Note: As of yesterday we are no longer under this therapists care, I’m still left with these feelings I’m trying to make sense of.
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I’m not sure if this is the right place to express this but here goes. My husband(34M) and I’s(30F) last few sessions of couples therapy I’ve noticed the therapist (maybe around late 30-40F) coming on strongly to my husband. A little background: We’ve seen her for a little over a year. She specializes in perinatal/postpartum support and agreed to see us as a couple. There isn’t any major conflicts in our marriage, our focus was getting support on new parenthood.
I think it started within these last few weeks. I noticed my husband getting extra attention, his one-on-one sessions ran at least 30min longer. My one-on-one sessions usually ended several minutes early. Her demeanor during sessions with both of us completely switched from cold/neutral with me and charming and receptive with him. She has also been texting him privately when we usually communicate through a group text.
My husband is completely oblivious about all this. He shares his one-on-one sessions with me and says they usually discuss events from his childhood. After the session however she asks unrelated personal questions, like favorite movies and such and that’s what would make the sessions run longer. He also would tell me whenever she’d send him a text. The texts were usually somewhat related to the session, but lately turned into “how are you’s” “what are you up to” or “this (article/meme) made me think of you.” He didn’t usually reply but when he did it was polite and did not continue the conversation past 2-3 back and forths.
All of this has been…turning me on. Intensely. I’m insatiable and in the last few weeks we have had the most intense sex we’ve ever had in awhile and I can’t get enough! The husband definitely notices I’m hornier and wanting it more rough and more frequently but I don’t think he notices or relates it to our therapist taking an interest in him.
This is new territory for me. I don’t know why I’m feeling so turned on by all of this and it’s conflicting. I feel like I need to be upset, and I am. But I also feel secure in my relationship so I’m finding another person’s advances toward my partner enticing? Is this cuckold (cuckquean) territory? I don’t actually want my husband to flirt or cheat and have sex with anyone else, and he is not the type to do that. It also sucks our otherwise wonderful therapist is behaving unethically. I’m trying to make sense of my feelings about all of this and could use some insight.
27 comments
You are probably turned on and more attracted to your husband knowing that another woman finds him attractive. Also a bit of the “claiming your territory”.
Highly inappropriate of the therapist and you were wise to drop her.
Yikes! I’d be very tempted to report the therapist to the state licensing board. That’s all super inappropriate (I say this as someone who’s worked with multiple CCs over the years and none of them would say that what was happening was legit).
But as for you being turned on: sounds like you have a little cuckquean in you! That’s useful to know; it might be a kink that the two of you can explore *safely* via fantasy/role-play if you wanted.
Jeeez, talk about personal care
What an unintentionally great therapist, lol
Best writen rsex post in a while, you had me stuck in all the way. Yep, drop the therapist and find a better way to perform those fantasies… but enjoy the discovery of this new side of your sexuality
I had a partner that would get extra horny when women were flirting with me, or I’d tell her about the women I was checking out. Something about approval of other women and wanting to claim me as hers or show me how good she was in bed. Perhaps it’s a natural response. Will you miss this in a few weeks if it settles down?
I am a therapist and I highly recommend you report this therapist to their licensing board. A therapist should never come onto their clients and if it happened to you it’ll happen to more people, possibly destroying their marriages. This is so illegal and unethical it hurts to read.
Therapist: oh yeah, it’s all coming together 😏
He’s def fucking the therapist.
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you should report her, that is crossing professional boundaries.
if anything call the practice
She is validating your choice
I’m no expert but women being turned on by men who other women show attraction for is as old as time.
During the young years when they all chase the popular boys, through to all the sleeping with friends boyfriend 20s type stories and into the having affairs with married men in the 30s and 40s
Some people have been calling it preselection when it comes to dating but yah.. you noticed he’s desirable to another woman and now your desire has spiked up
Could also be a little partner guarding, the old adage of a full belly and empty balls etc
I don’t see a downside for him if he’s getting regular hot sex you’re into it chances are he’s got no thoughts of bothering look anywhere else
A few options could be:
Claiming your territory,
Validation of your husband by another woman has reminded you of what you have,
Hysterical bonding
You have discovered a new kink.
My wife has a similar kink, I don’t really know what it is called but she loves to watch me get flirted with and flirt back. It’s similar to cuckqueen but not quite. I see it more like “get your appetite somewhere else then come back to me. I refer to it as a jealousy kink.
She also loves to do the flirting to turn me on, but it isn’t quite as reliable in that direction. Sometimes it works but sometimes I get the wrong kind of jealous.
As long as you are happy with it then run with it, but it may be a difficult kink to navigate unfortunately.
I think that therapist is a magical elf being, doing their work to improve your marriage through the form of the trickster archetype
Well…that took an unexpected turn…
I’m in my early 30s so take this with a grain of salt as I’m not as familiar with people your age. Had I met a guy in my 20s who was a virgin, tbh, I probably wouldn’t have known unless they made it into a thing.
If you want it to be a thing, aka you’re saving it to share with the right person, that’s totally alright and I imagine the right person will be fine with it. But if it’s just that you haven’t had an opportunity due to social isolation, time to get yourself out there. People aren’t going to compare sexual history before having sex.
The important thing is when it happens, be respectful, ensure you have consent and listen.. nothing wrong with asking what they enjoy as a part of flirting/foreplay. And remember, real sex is almost never anything like porn.
Here’s an idea. What if your therapist is doing this on purpose? After talking to you and your husband, she has a good profile of what drives both you and your husband regarding your true desires in the relationship. Her method of rekindling the relationship is by getting you to really desire him again, and the way she is doing this is by signalling to you that he is attractive, and she is showing you that via her behavior. If she’s only texting your husband or talking a little longer than usual, this is nothing out of the ordinary. But, it’s working….on you!! haha
Honestly I get this. I think you like her coming on to your husband, because at the end of the day he’s yours and you get to have him. Kinda being sexually possessive in an almost primal way. Basically I think screwing her over and claiming him is what’s turning you on.
You can try rollplay. Dress up differently from your normal getup and Act as a stranger woman flirting with your husband.
You should find a new therapist
Are you sure? That’s really not appropriate and she needs to be reported to someone like her boss.
While the therapist is unethical, I also get turned on when my partner is flirted with. It feels good knowing you are with someone other women want. That’s very normal.
What if !! The therapisr did it on purpose to reignite your lust huh
So… you are going to invite the therapist over, right?
Has anyone asked the therapist what her intention is…. maybe she has done the job right by unconsciously getting you to this point…some therapists are actually really good at what they do and it’s not their intention to cross the line, but to task the unconscious of the other partner- she got you to what you needed which is an emotional state change…. I’d just ask her what her intention is before making assumptions on why…. just a thought.
That took a turn!