I am on mobile so if there are any formatting errors I apologize in advanced. This is my first post. As the title says I (20m)am a college student and I struggle with serious anxiety about asking women on dates. Growing up there was a lot of shame about relationships in my family. In my mind I automatically assume that I’m going to be a bother, that I’m going ruin the friendship, or really any other worst case scenario. I also get extremely worried that I might come of as some sort of creep if I go up and ask someone out. I’m posting this because I’m hoping someone on here might be able to help as they’ve overcome this same issue or might be able to be provide insight into ways I can break this anxiety. I would also be interested if there is anywhere that it’s expected for people to approach each other seeking a relationship?
Thank you so much for reading and if you have any advice I would greatly appreciate it!
2 comments
You just ask them out
Can you confirm if you’re talking about starting to talk to new girls or actually asking them out on a date?
I’m assuming you’re just asking about once you’ve already started talking/know them and want to ask them on a date. I have serious anxiety problems too. The thing you must realize is that first dates are actually super low commitment. The most CRITICAL thing about them though is that the other person is going to be just as nervous. From there, the key to being comfortable is switching your focus from trying to get them to like you and instead, trying to figure out if you like them.
Now, to answer your actual question: you don’t ask them if you want to go on a date with you. You just ask if they want to get dinner, or lunch or whatever with you. They’ll pick up what you’re trying to do and you roll with it there. My usual go to (after conversing with a girl) “Hey I really enjoy talking to you/spending time with you (whatever works in the context of you two) and was wondering if you’d want to get dinner sometime?”