He 27m says that I 28f have been accusatory and reproachful and mean towards him
It must be the fifth time that he seems to be expressing something that looks like a breakup with me over this specific matter.
I offered him that we address this through therapy and/or counseling. But every time, we are about to go get counseling, when we get to the point of planning it (e.g. for this time, I already had a list of counselors ready to offer). He just suddenly backs off, says that he realized that I do not care for him, that I do not love him, that I have no interest in him. And every time, it looks like a breakup.
I offered to explain what happened and I apologized numerous times for my part in it. i tried to change and not to bring the issues that hurt him. No matter what I do, it is not enough in his book and I don’t know what I can do anymore. At the same time he expresses that he realizes the relationship cannot be fixed, he tells me that he wish he could be here with me. I just don’t know what he wants.
I just don’t even know anymore if he really takes his decisions himself or if he is driven by some idea or someone about this specific issue. The behavior I am observing is sufficiently off that I don’t understand what is going on.
I don’t understand why we cannot just get to counseling so that we both have a safe space to express our issues and what happened.
I want to get your opinions. What is going on here?
TL;DR: My ex?bf 27M is hurt over a specific topic since a long time and I 28F offered that we address it through counseling. Every time we are on the brink of a breakthrough or that we are about to get counseling, he backs off and says he realized I do not care for him and I do not love him. It has been a cycle for months now and I am just lost and hurt. I would like to know what is going on.
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6 comments
Pull the plug on this cycle. Therapy or not, if he’s skipping out every time, he’s not committed to sorting things out. No more chances. You’ve done enough. His decisions, his actions, his problem. He’s not ready to be in a healthy relationship, and you’re not his therapist. Time to move on.
>Every time we are on the brink of a breakthrough or that we are about to get counseling, he backs off and says he realized I do not care for him and I do not love him. It has been a cycle for months now and I am just lost and hurt. I would like to know what is going on.
You are probably not going to get to know what’s going on. You will not get a rational explanation or be able to resolve this. For whatever reason, he wants to keep this going and continue to have you apologize and feel bad and try solutions. He will push away, “break up” and reel you back in.
Ultimately you have to decide whether you want to keep doing this over and over, or break up with him yourself and cut your losses.
He’s being emotionally manipulative. Don’t let him.
>I would like to know what is going on.
You’re allowing yourself to be treated badly.
Aren’t you tired of putting in effort and getting nothing back? Stop waiting for him to decide what your relationship is and dump him. I swear some of you enjoy unnecessary drama and strife
Sounds like he’s being manipulative. Everything is your fault, you don’t love him, etc, etc. But then when you’re prepared to take real action to fix things he backs down. Probably because he doesn’t want an impartial third party to point out he’s full of it.
If the relationship is really as bad as he says it is, why doesn’t he want to either fix it or break up? Because he actually likes the relationship like this, where he has the power and you try as hard as you can to make him happy.