Can you help me identify if this is emotional abuse/next steps?

I have been married for ten years and thought I was happy in my marriage, but over the past 1-2 years realized how poorly I have been treated for most of the relationship. I did not date seriously before him so I really don’t know how common some of these things are or how much to “put up” with, but my gut tells me these things are not ok. I have been asking for change for years and finally after letting him know how often he makes me cry and putting divorce on the table, he seems to be making a conscious effort. But why did it take that? I feel so disrespected. I am going to be seeking out a therapist either together if he’ll go or separately if not to talk things through. He doesn’t know why he did some of these things besides that he saw some of it modeled in his parents’ relationship (still married). Some of the issues are: calling me nicknames that he knows hurt my feelings. I’ve asked him for years to not do it. It’s nothing derogatory, but I don’t like it and he knows that. He would joke that it’s his Tourette’s which he does not have. Also, when arguing, everything always gets turned around on me. It’s always a competition. For example, I took his boss’ side (who he doesn’t like) when he was late to work a few times and said he’s right, you do need to get there on time, and he immediately turned it on me and said well what about the times when you’re late dropping the kids off to school. He’s right in that that has happened a couple times, but why did he have to throw that in there? He has gotten much better at helping out at home and with the kids, and one thing I never have to worry about with him is other women which is nice. And I know the grass is not always greener. But I’m having trouble healing from the years of hurt. I cry all of the time even though he has shown real change. Obviously we/I need therapy. We’ve never had as robust of sex life as other couples, and now I feel even less attracted to him than I did before because I realized how badly I’ve been treated (I think anyways. I feel it). So I find myself daydreaming about other guys that are giving me attention, and the whole thing is not a great situation. I still love him, but sometimes the idea of starting over is equally appealing to be honest. Thank you for reading and any advice you may have.