Is 19(f) and 25(m) a bad age gap, given the context of our relationship?
I’m just not sure what to think, and I need a bit of guidance before I take the leap and get into a real relationship with this guy.
We met at a bar, he was super nice, we got to talking, got along great, and ended up going on a few dates after. I had a great time every date, I have a bit of a specific type for what personality I look for in a guy, and he fits it perfectly.
It didn’t come up until later on in going out that we realized we didn’t know how old each other was. It turns out he looks young for his age. I genuinely thought he was 18-19, as he does look it, but it turns out he is freshly 25. I look a little bit older for my age, and people often assume I’m early twenties, which he did.
This came as quite the shock to me, and I’m not sure how to feel. This has happened to me before, and I ended up ending things before they got serious. With this guy, though, I feel differently. I am currently living in my own place, and have been for a year now, and am pursuing a university degree. He, on the other hand, recently got into working construction after bouncing job to job, trying to find something he’d like to do after high school. So our financial situations are similar, we are both fresh at what we’re doing in life, and pretty un-established, compared to where most 25 year olds would be.
But man… 19 and 25 just seems like a lot to me. I just want to know if anyone has done anything like this before, and your own personal stories/opinions.
TLDR; is 19 and 25 a bad age gap if we are both in similar places in life?
4 comments
Trust your instincts. If it feels right, it’s right. Age is just a number when it comes to maturity and life stage. Focus on the connection, the shared values, and the mutual respect. If that’s all in place, don’t sweat the numbers.
Something I’ve anecdotally noticed is men seem to mature later than women. So a man in his mid-late 20s is equivalent to a woman in her early 20s.
As you’re ‘adulting’ aka living alone, you’re ‘older’ than some 19 yr olds who might, for example, still be living with parents and not working etc.
It doesn’t sound too much to me, especially as you’re clearly aware the gap exists.
Enjoy!
I generally don’t recommend more than 3ish year gaps until you’re 25ish. When you’re under 20, you’re still very young. With a 6 year age difference, he’s in a different life stage than you are. I think you kind of know that because you do seem uncomfortable with the gap.
When I say this I mean he’s already done the entire fun “party” bit. He’s already done and experienced things you haven’t yet. His goals might be different from yours. How he thinks will be different.
What are you looking for out of this relationship? Are you looking for something serious that ends with children/marriage? Are you just looking for something fun? Because at 25, I can guess he’s looking for something more serious. I could be wrong though.
For me it’s a “no”, but ultimately you have to do what’s right for you.
There’s an inherent power imbalance in relationships with large age gaps where one person is a very young adult. I personally don’t think it’s ethical for him to pursue a relationship with you but that’s just my take. Best of luck.