Hi everybody – this is my first post here 🙂
OK, so I am 32 m, single. Being really honest I don’t have tons of experience with girls. I’ve never had a girlfriend before.
Yet I’m not socially disabled. I’ve had many friends (mostly guys), have a fairly good job, a bit of experience in life, well travelled, did volunteer work before etc etc.
I’m confident in many aspects of life, but with women I am not so confident. I guess I can be a bit shy and self-conscious around women, but I’m working on changing that.
So, I’d like to explore friendships, dating and a wonderful sex life with girls.
I was thinking of leaving my number down in restaraunts or cafes if I find myself in places where attractive girls are serving me.
So I’m asking – is it OK to do that, is it OK for a guy to leave his number on a piece of paper and write something like “you seem really nice. My name is XYZ. It would be cool if you would text me sometime.”
Would girls find that inappropriate, or creepy? Or is it OK to try that approach?
6 comments
This is the paradox. The guys that truly don’t give a shit what is appropriate or not in those types of scenarios you listed, are going to get the most women. Especially if they’re charismatic and attractive. Now, if you look like George from Seinfeld, you’re going to get pepper sprayed.
As someone who used to be a waitress – please don’t. Servers are nice to you because it’s their job. I’ve had guys leave their number for me and come back to the restaurant days later to ask me why i never texted them and then i felt unsafe at work. Not saying that you’d do that, but the women don’t know that.
It is always inappropriate to approach people who are working. Meet people during social activities. Bars, concerts, fairs, community groups/events. That sort of thing.
Also, you’re fucking 32. Stop calling potential dates “girls” it’s creepy. You should only be attracted to women.
First, you can approach someone who’s mildly busy, just not someone who’s *working*.
Second, try to strike up a conversation about something happening, something neutral. You can talk about a shirt, a piece of jewelry, even just asking how someone is doing and see if they seem interested in continuing the conversation. Build a rapport first.
Third, offer your number instead of getting theirs. Women are used to being pressured, hunted, so having that space and respect gives them a breath of fresh air, puts the ball in their court, and that separates you from the rest. Use a sharpie and write it on her hand, use a sticky note, do it however and make sure to include your name.
Fourth, if you’re respectful and you give space, you don’t have to apologize for anything. There’s nothing wrong with talking with people, and that’s all you’re trying to do. The worst thing that can happen is the feeling of rejection, and that’s temporary, so don’t be afraid. Try to feel happy about what you do have in life, share that happiness with others, and you’ll be fine.
Lastly, you’re going to hit a lot of dead ends, especially now that everyone is isolating after COVID. Don’t get discouraged.
I’m 31, just got out of a longterm relationship, haven’t dated anyone in like 12 years, so I feel you buddy.
I don’t think it’s appropriate to hit on girls while they are working. Try asking a girl out on social gatherings while there not on the job. Also going up to them and asking them out is going to work way better then leaving your phone. A girl would appreciate it way better if your confident enough to ask her out in person.
People say don’t approach her. Fuck them. Take a shot. People that put themselves out there and are willing to look stupid are the people that get results. They are giving you the Reddit answer which is always about minimising any level of discomfort in others. If you creep her out or annoy her, so what? She will live.