A friend of mine continuously calls me a liar when I’m not lying. My memory is bad so there has been times where I may have possibly lied due to forgetting but in those situations I will just tell them I’m not sure maybe I did or just admit I was wrong. Problem is recently I have been getting called out for being a liar over things I know 100% I’m not lying about. I have no idea how I can handle the situation since there is no reasoning with the other person because sometimes they are things I simply can’t prove. I don’t know what to do at this point but I would appreciate any help.
33 comments
Those are not your friends anymore OP. Time to search for greener pastures 🤙
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Either gaslighting or they remember things differently than you and think that their version is the right one, this you must be lying.
Calling someone a liar when they just made a mistake is very toxic. That’s the most important point.
Aside from that though, you can ask yourself how confident you are in whatever information you are sharing. There is a difference between confidently stating something or instead saying that you’re not sure, buy maybe what happened was XYZ.
Tell them:
* “Well YOU certainly have some opinions!”
* or, “Maybe YOU are the one who is lying right NOW!”
* or “If you don’t have anything nice to say, put a LID on it!”
* or “Is this some kind of weird SOCIAL SKILL you’re trying out?”
* or “Who are YOU, the LYING POLICE?”
etc.
Now that you’ve noticed a pattern, start having fun with calling them out on it.
Is it just one friend doing this?
He may be gas lighting and manipulating you.
If it’s a lot of people all saying this, your memory is probably worse than you realise..
I was “friends” with a girl like this in college. On several occasions she said “you’re such a liar.” I try my best not to lie so was a bit taken aback as to why she would say it. The second I graduated, completely wrote her off. Stay away from people who make you feel bad.💙
I’ve had similar experiences in high school, where a group of people I thought were my friends would get pleasure from pretending everything I said was outrageous and a lie.
I know that it feels awful, that sometimes you doubt yourself and you feel like your memory is worse than it is because you keep having to strain to remember small instances that they like to being up.
Please, OP, know that you aren’t the problem. Some people are awful for no reason, I think the easiest way to avoid it is to stop hanging around those people. They won’t change their personality, no matter how nice you treat them or honest you are, they choose to act the way they do.
If it is impossible to avoid them, try to surround yourself with at least one person that you know wouldn’t blindly agree with them. Always try to have another non biased person around for every interaction. That way if this person tries to say you lied, you can check in with the non biased person to make sure what you think happened did.
I would also suggest seeing a Doctor about your memory, taking omegas and eating more good oils like fish can help with memory but it may be an underlying health issue that’s best to get checked out early.
But once again OP, you aren’t crazy, you aren’t lying. You’re just unfortunate enough to have met a person that likes to make others doubt themselves.
He’s probably gaslighting you I highly suggest removing that person from your life your better off without them.
Agree with what others are saying re: gaslighting. The friend is toxic and needs to immediately be a “former friend.” Might be difficult if part of another social circle, but speak in confidence to a mutual friend (for lack of a better term) about what you’re doing and why.
One of my go-to responses is, “Lying requires intent. Being mistaken or having a bad memory is not the equivalent of a lie.”
Not really a friend if it’s that continuous.
To add to u/TheDevilsAdvokaat comment about more people thinking you’re lying, it could be to do with your body language. If you have anxiety &/or poor eye contact, it leads to people thinking you’re not being honest. In the age of everyone being an armchair psychologist, people read way too far into things & think they’ve got people figured out when they’re really just misjudging the situation. It’s not to say that what you’re doing isn’t what a liar would do, it’s just that there’s a load of reasons for similar mannerisms.
If it’s just the 1 person, yeah, they’re an asshole & move on from them.
>A friend of mine continuously calls me a liar when I’m not lying.
This person is not your “friend”.☹️
You probably come across as untrustworthy. I get told I am full of shit all the time. With my poor social skills I can make it seem like I am lying anytime I do not please.
Because they are lying often, and projecting that onto you. Time to re-evaluate the friendship!
Ex-friend
You don’t ever have to hang out with people who call you ugly, a liar, or otherwise decide it’s ok to demean you. These are people practicing unsafe, toxic behavior and you deserve people who can be both honest and mutually supportive.
Safe people practice intellectual boundaries., They realize that people don’t have to agree about everything to get along. They understand that no one has all the answers, everyone has different life experiences. They respect what other people say as true for them.
