My (21M) Gf (20F) 6 months has had sex with 24 guys before me. She has had one relationship in high school lasting ~ a year. Became sexually active 5 months before her 16th birthday. Want to know other peoples opinion on if this is an outrageous amount of partners to have at this age. Let me be clear, not suffering retroactive jealousy, not worried about her loyalty or love for me, it’s just that knowing her number has caused me to look at her a bit differently and it’s hard to imagine. Like we’ll be hanging out and everything is going great and then this thought of her number just goes into my head and makes me feel all weird. In my mind her number is very high but I want to know if anyone else has had experience to put this number in context. For example, does anyone know other women who are a similar age with a similar number, or girls who are older but with proportionally higher numbers? My gf definitely is very sexual and loves sex, but it’s just hard for me to wrap my head around the number sometimes. I hate feeling this way because she’s great and I love her, but sometimes can’t help but feel a bit weird about it. My count is half hers for context, with a 2.5-3 year relationship. Would love to just get general thoughts.
Edit: love this girl and wish we’d never discussed the body count conversation. Hate that this makes me feel weird about her because otherwise I could see myself marrying her (I know I’m young, but you get the point)
TLDR: gf partner count is 25 at age 20- makes me feel weird and view her differently. Looking for context if anyone else has experience with women with similar numbers or advice for me.
24 comments
>if this is an outrageous amount of partners to have at this age
If she started that young I’d be more worried about grooming or abuse.
I knew a few girls like that, and they found it very difficult to be faithful to one guy. Take heed.
My number exceeds that of your GF. I am 33 and married to my second spouse now (both F). Literally neither of us ever think about the past in that way; I am just a normal person in a normal marriage, buying groceries and scooping cat litter, having sex with my spouse in a normal person way.
Her number doesn’t mean she’s unfaithful. It doesn’t mean she’s immoral. Let’s be real: if that many women had actually wanted to sleep with you, you surely would’ve let it happen. If at 20 parties over the course of college you met a woman who went home with you, that’s 5 parties a year. 2.5 parties a semester. Is that really so many people? You wouldn’t think so if it were you.
In sum:
Why in the world does this number matter at all to you? You certainly don’t mind your role in adding to it.
Maybe try to focus on her past experiences as being a *good* thing. Inexperienced sex can be awkward and unsatisfactory, but having some experience both with partners and oneself 100% makes sex better. In my opinion.
Also, she’s with YOU. She wants YOU. That means something.
I think you should be happy to be with a woman who loves sex and isn’t inhibited by archaic beliefs!
I’ve never bothered counting up how many people I’ve slept with but it was higher than that by age 20. And at 20 I met my amazing husband (who has never once asked me about my sexual past) and I’ve been happily fucking him, and only him, for 15 years 😊
It is a lot for a 20yo, there’s nothing wrong with being uncomfortable with it. A guy who has bedded 24 girls at that age would be considered a serious player. She obviously has been quite promiscuous and that is part of her character. Some people will be fine with that, others will not.
The research on this, and my own life experience, is that people who are/have been promiscuous are much, much more likely to be unfaithful- which is probably what you sense in your gut, which is totally normal.
Again reddit will totally dismiss you for being honest about what your gut feels, but bear in mind the demographics of this sub
Your post history suggests you suffer from deep insecurity when it comes to finding a romantic partner. I’d encourage you to find a way to work that out before being in a relationship and imposing your warped view of women onto one of them.
By 20 my count was mid 30’s. 95% of that was casual and group sex. Has no bearing on who I am as a person or the wife I am. Happily with hubby for 12 years with 2 kids.
>Let me be clear, not suffering retroactive jealousy, not worried about her loyalty or love for me
Than what’s the problem? Why does it make you feel weird? Why do you think less of her because of it?
My husband is the opposite and has under 10 and all were girlfriends. It’s never been an issue. I have zero desire for another partner. Very happy and satisfied with my husband even after 12 years.
Do you have a specific preference that your GF should have a maximum body count? if you do, to me that’s ok, that’s your preference. To each his own. But I have been watching podcasts and verifying studies they provide, surprisingly there is a study that possibility of divorce increases exponentially as body count increases for women.
Worry about how you feel about her, don’t worry some number.
You are allowed to have standards.
You are allowed to feel about promiscuity however you want to.
Anyone who tries to shame you for having standards is not someone you want to be around.
I’d break up with someone that promiscuous, but that’s just me.
Don’t let people shame you into staying.
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The expected # of disgusting comments but yes, you should dump her because you’re not compatible.
