We’ve been dating for 4 years now. It’s been great and nothing but joyful. I’m happy and he makes me happy I’m in love . We never used protection and don’t use it. We talked about having kids and marriage but both said we weren’t ready for that. Last week I had a pregnancy scare and he ended up getting super duper excited and I wasn’t I was worried more so. I was scared that I was pregnant and when it turned out I wasn’t he was like damnit. I’m like babe you said you don’t didn’t want any kids right now anyways. He’s like I wouldn’t mind kids right now. I’m like but what about getting married he’s like that’s pushing it and he’s definitely not built for being a husband right now it’s too soon for all of that, Saying how that’s a big step. I feel like both are big steps. He’s like I don’t have plans to marry you soon if that’s what you’re wondering ask me in another 5 years . After he said that I was shocked and felt slightly hurt .
7 comments
No children before marriage is a perfectly normal condition to establish.
If he isn’t ready to fully commit, then he isn’t ready for children with *you*. Period.
>ask me in another 5 years
It’s his right to get married when he wants, but… do you really want to stay with someone for 9+ years waiting and hoping for him to come around?
One of the reasons why many men celebrate anti-abortion laws is for control: pregnant women becoming financially and emotionally dependent on the fathers of their children with no recourse. “All I need to do is put a kid in her, and she’s stuck with me!”
Him wanting to have children with you but not willing to get married could be a sign of him wanting to “keep you on the hook” without needing to commit anything from his sign.
Be careful.
Tell him you reserve children for marriages only
Wait, so are you guys planning your future together as if it’s a given you will be married one day or is he still evaluating if you’re someone he wants to marry? I’m confused by the “ask me again in 5 years”
If it’s the former, you need to discuss that you want to be married before kids.
If it’s the latter, I’d be concerned that he’s still unsure after 4 years and needs another 5.
I know a girl who never wants to get married but is open to having kids. Would not get with her bc I don’t want to deal with that
Everyone is different but if you want to be married and have been dating for 4 years I would expect to be having serious conversations about marriage planning already. You need to have a serious conversation about your timelines and where you could both compromise. You need to be ready to make a difficult decision if you cannot agree on it.
The cynic in me is saying that you’ll wait 5 years and you’ll find out he never wanted to marry you all along. Don’t know how old you are but by then you could struggle to meet someone else in time to have a healthy pregnancy.
Never understood people who think getting married is a bigger deal than having a baby. I’d rather have a divorce than tie myself to someone I’m unsure about for life.
Also you don’t want a baby, but never use protection… let’s use our critical thinking skills here.
If marriage is important to you, then use birth control.
I don’t understand how he doesn’t feel ready to be a husband but feels ready to be a dad… That means he either doesn’t see you as his life-long partner and he stays with you until he finds someone “better” or he wants to have fun with other girls without having to go through a messy divorce in case you find out. To be honest, I’d break up over this but you know your priorities.