A lot of people don’t know how to set intellectual boundaries because they didn’t see them when growing up. They saw unsafe communication behaviors from their parents and families. They have no boundaries so everyone has to agree something is true. They feel threatened when others disagree because they see it as an attack on their experience. In other words they feel gaslighted just because others disagree or had seemingly contradictory experiences. So they go into fight mode because they (incorrectly) feel attacked.
So it could be this person hasn’t learned to have intellectual boundaries and have healthy discussions and positive debates.
You could say, “I understand that we disagree about issue X. But calling me a liar just because we disagree about something is not appropriate. It’s ok for us not to agree about everything and still have healthy discussions. Can you simply say that you disagree with me instead?”
If they say yes then maybe they’ve learned something new and you can both continue to be friends. If no, then take care of yourself and find friends who can disagree with getting mad or trying to control or dominate a discussion.
This is not your friend.
If you can get a chance to chat with them one on one, I’d try talking about it with them as opposed to immediately cutting this person out of your life. Tell them how you feel about it. It doesn’t have to be an emotional conversation, you are simply letting them know that you don’t like this interaction and you are giving them the chance to correct it.
If they continue to pick on you after that, stop hanging out with them. It’s really hard to make that kind of relationship cut, but I’ve found it is worth the effort. You will wonder what took you so long to make the choice.
A lot of people seem to think this, but being incorrect or misremembering is not the same as lying. Sometimes it can appear the same.
Based on how you are describing the situation, the person sounds psychotic and gaslighty. I’d probably stay away from them.
I would be concerned that your memory isn’t truly that bad and your friend is just trying to make you feel it is, because they seem like they constantly contradict your viewpoints and recollections. I think you should truly consider if you want this person to be in your life.
I know two people out of about 1000 who lie for no reason that I can figure out. Their go-to answer is just to lie.
It is different if you just forget something or misremember it.
The person calling you a liar is the person with the problem. I don’t tell the liars in my life that I know they are liars. It’s not safe to confront liars.
I don’t know what your “friend” is up to. If they were my “friend”, I would avoid them. I guess another option would be to make jokes about it. That’s not an option for me, since I’m usually not funny.
“This is what is going to happen. You are going to stop calling me a liar, or we are no longer going to be friends. Your choice.”
I am reading so many comments that say this is gaslighting. Oh, man. I suffered so much in the same situation as OP as I thought i remembered wrongly, or I thought I didn’t tell everything I knew.
I wished I discocered this post many years ago. I would have been a much different person. I am all good now. But the damage has done so much to my mentality.
Yes. Its gaslighting. Ditch that fucker and stay far from him. Like. Really. He will attempt to hook you back in. But dont go back. There is something wrong with him. He is secretly abusive.
You’re not giving enough information for anyone answer this. There could be numerous reasons. we need examples.
Who cares one day the truth will set you free. There’s only 2 of of that know what really went one. So that’s why it is what it is
I think youre lying about the context honestly
Another view:
If they don’t normally try to make you feel bad, it’s possible they actually think this is funny or cute and it has become a habit. My sibling had a friend who did this – although he usually was laughing too.
Either way, tell them that it makes you feel bad when they call you a liar, and you don’t want to hear it anymore. If they still keep doing it after you ask them to stop, then they are just toxic and abusive. Bye to them.
ETA: Don’t reason with them about it any more. You know you weren’t trying to lie.
I feel like on both sides. This could just be a massive misunderstanding. I’ve definitely been in the situation where people have tried to manipulate things by just claiming to have forgotten when we both know that’s not true. But some people are also just forgetful.
I think that it’s really important for you to say “hey I might be forgetful sometimes but it’s really hurtful when you call me a liar especially when I know what I’m saying is true.”
You can add a little phrases like “hey that felt like an insult. What do you mean by that? “
And phrases like these are best used in group settings, because then there is a social pressure to acknowledge that they are being mean . Or at least begin to cite their sources.
If these things don’t make them stop then I think the best course of action is just ending the friendship. If you explain to a friend that you’re definitely not doing it on purpose and they’re still calling you a liar… they’re probably not your friend.
Is it the same person that’s keeps calling you a liar? Or is it multiple?
If it’s just the one, have you ever confronted them with proof that you’re telling the truth? And if so how’d they react?
Your friend is not your friend. I had a colleague do this to me when it was purely a mistake. Your ‘friend’ is just trying to gaslight you and manipulate you.
It’s narcissism on your friends part and making you question yourself is gaslighting which is a very common tactic. Watch some YouTube videos on the topic. You might need to walk away.