My ex started dating someone about 5 months after we broke up. We were together for 6 years and lived together, and share a dog.
He literally showed up at my place on Valentines Day because he couldn’t be alone. Then in two months later, he surprised me and brought his new girlfriend to meet me when he dropped off our dog (we share the dog and he wants us all to “co-parent”). I realized he also blocked me on social media. His texts have also gotten really brief.
I talked to him recently and he said “he’s doing this to try to move on” and that it’s hard for him to see me at all, but still wants to share the dog.
How should I approach this? Would you consider this a rebound? I’m completely devastated.
EDIT: Last week I told him I am keeping the dog permanently, but he’s been blowing up my phone trying to apologize and ask if we can still share the dog. I’m just really confused and heartbroken.
7 comments
This whole thing was a recipe for a disaster from the start.
You two are broken up.
Its a dog.
Not a child.
Someone take ownership in full and move on with your lives.
Why would you consider her to be a rebound? Its been almost half a year since the two of you broke up. Would you expect him to remain single for the rest of his life?
The dog is what’s keeping you two linked together. Should honestly decide who gets to keep it and move on completely.
Otherwise, what’s the issue here? If either of you want to see the dog, you’re going to need to accept that life moves on without you.
Really think about it… Are you actually prepared to spend the rest of that dogs life co-parenting it with an ex?
Its probably best for both of your sakes to settle the dog once and for all.
Also worth mentioning that your future boyfriend and his current GF, probably hate this about your relationship. No one is going to love the idea of their partner seeing their ex on a frequent basis because of a dog. That sounds like a refusal to let go of each-other.
Okay, so the translation for “He’s also blocked me on social media” is, his new girlfriend is uncomfortable with the relationship.
He’s trying to be The Good Guy and not shut you out; he’s trying to co-parent because he believes it’s best for the dog.
But this is an unhealthy balancing act for him, and it’s blowing back on you.
Take the dog if you can, and cut him out.
If you can’t, give him the dog, and cut him out.
The dog will be okay. If it’s fed, walked, loved, played with, and given a lot of affection, it will be okay. But you and your ex?
That’s a lot less clear.
They guy does not make sense and seems to do whatever he wants, not respecting you enough to check in with you first… Comes on valentine, bring the new gf, from your writing it seems like he is doing this without any heads up… Blocks you then says he wants to move on but still co-parent the dog, to move on is to cut all ties, so if that’s the case, one of you should forever keep the dog and let him fully move on. Don’t let him dictate how things should be, which is his way only.
Does he have any kind of actual claim on the dog (name on official papers, receipts for expenses, etc.)? If not, I’d just tell him that’s not going to work for you, but good luck with the new girlfriend and everything else. If he does, then depending on who’s done the bulk of the work, either offer to reimburse him for any major expenses he may feel owed, or resign yourself to getting your own dog.
Either way, though, he’s moving on with his life. You need to be able to do the same without having to worry about negotiating dog “custody” when the dog will be fine with just one “parent” going forward. Especially when his girlfriend and whoever you date next probably aren’t going to be thrilled about having to deal with this, either.
*I am no longer interested in sharing custody of my dog. I need to move on with my life and I can’t do that with you in it. Please do not contact me again*
He’s trying to keep you on the leash if it doesn’t work out with the new girl. Block and keep the dog.
Also you really don’t want to have a dog custody thing going on, as a guy if my new girlfriend had this happening I’d run so fast