This feels cringe to say but I am 30yo and living with my parents. I have 20k saved and no debt. I have a stable job as well. My BIG dilemma right now is that if I moved out of home into a rental property, I would be saving SIGNIFICANTLY less money and would likely not be able to buy my own place for 8-10 years. However, if I stay at home for another 2 years, I will be able to move out for just 1-2 years and then buy my own place, an apartment for example.
I have no lasting privacy living with my parents. Someone is always home. I don’t want to date, and my self-esteem is low. Visitors drop in randomly and I hate unplanned visitors. I just sort of feel stifled living here.
If I move out, I will be locking myself into the uncertainty of renting and rent increases. Dealing with potentially bad real estate agents and landlords. All while paying off someone else’s home and saving drastically less towards my own home. I will note I would not live in a shared place with strangers to save money.
Yes, I will have the privacy and space I desire. But at what cost?
I just don’t know what to do. I am tired of putting on a mask while living here. To appear as someone content and ok. When in reality I feel stifled and frustrated.
The last month I have felt increasing pressure to apply for rentals as my home life has been fucking with my head.
But the money I am saving living here is amazing. This is why I am stuck.
9 comments
Bro, you’re worried about stuff that almost everyone is already dealing with. You should not be living with your parents at that age when you can afford to leave. I’d have low self esteem too. Take the leap, move out, and grow a little bit. You’ll feel way more confident and happy.
Moved out at twenty three and felt all the same things. I think that’s normal for anyone ready to move out. Things you want are worth the risk. Nothing is easy and rent, houses, gas and groceries won’t go down in time. What’s the worse that happens? You end up living with your parents? Just have a budget and a plan.
It is not that hard of a jump. You have your wings now. You will not fail. Living on our own builds self confidence and that is necessary to grow.
Life doesn’t change much as a result. Slowly you will grow accustomed to it and continue forward.
It’s like learning to drive a car. After awhile you will wonder why you did not do this earlier.
The main thing I got from moving out was a better sense of who I was. I liked who I could be in my own place more than I did at home. I felt happier even if I was poorer.
I found renting left me free to move if I wanted with modest downsides. I rented places close to where I liked to socialize, close to friends, and close to my work. I felt more connected and travelled less to/from work. I moved as things changed, always finding a happy balance of a fun location, a nice place, and an easy commute.
I didn’t move out to get away from home. I moved out because I wanted to. I didn’t dislike living at home or my family at all. I personally had no savings but also didn’t care about buying my own home when I moved out either. I lived in a city and everyone rented.
I had few friends who stayed home, saved money, and years later moved out into a home they bought. Honestly, not sure they were happier but they certainly felt like they had accomplished something important.
Took me longer to buy a home, didn’t get a place until my late 30s. But I knew exactly what I needed having rented a variety of places for 20 years and got a perfect place. I’d say around the mid-30s I started to feel like buying should be a goal. But I lived in insanely expensive cities and just kept renting in great locations I could never afford buy in.
Hope this helps you in some way.
20K is all you’ve saved? But you can save enough in 2 years? You’ve put off starting your life for over a decade just to save 20K?
It sounds like you’re assuming you’d be doing everything (specifically, buying a home) on your own if you moved out. I think you feeling down about your living situation is maybe keeping you from seeing an additional non-financial opportunity of living on your own: having a real social life. Having friends come over and hang out. Meeting people. Dating. Finding a life partner. Yes you’ll be more realistically able to afford to buy a place if you stay at home and save more. However, what if you move out now and meet a partner with the same life goals as you? Maybe you’ll end up living together which saves on rent. Maybe that person will already have savings of their own too. Now you’re talking about getting married. Then you combine finances to buy a place together…something nicer than what you’d ever be able to buy had you been living with your parents and saving this whole time. Sometimes you just gotta make a leap without seeing the landing.
Buying a house will only make you feel more stuck, move out and start living your life.
I may be misreading the situation but it sounds like a lot of the awkwardness with your parents is built up in your head. Why not have an honest conversation with your parents that you would like to experience spreading your wings by moving out and living independently. Tell them you would appreciate it you could still use them as a fallback within two years if you find the uncertainty of today’s market would cause you to spiral financially.
Maybe you could seek work overseas? Travel but get paid doing it? Then come back with a plan for what’s next in your life, with a broader perspective on possibilities.