I am very inexperienced when it comes to dating. I think I have solid social skills, but don’t have much confidence in kissing and touching even though I would like to elevate things. Because of this, I hold back on physical touch and might come off as disinterested in intimacy, especially as dates progress and there is an expectation of increasing touch/intimacy.
I also find myself ‘self-sabotaging’ when sexual tension builds. For example, when my date says something sexually suggestive, I playfully joke around until it becomes more serious and I change the subject because I get shy and I don’t want to give them the impression I’m ready for sex right at that moment.
How do I progress physical touch throughout dates? How do I keep the sexual tension alive without it having to lead to sex at that moment?
I heard that sex is usually expected between 3-5 dates, but I don’t think I’d be ready until 6-8 dates (I am a virgin).
3 comments
i mean, something as simple as moving closer to touch legs or feet can work. no one’s running off to have sex in the bathroom at any given moment (i don’t think). holding hands, flirt with the eyes. wait to see if they reciprocate or respond. it can all add to the sexual tension. also, a simple “i’m attracted to you but i’m not ready to have sex just yet” would probably be good too.
My advice is find a guy who isn’t pushy, is willing to respect your boundaries, and be patient with the inexperience. Someone you think you can develop trust with. Be up front about all this too. It’s a major red flag when a guy is put on notice and still is testing said boundaries. Don’t put yourself into uncomfortable situations for the sake of experience or their needs. Personally I wouldn’t find any of this objectionable given the inexperience.
I’d say the biggest thing that will help you is finding partner that makes you feel safe in general and in terms of physicality of relationship in particular.
You should hug because you want to. Not because there is a locked in relationship timeline that says it has to happen by date x. Same goes for any kind of physical “milestones”.