I have been married for 14 years. Me and my husbands are very opposites in some ways. I had my daughter in the second year of my marriage. I started sleeping with her since then and it became a habit. We have a Cal King bed and we are not very huge people. All these years I asked him to sleep with me as I miss the physical touch and affection in this relationship. He always told me to make sure our daughter sleeps in other room and then he can sleep with me. All these years I woke up in the morning crying and feeling sad, nobody to hug me. I told him several times my need to be touched but he says he is not a touchy feely person. Also, another thing is he is a night owl and a morning hawk. I get up at 6 and go to bed at 11pm. Sometimes he is up until 2 am. I love early morning coffee and he most weekends wakes up at 12 and is ready by 1-2pm. I love eating vegetarian food but he won’t eat any carbs only animal protein so we end up always eating by his choice. I eat everything just to save extra hassle and cooking for family.
How do I reconcile our different needs?
2 comments
Life is a negotiation
I hear often times “we are opposites” as an excuse to cover up a failed prior negotiation or one that never happened at all. You have needs and he needs to step up. And vice versa. Everyone has to give and take in a marriage in all aspects.
I would also strongly recommend you speak to your husband about your need for affection. You risk putting your daughter in the middle of your marital problems which is only going to hurt her and exacerbate the issue you have with your husband.
First off, you need to break the habit of sleeping with your daughter. If it’s anything like a couple I know, it’s not going to be easy, potentially painful. However, it’s not healthy for your daughter or your marriage.
Secondly, my wife and I are on different diets. I’m responsible for my food and she hers. Now, if she’s busy, I don’t mind prepping/cooking her food for her. We normally time everything where we still eat together.
On weekends, I cook large meals for everyone, but during the week, I restrict my calories and the type of foods I eat to maintain my physique.
As for staying up late and getting up late, that can get old. However, my guess is, once your daughter is out of the room, he may start coming to bed earlier. I am more of a night owl, so typically I watch tv in bed while the wife snuggles up and goes to sleep.