The other day a lady at the library was breastfeeding her child that was around 3 years old. I noticed a lot of people were looking at her funny. For some reason it also put me on edge even though I’m actually still breastfeeding my 14 month old (granted she’s a lot younger than 3). I’ve had so many family members telling me I need to stop breastfeeding my daughter (this started when she was about 9 months). I am at the point where i do not like breastfeeding her in public anymore. In other parts of the world extended breastfeeding is considered quite normal so why is it so almost frowned upon here??
If you are against extended breastfeeding why is that?
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> why is it so almost frowned upon here??
I don’t agree with that. Obviously I’m not there all the time, but I can’t recall a bad experience in public with it told by my wife.
> many family members telling me I need to stop
Ah yes. There is something to this though among much older ones. It’s a mix of a myth that you can’t get pregnant if you’re breastfeeding (they want more grandkids!). I think there’s an element of…. jealousy or something to it too. Whereby they didn’t breastfeed their kids and don’t want to think they did a bad job.
I actually had this conversation with my very pro-breastfeeding friend a while ago.
For both of us, it’s that we feel at that age they should be drinking lots of water and having proper meals. Breastfeeding to sleep at that age, definitely.
I would find it strange only because I would expect them to be drinking water at that time. Still having naps and breastfeeding as part of that routine? Sure!
I wouldn’t say I’m against it, but as a child becomes more independent there’s more importance in getting their nutrition and hydration from other sources. That child could be going to school next year and breastfeeding during the day won’t work for them.
I think as a western civilisation we seem to have had an obsession with making children as independent as possible as young as possible. I think this is changing with the current generation, I am a parent of a young toddler and whilst I was completely unable to produce milk (thank you, useless breasts!) I am very much on the side of waiting until my toddler is ready to do things before doing them, and that would have included breastfeeding her until she was ready to stop or I really couldn’t keep going. For example, she is 2.5 and is showing absolutely no signs of readiness for toilet training. I’m fine with that, I’ll wait till she’s ready. Older people in my family are losing their minds that she’s not toilet trained. It seems to be ingrained in a lot of older people that kids should be mini-adults and not at all dependent on their parents and seeing a toddler breast feed probably makes them really uncomfortable.
However, I do have to say, I don’t think continuing to breast feed past infancy is fair on the child. I’m not talking about 3 year olds, but I do think breastfeeding a child of 5/6 is inappropriate because they are developing memories and independence and personally, I wouldn’t want to remember breastfeeding. Might just be me though.
Bitty
Countries where it is normal they may well have issues with nutrition generally so a good idea. Here it does just seem a bit strange if a child gets to the age where they can talk and ask for it. It is the whole idea behind the “bitty” Little Britain sketch. But I thought people were quite supportive, really not on to start questioning parents or telling them they should stop.
From my point of view, at some stage the child will go to nursery and then school, where they won’t be able to breastfeed and so it can actually be better for the child get used to not breastfeeding so it won’t come as such a shock when they can’t.
The same goes for potty training, I know of primary age children who were not potty trained and it 100% not part of a teachers role to change nappies of 5 year olds.
No point in breastfeeding a three year old when they can get their nutrition from proper food and drink.
I think it’s down to cultural “norms”. The UK has been very much influenced by formula companies which has greatly reduced the numbers of mothers who breastfeed and the length of the breastfeeding journey. There are now huge sensitivities around breastfeeding. Also, the sexualisation of breasts has an impact on people’s views
I agree, it’s so word in British culture how weirded out people get over breast feeding. In my culture it’s perfectly normal.
I know it’s hard if people have a stigma. But do what’s best for you and your child
I breastfed my daughter until she was 3 and people are so shocked to hear that. I got lots of negative comments from family members but they all had their babies in the 80s when it wasn’t as encouraged to breastfeed so they have outdated views. Also had health visitors advise me who had never breastfed themselves. I don’t care what others thought and neither should you – your baby your choice
I wouldn’t say it’s frowned upon so much so that’s it not the cultural norm.
IIRC the U.K. has the worst breastfeeding rate in the Western world already so even seeing infants breastfed in public is just not common.
