing the real thing. If you want to work on things then he needs to stop watching porn, but tbh you are probably better off finding a new man that doesn’t prefer pixels over a real woman
>Advice?
This guy is a dud, and you can do better. He’s so wrapped up in porn that he’s unable to appreciate sex with an actual partner, and while that might be fixable in some cases the way he defended his habit by insulting the hell out of you can’t be fixed at all. That’s an incredible level of disrespect and it tells me that even if you could get this guy to stop watching so much porn he’d still be a bad boyfriend.
Let him and his hand have some alone time and you go find a guy that prefers you to pornhub. It won’t be hard to find one!
U really letting a 23 year old man stress u out? Sex like isn’t gonna get better he doesn’t live in reality
Everyone on here just yells dump him, but it’s more complicated than that. Porn is just fantasy, and men do like novelty when it comes to sex. After the honeymoon phase, guys do tend to back off on the lustiness.
You aren’t going to be something you’re not, and you shouldn’t try to be. But you could do some things to try to spice things up some. You can experiment and try things out. There’s nothing wrong with that. Talk to him more about it and ease into things.
Another thing about this is in regards to weight. People on here are going to say, “Just find someone that loves you for you!”. As a man, I know first hand that’s a lie. No one ows you attraction, and if you let yourself go, your sex life will almost certainly suffer. Eat well, hit the gym, and just take care of yourself and your appearance. It matters regardless of what you’ll hear on here.
r/loveafterporn
You soon to be ex bf is an AH and full of bs. This is what some people do. They get caught doing something that they are lying about and immediately turn it around on someone else. This is a manipulation technique that narcissist often use. Dump his dumb ass