Me (M42) met a wonderful girl (F34) about four months ago and it was going great until a week ago. Lots of hangs, intimacy and friendship. She is really awesome. We are really awesome together.
We also date other people (I’m ENM and she is exploring the dating world too), and we don’t need to text everyday, unless we want to. There’s no obligation to hang or text, it’s all been mutually fun and light and felt very natural and positive.
Last week we had an amazing date, dinner and dancing, totally a thing we love to do together, where afterwards she proposed another hang to see me during the week. She specifically set a date and time, then kind of just flaked on me, we didn’t hang out at all. I texted her on it and proposed a weekend hang if that worked better for her, she agreed to that. She can be busy, and it just seemed like her day got away from her and she just “forgot”.
I felt stood up, basically, and just let the next few days, the weekend, go by and I heard nothing. She never once texted about a hang or anything else, random or otherwise. So I called her on Monday and talked to her about it all , a FaceTime check in. I explained how it made me feel, that moving forward we needed better communication about our plans and I even revealed that I felt stronger about her now than before, and this reaction of mine, spent the whole weekend kind of losing it, was indicative of me catching some feelings.
She was sorry for the flaking and how it made me feel. Also seemed a little surprised, but not fazed or even reacted differently, about me revealing these newfound feelings I had for her. We acknowledged the main points and then moved onto taking about other stuff and then wrapped the call rather awkwardly,
I would consider how I’m feeling about her a natural escalation of hanging out/ connecting and having a deeper relationship with someone. In feeling more for her as we’ve hung out/dated and I might even say I’m bordering on love. I might agree with the statement that I’m “falling for her”.
We’ll, it’s been a week since that last call and I’ve heard nothing. We went from hot to cold in 7 days. Just today I texted her a simple “ hey, hope you’re doing well” and heard back nothing.
Safe to assume, one week out, I’m now ghosted. I get it, it happens. Maybe she’s not taking the emotional change i expressed so well and just bailed. Or I fucked up by calling her on standing meet up, or maybe both.
Either way, I feel divided on hanging on and just walking the fuck away. I take it from most of the tactics with ghosting is to just walk away, don’t engage and do not dog yourself a bigger hole. This might be more about HER than ME.
Either way, I’m torn on what happened.
1 comment
Maybe she did feel a change from you lately, that made her step back. Maybe a different connection got her focus away.. all are speculations that don’t help much at the end of the day. The fact of the matter is that she’s not answering.
If she’ll come back at some point and you’ll forgive her for ghosting you, then try to put her in a mental “time capsule” and tell yourself that maybe you will meet again someday.
If you don’t think you deserve to be ghosted after all that you two had together, just walk away and open yourself up to the next adventure in your life.
In any case, I feel you.