I’m all for extended breastfeeding but I see it the same as cuddling up on a lap and having some other form of milk. I wouldn’t expect most 3 year olds to be cuddling on a lap for milk in a cup or bottle in the library. At home at bedtime, sure. And it’s just about what you’re used to seeing – unfamiliar things are uncomfortable.
Ideally, you wouldn’t have a 3 year old still drinking from a bottle for the same reason.
I breast fed my two oldest for a year each, but there comes a time where there needs to be some independance growing and getting the breast on demand from a 3 year old is too much. They need to learn other ways to self soothe. A cuddle and a stuffed animal for sure, but it’s time to wean at 3.
Doesn’t make a lot of sense in first world countries with available nutrition and a soon to be entered into school system where they won’t be able to anymore. In a third world country it is often a necessity. Context is everything in sociological questions like this. A byproduct of any environmental factors like this is a set of naturally occurring practical frameworks that the majority of people, for practical reasons, fall into. So when someone’s public social behaviours extend far outside these frameworks society does a double take. There’s nothing morally wrong with it of course, but you have to except that wide deviation from any societal framework will illicit attention upon the subject. That’s simple humanity for better or worse
Well I mean.. at what point do you stop? When you gain muscles for holding your grown ass child up to drink milk?
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#GetThemReps
I admit I never really understood extended breastfeeding, I couldn’t nurse my oldest so perhaps that’s why, but I enlisted some help and currently nursing my seven month old, I have always tried to keep her taking bottles of formula too in case I want to wear something other than a nursing top when out or if my husband is caring for her when I want a break / go out alone.
But tbh I am wondering when I will be able to stop all together, my baby girl wants and I think emotionally requires it for her development, if she’s tired or upset or in a strange place, literally nothing else will do, she needs it to to regulate herself.
Personally, I don’t really want to be a mother who nurses past the age of one, but the more I read into it the more I learn that the uk is one of the lowest in Europe for nursing – most other countries nurse beyond one.
I see loads of people chatting about the nutritional element of breastfeeding at that age. But not much about bond and connection between mother and child.
OP, I breastfed mine until 3 years, and I’m breastfeeding an 18 month old. I believe in letting the child decide when they are ready to stop.
I’m not doing extended breastfeeding for nutritional reasons. It’s a lovely way to connect with each other, have cuddles, when they’re upset, it soothes them.
OP, you have my support if you decide to do extended feeding and equally if you choose not to.
But personally, I think people are against it because breasts are for sex and they see a mobile child on them it makes them feel uncomfortable.
My wife breastfed both of ours until they were 3. She’s originally from a country where they get 3 years of maternity leave, so I think it’s probably more common there With the first one I thought, beyond 18 months or so, that it wasn’t necessary and I couldn’t really get why she wanted to. But that was based on nothing more than just assuming it was too old for no real reason, and I didn’t challenge her on it or anything. When child 1 was at nursery she was just breastfed once or twice a day, mostly as a comfort thing. She’s now 7 and is perfectly normal and well adjusted.
With child 2 I didn’t give it a second thought. He is not normal, he’s a fucking lunatic.
Honestly, 3 feels too old. Once a kid can have normal meals and doesn’t need it as a supplement, there isn’t really any developmental reason to continue it. You can still cuddle and such for comfort and bonding so that doesn’t strike me as much of a reason either.
Also at 3 it’s normal to be spending time at nursery where breastfeeding is not going to be possible, so for practical reasons it’s impractical for many.
I think breastfeeding at 3 says quite a lot about a mother’s desire for dependency at an age a kid is well past the need for it nutritionally or emotionally
It’s not about breastfeeding for me, I would react the same way to a three year old being bottle fed. At that age they can eat normal food, so why not let them? There comes a point I think where breastfeeding ends up being more for the benefit of the mother than the child and that’s not really a good thing imo.
It has always seemed mad to me that people will happily accept topless women for sexual gratification but not breastfeeding. The truth is that the British are not very accepting of breastfeeding at any age, and they become more disapproving with the increasing age of a child.