Also body count obsessions are stupid for exactly this reason. When do you stop counting?
Cue all the women with high body counts calling you insecure and to just “get over it brah. What are you a misogynist or something?”
Ignore them OP. They do this because they are insecure about their own body counts. You are allowed to find it unattractive or a turn off. You are allowed to let that be a deal breaker for you. You are allowed to have standards. If my girl had 24 bodies at age 20, she would no longer be my girl because that is disgusting in my opinion.
If your gut wrenches at the thought, find someone who doesn’t have a history like that.
Why does this bother you? You really need to dig deep and figure it out. Is it because her body count is higher than yours and it makes you feel like you’re less than? If she were a man would it bother you or is the number significant and bothersome merely because she’s a woman and you have a purity/virginity complex?
Ask yourself some really hard questions. You need to. Her number shouldn’t matter if she’s kind, loyal, and you want to be with her. Yet it does matter to you and it’s likely the result of some deeply rooted misogynistic issue you’re not fully aware of yet.
If you can’t come to terms with it, you’ll need to break up. You can’t stay in the relationship if you can’t get over it.
I literally know someone that lost count after 100. She’s 21.
Psychologists tell us body count is a strong predictor of infidelity.
You’re an insecure loser that’s why you feel weird
Just because other people are saying “it’s normal ” and “get over it” doesn’t mean you have to feel that way. It’s all about preference. Maybe you don’t like the idea of a promiscuous girl? & that’s fine. Honestly, I could’ve had a higher number than that in the span of 2 years but it’s not because I choose not to. I Choose not to sleep around because that’s my preference. Yet it’s to easy if I wanted to. It’s just easier for girls to get laid. So Maybe it bothers you because you subconsciously think she has no self control or standards since it’s easy for her to sleep around. Btw her number has no bearing on being loyal or not. I’m sure she’ll be perfectly faithful & her past has nothing to do with her faithfulness.
Op some people just have higher sex drives and less resistance persuing partners than others. I was one of those girls. I’m not 35 been married for a year and with my husband for now 4 years. By the time I was 30 I had just over 100 partners. I always used protection and was tested every 3 months.
I’m college educated, I’ve never been a big drinker nor done drugs.
Stop letting this information effect you because it doesn’t. This doesn’t make her a different person or less than she was before you knew this.
Women on here will tell you that it doesn’t matter because they’re just the same. You are lucky if you find a woman with less than 50 bodycount at 30 so buckle up, bro
You’re going to get slaughtered here, especially with your post history. So hopefully, you see this as I believe it is important to address the feeling inside you and work back from there vs. get over it, it’s normal, or that you’re so insecure etc…
Firstly, it’s your feelings, and they are valid. It doesn’t matter if they come from an insecure place; you’re here on Reddit asking, which means you are open, need validation and are bothered/uncomfortable with the feelings you feel.
Validate your feelings and view first, and then take a moment to ask yourself, what am I feeling behind the uncertainty et al.? What part of me feels triggered/uncomfortable with the news? What do I fear that gets triggered instantly when I think about or get reminded about the body count?
Here you will find the truth. It’s a primal fear (fear of abandonment, rejection, not being worthy etc.) that is triggered and threatened by the info you now have.
This part of you needs to be worked on as, from your post history, there is a pattern of uncertainties and inability to self-validate, all based on things that seem to stem from insecurities.
Putting that aside, many folks (all genders) are bothered by a high body count. It can stem from a view that sex is viewed as sacred or an intimate act that you share with someone you feel connected to. There are many reasons, and it matters not what others think; this is your view if it is.
The ability to feel so comfortable with ourselves that we feel and validate our own experiences, beliefs and thoughts; whilst being open to a different view, is one of the highest forms of self-care and worth.
Good luck to you, and I encourage you to dig deeper and find that primal fear/self-worth issue that I presume is a familiar pattern for you and causes many of these uncomfortable feelings within you.
It’s the misogynistic, patriarchal bullshit you’ve been force-fed your whole life that makes you give a shit about numbers. Sex is meant to be enjoyed. Bodies are incredible. Exploring and experimenting and experiencing all that your sexuality has to offer is amazing. Get over it.
I would say, follow your gut. I wouldn’t wife this woman knowing that. The reason: ~ 6 people to give her body to a year tells me she doesn’t really care all that much about her body or who she entrusts it to, and it might be harder for her to be emotionally available and loyal to you later in the relationship.
Only my opinion, I am sure I am in the minority, so I pray that you make the best decision for yourself and her’s. I also hope she finds therapy.