I’d like to preface by stating that I understand there’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with her desiring this as I enjoy taking a mostly dominant role during these activities! I AM NOT SEXIST, but this leads me to my dilemma.
My girlfriend has expressed interest in becoming more dominant in bed but whenever I think of her being on top, inhibiting me, talking dirty to me in dominant manners, or anything else I’d enjoy if the roles were reversed, I just feel disgusted (keep in mind, these are things she has expressed interest in, not just things I enjoy when I take the dominant role).
The main reasons are:
1. It would be difficult for me to pretend to be helpless or something considering our physical differences. She’s quite a bit smaller and physically weaker than me so it would take me out of whatever we’re doing and I fret that instead of desire or any sexual feelings coming through I may show amusement instead (we’ve tried a tiny role switch before and I wasn’t able to finish because I was trying to hide how I felt instead of focusing on the sex), and I’d hate to discourage her.
2. It’s not something that turns me on, I feel that in order for anything of this sort to work I’d have to be excited about it, but I just can’t seem to think of it in any positive way.
Before you say anything, I understand that this is a clear double standard. She enjoys being on the submissive end of things and I enjoy being on the dominant end, but she has recently had such a large desire to try the latter that I find it difficult to express my feelings on the matter, and I question whether or not I should express them in the first place! How can I try to be more comfortable with being on the submissive end, because I’d definitely like to make her happy?
3 comments
She doesn’t want you behind it; she wants you in front of it!
I don’t know if this will be helpful to you, but what if instead of thinking of domination as something that has to come from your GF’s physical strength, submission is something that you give her. “I could move her, but I won’t cause it’ll make her happy and make us both feel good” for example. Simple restraints might work too.
I have no real suggestions for your second reason, we all have different preferences. Maybe start small so you can both build confidence in the different roles?
Once you’re in restraints, I’m sure she’ll have the upper hand so you don’t really need to pretend.
You can also just be submissive.. you don’t need to actually be physically weaker than someone to do what you’re told.
But at the end of the day if you’re disgusted by it then it’s just not something you can do together. It’s a loss for her but it’s pretty rare to be 100% sexually compatible.
If you really want to work on it, take it slow and work your way up to more intense things. You might actually like it. Hand/arm restraints are pretty tame. Then add leg. Then blind fold. Or if you’re going for a doing what your told thing, she can start with telling you to take off your clothes, then she can demand you eat her out and escalate from there.