They seem to think that while you do not hasten potty training or walking or talking successfully by artificial means, it is a failure of parenting if you do not want a child off breastfeeding by twelve months old.
Ignore them. If you are doing it right the child will gradually wean themselves and when the time is right it’s right. No parent can extend breastfeeding beyond the point a child wants it. They become more independent by being ready to take the next step, not by forcing them to take it.
There is a lot of implied criticism in the answers which is typical of the British attitude. Ignore that too.
We’re trapped between two opposing views. On the one hand if you don’t breastfeed you’re lazy and not a good mother but if you *dare* do it too long then you’re pathetic.
The amount of time you’re “meant” to spend changes too. After 6 months is the cut off for some, for others its a year.
My 8-month-old is breastfed and the push to “get him on a bottle” is unreal. I go back to work in 2 months and then he’ll be getting expressed milk while at nursery. We don’t have as much of a pumping culture as in the states and often breastfeeding groups ban discussion on pumping because its not “real breastfeeding”.
Between the “get them on a bottle” gang and the breastfeeding mafia, its no wonder our breastfeeding rates are so low. Let alone “extended” breastfeeding. The WHO recommends breastfeeding until 2yrs old but we’re just not setup to allow that to happen for most families.
I haven’t even read the comments but it’s because people are uneducated about breastfeeding. Unless you have successfully breastfed or been around someone who has then you really don’t understand extended breastfeeding. It’s not all about nutrition.
Because breasts have been sexualised to a point some women feel uncomfortable with using them as nature intended and the general public can’t cope with it. I breastfed our youngest until she was about 2 & a half, luckily I have resting bitch face and noone ever said a word! I think people really struggle to separate the “woohoo boobs are sexy” from the fact that breasts are there to feed infants, the age for natural term weaning is somewhere from 5-7 and many places in the world do natural term weaning so 2 is really young to stop! WHO & UNICEF both advise to continue breastfeeding until AT LEAST 2, and that longer is great
The UK is generally quite anti breastfeeding. Try talking about the benefits and you immediately get shut down with fed is best. Try talking about the struggles and you will immediately be told to give them a bottle.
I think people are just quick to judge anything that’s outside the norm, especially when it comes to motherhood. Extended breastfeeding wouldn’t work for me personally as I would want to return to work and be able to leave my child in the care of others sometimes, but I think every woman should have the right to make her own decision without being judged (and it should also be recognised that not every woman has a choice, some women can’t breastfeed for a variety for reasons). Short term breastfeeding, extended breastfeeding, bottle feeding – as long as baby is fed and getting what they need nutritionally, it’s all good.
My 18 month old has a lot of teeth.
To me, that’s a clear sign from nature that boob-time is over.
So kids double that age still being on the breast? Unnatural, to me, by my logic.
It’s frowned upon here because idiots love sticking their noses into none of their business, especially on topics they have absolutely incorrect ideas about.
You feed your child as long as feels right to you.
The replies here showing incredible ignorance and stating totally incorrect opinion as fact prove that.
You do you.
Fuck the haters.
Some of it comes from people who can’t seem to separate the sexualisation of breasts from feeding a child. The two are sometimes conflated and that causes people to see breastfeeding as gross. The older a child is the stronger that opinion becomes. It’s stupid. A child has absolutely no notion of sex and just sees food.
People who think it provides no nutritional benefit, of whom there seem to be a lot in this comment section, are also ignoring the science that it’s not just about nutrition. Breast milk provides antibodies. It also provides hydration. It’s a top up for everything else the child consumes as they get older and doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not having adequate water or food through the day anyway. In hot weather it’s probably quite helpful.
People who have said, “ooh but it won’t be available at preschool/nursery/school” are assuming the child wouldn’t just carry on with their day as normal and be desperate for boob. My daughter started nursery at 10 months for two days a week and though I sent breast milk with her she didn’t drink it. She’s not bothered about it while she’s there at all. She’s 2 now, and I’m still feeding her a little bit, but I don’t think she’s actually getting much milk out, it’s more of a comfort thing and we don’t feed in public because she only really has it morning after waking and evening before bed. She’s not ready to give it up just yet, but she’s not far off self weaning.
