I always see people giving advice like: “Just go out and start talking to people”
How exactly does it work logistically? Let’s say I go to a bar or something by myself, everyone else has their own friend groups or they’re on dates or whatever. Do you just eavesdrop on conversations and try to join in? That seems insane to me.
Or even just drinking alone, it just feels very awkward sitting there alone sipping a beer.
Any tips for trying to socialize while going out alone?
2 comments
Oof, yeah, butting into other peoples’ conversations maybe works well if you’re a very charismatic person, but I definitely wouldn’t be trying it. Being around other people will eventually result in short conversational opportunities, such as small talk while waiting for the bus and that kind of thing, or random times while out shopping.
My tip would be to practice being comfortable being alone in public, people generally won’t care much.
If you’re alone at a bar and someone is standing near you, get their attention by turning a little towards them and ask a question or make a comment. If they seem receptive, then you start a little small talk and go back and forth.
You can also do this with the bartender if they don’t seem busy and look bored. Often if you can start a conversation with the bartender, other people might join in.
Keep in mind that the questions you ask or the comments you make don’t need to be witty, super interesting, or insightful. They’re just a way to signal to the other person that you’re open to talking. If someone is bored or wants to talk, they’ll likely reciprocate.
If they’re not in the mood to socialize, they won’t reciprocate. It’s not always personal to you, or what you said, so don’t feel like you were boring or uninteresting.
You can say simple things like,
— “Your drink looks fun. What’d you order?”
—Point out a piece of clothing of theirs and compliment it, and ask where they got it
—Make a comment about a song playing at the bar or something on the TV
—“I’ve never been here before, is it normally this crowded / empty?”
If you spot someone who seems chatty or social, you can always move over next to them and start a conversation.
To be honest, I’m an extrovert and I often just say whatever pops up into my head. I don’t preplan what I say so I usually just read someone’s energy and say something. Or I just say the first thing that pops into my head.
The key to doing this well is thick skin, lack of self consciousness, and being okay with being uncomfortable. Because you might make several attempts to talk to different people and it might not work out.
So if you try once and it doesn’t work, don’t feel bad, just try again.
Hope this helps