Hi there. I have been living in this new big city about a year and have been depressed for various reasons. I have been trying to fix it and feel better but it is tough. I am finally getting new job offers to get out of my current career which is really exciting. Almost positive my current career is part of what makes me depressed along with being in debt, lonely, and alcoholism.
The 2nd part is just being lonely in general. In my home town I have a couple friends and my dad. I only live an hour away, but it would be nice to be closer. I feel like in the big city I live in, i could put in effort in meeting new people and join groups and volunteer. I haven’t really put effort in trying to be honest because I have been too pre occupied with debt and making a living. I have 2 interviews coming up this week. 1 closer to my current city and 1 closer to home town.
Does anybody have any relatable experiences or advice? Maybe when things calm down with money, I can put more effort in meeting people. Or I could move right away and get best of both worlds. I probably need to be patient, but it eats me up sometimes. It isn’t that easy meeting and CONNECTING with new people when you are older but I also haven’t really put in any effort. Thanks for reading
3 comments
Sounds like you’re stuck in a catch 22- where other stressors in your life make it hard to form new relationships, but you are also feeling isolated and that’s having an effect on you.
I have been there before, it sucks. I think it’s really pursuing whatever is more feasible for you.
One avenue to consider too is using digital tools to stay in touch with friends. For example, my friends and I like to watch movies with the app “Discord” once a week. We don’t even live in the same state, but it’s a great way to keep in touch with people and socialize.
Another question to ask is what do you think you are missing the most? Quality connections with close friends/confidants (someone to talk to your problems about?). Could be worth reconnecting with your own friends/family from your hometown.
Is it an issue of just getting social interaction as a whole? Good friendships take time, so even if you had the energy to go out and meet people, it’d take at least a few weeks and regular interact before you’d get chummy with some. If it’s just an issue of being around other humans in general though, it could be a great change of pace. Could try picking something really convenient and non committal too (Hiking group? Social meetup at a bar?), since you are so strapped/focused on your financial situation too.
Anyways, best of luck friend, sounds rough, but also sounds like you’ve got a good understanding of what your problem is.
Well you haven’t even tried to create a social life in your new city. I think it’s easy for people to default to what’s low risk and comfortable, ie move back to your home town.
In all honesty, an hour drive is nothing. You could easily drive home every weekend if you wanted to. If it was me, I’d try to be more active in your current city. Maybe you will make new friends, maybe you will find the love of your life, maybe you will network and land a better job. At the end of the day, the choice is yours. However, if you don’t take action you will just have “what if” scenarios running in your head when you are older. It’s better to try and fail, then to not try at all (imo).
Congrats on the new job. That’s exciting!
Do you have your depression managed? Alcoholism? Both of these will derail plans to meet people or make the progress you want. Since you have a job and likely have healthcare, I highly recommend seeing a therapist to help manage your depression better. As men we don’t get told to deal with our depression via treatment by a knowledgeable professional enough. I know a lot of men with untreated depression at my age who’ve come to realize they had it when they were your age and it wreaked havoc over decades unchecked and untreated.