I agree it should be much less an on demand thing as they get older. They can be told, “not now, you know we only do that at bedtimes” which is how I started to cut down feeds. They’re old enough to understand it’s not something they can have at any given time.
The child will decide when they are ready. Nothing wrong with it. Tell the family they can do one. Admittedly, if they are still on the boob in secondary school, there may be issues.
All these replies make me even more sure that I won’t tell anyone that I’m still breastfeeding past 18 months (if baby still needs/wants boob at that point)
Everyone is so opinionated! And yet the only opinions that count are the mother and child!
Yeah past 12 months most babies don’t need breastmilk for nutrition anymore, but they do need it for comfort, love, snuggles! Breastfeeding is so much more than just food!
Full disclosure, I’m a parent, but I’m not a woman. Most of my experiences are based on what my wife told me.
We weaned our kids around 1 1/2 to 2, give or take individual difference. This was because they were eating solid food and healthy, and there wasn’t really any reason to continue.
The other reason was because being the sole conduit of nutrition for our kids made my wife feel like she was shackled to them, unable to get anything approaching free time, and while bonding and nursing is good, it’s not the only priority in her life. She found the process draining and often unpleasant.
Like many things about rearing children, things which are magical and awesome the first few times they happen lose their splendor after the fiftieth time of doing them, and by the time they’re due to end you’re relieved you no longer have to do it. I suspect this is an internal psychological process to stop you just doing something all the time even when it’s no longer appropriate to do so.
That, I think, is the basis of why many women who have had children don’t like extended breastfeeding. It indicates a lack of the natural progression of events which makes you absolutely into something to begin with, only to tire of it and seek the next thing your child needs. Really, if you want to look at attitudes to breastfeeding, the only ones that count are women’s.
There’s quite a lot of comments about the nutritional benefits of breastfeeding having diminished by the age of 3. The composition of breast milk changes with the needs of a growing child. However, beyond nutrition one of the key benefits (and there are a number of others£ would be the immune factors that would contribute to the treatment and prevention of childhood illnesses. Antibiotics are abundant in breast milk and contribute to a child’s health, especially given their immune systems are not fully developed at this age.
The UK doesn’t yet have a general culture supportive to breastfeeding – there’s huge variation by location, ethnicity and social class, lack of support groups in many areas, baby picture frames come with embossed bottles all round…
In my experience people were mainly pretty supportive if awkward up to a year or so – I recall lots of male baristas compulsively offering me water in cafes. But after 6 months (when it became really easy, so more motivation to continue) I’d get questioned about didn’t I get disapproval from other people around?
Not them, of course. Other people.
After about 15 months, there’s still a fair bit of breastfeeding happening, but almost all in private. One big reason is toddlers are really distractible, so prone to suddenly turning away or even moving off you!
And if they do want a feed, it’s generally first thing in the morning, last thing at night, or when they’ve woken in the night.
So the public don’t see it, and get shocked when they see a toddler feeding just like some people were at seeing any breastfeeding, until breastfeeding became promoted again by health services and protected by law.
Older family can be a pain – mine were concerned and not helpful while I was having huge problems getting it to work, not wanting to see me in pain, but by 5 months mum was evangelising breastfeeding to all and sundry, showing what an adorable grandson it was making. But if you’ve got a supportive partner, it shouldnt be a problem.
The oldest I fed to was 2 1/2, finally getting youngest to sleep through the night without. Oldest in public was probably at some vaccination or other time with upset small toddler. Anyone would prefer that to a kid screaming!
I say breastfeed your child until they stop. The breasts are full of nutrients for your baby, you can also store your breast milk and put it in other things like their cereal or whatever. Breast milk is also great for skin you can use it to wash your face or your child’s face.
I am pro extended breastfeeding if it works for baby and mum.
I breastfed my first 2.5 years and had always thought I would do the same with my second, but they don’t seem as interested. I would be sad, but accepting, it it ended earlier on baby’s terms. I could see how some mums would push for longer than the child needs because of this.
I also did not have the need to breastfeed in public once they got to over about a year. It was a first thing in the morning, around naps, before bed type of thing. And then we dropped the nap feeds, and then the morning feed and finally the night one. It worked for us.
