For who it applies, how has a lack of romantic validation in earlier years affected your later relationships, if at all?

6 comments

1. I don’t speak robot, what the hell do you mean by romantic validation?

2. It was a one way street for me, I would be giving and not a lot of receiving. It turns out that I was just with the wrong person for me! Now when my partner recognizes me, I appreciate it a whole lot.

3. If no one expresses romantic interest in you during your teens and 20s, you probably won’t have a relationship later on in life. There’s a critical period where you need to learn and experience these things, it’s like acquiring language or something.

4. A lack of it means I won’t have any.

5. I found myself in several relationships where I tried too hard and settled for too little. I was so afraid of being abandoned and rejected, and finding myself alone and having to start over, that I went way over the top in trying to impress and be what they wanted, and I put up with a lot of toxic traits and behaviors because I didn’t think I had options, or could find anyone else.

   Late 40s now and doing much better. Found someone who is a much better fit for me, but I also don’t fear some periods of being single or having to try again. Hopefully those things are in my past, but I’m much more self aware and have learned some hard lessons from those past failures. I think earlier experience with serious relationships would have meant that I learned them earlier, probably lost a good decade or so.

6. When you say romance do you mean a true relationship? Or getting action in general? At 26 I met my wife and that was my first actual real committed relationship with a girlfriend. Boy was I a fucking novice and made a lot of mistakes. Every relationship from 18 up until then was all about getting laid and moving on after one hookup or half a dozen. I guess I learned on the job how to be a better partner.