My 11 mo is not sleeping anywhere near through the night, and feeding to sleep in bed is where we are, I would hate to put a limit on when we couldn’t do that anymore.
I’ve breastfed both my girls past 3yrs, still breastfeeding my youngest who’s 3.5yrs.
I’ve been called a paedophile online for breastfeeding, and this was when my older daughter was about 2!
Health professionals are funny, I either get “wow, well done! I don’t know anyone who’s done it for that long.” Or “how old is your baby?… oh, oh right, are you stopping soon?” 😅
Actual members of the public in person, I’ve thankfully never had a funny look or a bad word, which is good, and if I spot someone breastfeeding I watch people around them to see their reactions and haven’t seen a bad one yet.
Wow the comments aren’t it. My son is over 2.5 and still breastfeeding. It’s for comfort. He drinks plenty of squash and water. He eats more than a grown man most days. Comfort is an absolutely valid reason to breastfeed. Its no one’s business but ours. He feeds to sleep but I’m not asking anyone else to put him to sleep so that isn’t an issue.
A 3 year old is still so little why shouldn’t they have comfort from their mum for God’s sake?
I’ve never understood why it needs to be anyone other than the mother’s decision to stop breastfeeding. The problem is not breastfeeding, it’s the abnormal perception of breasts as only being a sexual organ.
We are mammals. We feed our babies via mammary glands. It’s normal. The people who stop and stare etc are the weirdos.
Sorry the comment section is proving how backward people’s ideas about breastfeeding are. The fact is, most people are extremely ignorant about breastfeeding, and many absolutely cannot help but sexualize it, which is… really gross. I see comments saying that kids with teeth shouldn’t breastfeed – most babies have teeth by six months. I see comments saying kids who can ask for it shouldn’t breastfeed – the WHO recommends two years OR MORE. The fact is, people’s discomfort with extended breastfeeding says much more about their own sexual confusion than it does about the realities of breastfeeding. It’s yet another example of people thinking their ignorance about women’s bodies outweighs scientific reality. Literally the only reason to be against extended breastfeeding is because it seems sexual to you, and if it seems sexual to you, well, you’re wrong and a bit disgusting.
My partner breastfeeds our nearly 2.5 year old.
She’s an absolute champion of the cause and I admire her for it, she really struggled with it initially but threw herself into it and has been going strong since and it’s still a comfort to our kid. He is starting to understand things more and sometimes he doesn’t always want it.
It’s so odd to us that people feel they are entitled to stick their nose in about it to her. It’s a weird way to think “you must do X until Y age and then stop X”
It’s had zero negative impact and the actual benefits of it are mind blowing in the long run. It decreases risks of catching diseases and cancer later in life. When he’s ill it alters it’s composition to help get rid of the illness. When she’s ill it gives him antibodies to prevent him from catching it. They found some information relating to covid vaccine going through to breastmilk and giving antibodies too.
Loads of other cultures and countries do it until later on and the benefits make it that much more appealing.
It sounds mean but I find it stems from jealousy if they couldn’t do it with their own child. Or just downright disgust? I can’t stand that there’s just a constant barrage of shame directed at new mothers about this.
Lower socio-economic areas turn their nose up at it too cos it’s considered quite ‘hippy’ or middle class WHEN IT’S FREE to do?!
Sorry, rant over. It’s an important issue for us.
There are some bad takes in this thread from people who obviously are not parents. It is not ‘weird’ to breastfeed for as long as the mother deems to be right. It is totally natural and the people who think it is weird are attaching a sexual element to it which is very weird.
Breast feeding longer term has many benefits to women and children, including lower breast and ovarian cancer risk in women, and for children breastfeeding is a protective factor for several infectious, atopic, and cardiovascular diseases as well as for leukaemia, necrotising enterocolitis, celiac disease, and inflammatory bowel disease. It also has a positive impact on neurodevelopment, improving IQ and reducing the risk of attention deficit disorder, and generalised developmental and behavioural disorders. Lactation can decrease the risk of sudden infant deaths syndrome by 36% and prevent 13% of infant mortality worldwide.
It’s also fucking hard work at first though and nobody talks about the demand it puts on the mother.
For everyone saying breastfeeding a toddler is meaningless, please look at all the research that suggests otherwise. Breastmilk (in any form, whether it be directly from the breast or pumping and giving via bottles) has shown to be beneficial for brain and physical development up to the age of 6 years.
A lot of children naturally wean themselves off physical breastfeeding by the time they’re 3 years old. But breastmilk remains highly beneficial for both child and mother. The evidence is there but people prefer to think it’s weird.
In the UK, formula feeding is very normalised and there are lots of campaigns to try and increase our breastfeeding stats. This will take a long time as we have spent generations thinking the way we do and listening to family members/friends.
We have a 13 week old (firstborn) and i’ve been staggered by the amount of people who try to convince my OH to give up breastfeeding to “get her life back”.
Its almost as if they look at parenthood as an inconvenience where you have to make things as easy for yourself as possible even if its to the detriment of your child.
The thing is, breastfeeding isn’t easy, its a huge commitment and its draining both emotionally and physically. When you’re having a bad day its easy to become influenced by these peoples insidious comments.
All this thread has done has made me disappointed in people, but I guess the average age here is early to mid 20s and mostly male so likely a lot of people answering who haven’t breastfed. Unfortunately a lot of people who did breastfeed saying 3 is too old to breastfeed in public, which is just wrong on so many levels.
I breastfed to 3.5, which was mostly self-weaning process (I was pregnant, my breasts were on fire when my oldest nursed, he saw I was in pain but was only having 5 seconds of comfort at bedtime anyway). Near the end, sure, I said, “Wait until later,” sometimes, but children have different levels of emotional development and different levels of need for comfort a 3-year-old is still very little on the scale of their whole life.
I also think before you stop breastfeeding, you can’t see breastfeeding as anything unusual. It’s just part of your day, like giving them water or food or cleaning their bum, you just give them milk on demand and enjoy the moment of calm and don’t bat an eyelid. Your relationship hasn’t changed since they were born, you gave them milk on demand then and you carry on doing it because, frankly, it’s easier than forcing them to stop when they’re not ready. When they are ready, it all changes. A month after my oldest self-weaned, he asked if he could have Mum milk again and I, seeing no reason that wouldn’t be okay, shrugged and said, “Okay,” and then had a knee-jerk feeling of repulsion as he very briefly tried to latch, made a face and it was mutually agreed to never do it again.
It’s all well and good to say, “I breastfed to this age but that age is wrong,” but you’re not the breastfeeding mum going about her day. She’s probably not thinking, “This 3-year-old is basically a newborn,” she’s probably not thinking, “My child is getting a bit big for this,” she’s hopefully not giving a fuck who’s watching or looking at her. Most likely, she’s enjoying a moment of silence.
One way or another, it’s nobody else’s business how long a woman breastfeeds for. The assumed natural weaning age in humans, based on what we know about other great apes and comparing their development to ours, is 3-5 years and most children if allowed to breastfeed on demand as long as they want will self-wean by 5. No problem if a woman doesn’t want to breastfeed that long, but there are people who think breastfeeding past 6 months is ‘gross’ and creepy, so probably best that people keep their opinions to themselves.
Edit: Just wanted to add something I said in another comment. Shaming women for feeding their children is not okay. Women should not have to hide away in secret to feed their children, ever, at any age. There is nothing shameful about breastfeeding, there is nothing inappropriate about breastfeeding, breasts are not inherently sexual and it’s really sad to me that so many people here think it’s any of their business that a woman breastfeeds her own child.
I hope you realize the majority of peoples opinions here are not rooted in science/fact. Most are pretty ignorant to child development…
It’s just so odd in this country we’re ok with drinking milk from a cows teat but not from their own mother’s. Ppl happy to see a 3yo drinking beaker of cow milk or yoghurt but their own mother is gross. I don’t get it. Maybe if it was expressed it’d be more tolerated? Which then implies it’s like a sexual disgust people have ? I don’t know. Not a parent