I (53m) just found out my wife(58f) is friends on facebook with her ex.

16 comments

1. is this yortzeit, a religous thing?

2. Can’t really see an issue here personally

3. I’d try to chill and not get jealous.

   You’re married to her but we carry the ones we’ve loved with us, especially those we’ve loved and lost.

   If she’s liking sexy pics of his or something that’s one thing, but I wouldn’t fret about this at all. That’s a huge thing to have a kid with someone and have it die within a week. She’ll mourn her loss, and he’s a part of it.

4. Unless she lied to you about it, it’s hardly a breach of trust. Honestly I find it more alarming that you have been married to her for 22 whole years and her innocuous (by all accounts, even including yours) social media connection with an ex is enough for you to lose trust in her.

5. This is a weird thing to be jealous about after 22 years of marriage. You’re not a young lad, and surely your 53 years on earth have taught you that it is possible to remain friendly with and even care for people from your past without that meaning “having feelings for” them in a romantic or sexual sense.

   My husband (15+ years) has Facebook/Twitter/Instagram friends who are exes, and I can’t imagine caring about that in the least. It just feels totally irrelevant to our relationship and our life together.

   Surely you’re not serious when you say that you can’t understand why she would tell him about the yorrzeit. Surely you can understand that, no?

   The real question is: what is the source of your insecurity here? Is there other stuff going on in your marriage that is generating these doubts? Because what you’ve described in this post doesn’t warrant suspicion in my book.

6. >She said she only kept in touch to tell him about the yortzeit (where they read the babys name) in temple every year. Why she would want to do that I have no idea.

   You cannot be serious.

7. This is ridiculous. My ex and I split 17 years ago. Not only are we still friends on Facebook, he’s also still friends with most of my family. When his parents died last year, I was there to support him. But I wouldn’t take him back if he were the last man on earth. Relax and don’t be crazy.

8. Why are you jealous about someone being *social media friends* with their ex spouse? Lots of formerly married people keep in contact. It’s innocuous.

   Also, what do you mean “why she would want to do that I have no idea?” in reference to reading her passed baby’s name in Temple with her ex? That sounds so callous. Like you’re literally going to let your petty, and baseless, jealousy make you bitter about your wife honoring her lost baby? I have no words to accurately describe that…pretty despicable to say the least.

9. I do think it’s weird that she wanted to remind him after all of those years. My grandmother, who regrets leaving her first spouse finds any reason to keep in touch bc she’s lonely and regrets her decisions. It’s pretty sad.

10. They lost a baby together. I don’t…if they’re not doing anything is it hard to realise they may want to just remember that baby together? I don’t see that as an issue

11. You can feel whatever feelings you have, but I can’t imagine choosing this hill to die on after twenty years together. I think “I’m jealous that you still take time annually to remember your dead child with that child’s father” is firmly in “thoughts we keep in our own head and do not inflict on the grieving person” territory.

    Seeing someone’s Instagram posts is hardly some kind of transgressive intimacy that threatens a healthy marriage. If your marriage is fragile enough that this is a real issue, work on the marriage, not the Instagram friend list.

12. It’s really not that deep

13. It sounds innocent enough. I personally wouldn’t be jealous

14. I have been married to my wife for 51yrs and my ex and I are friends on FB. My ex even came to my wife’s bridal shower in 1971. My ex and I don’t really communicate at all other than to wish each other a happy birthday, and I have not spoken to her or seen her in person since early 1969. I see nothing wrong with her being curious as to what his life now is like and I would not worry about it. P.S. My wife knows my ex follows us on facebook and she just laughs and says she is still jealous of the marriage and life my wife and I have had and my ex missed out on!

15. The dude making the calls, be concerned and verify it has stopped.

    The ex? Don’t be a jerk. They lost a child and it broke the marriage. You can bet they still care about one another and commiserate on their loss. But they are no longer “in love” with each other and he ain’t calling her 12 times a day.

16. I’ve been happily married for 15 years. I have a couple exes on social media. Why? Because just because we weren’t right for each other doesn’t mean they aren’t good people and I still wish them all the best. Not all relationships end in a dramatic scorched earth policy. And, let’s face it, social media follows mean next to nothing. I’ve had middle school friends that I haven’t talked to in over two decades add me on Facebook, Instagram, etc. You’re putting way too much stock in this. What’s the real source of these emotions coming from? Insecurity with yourself? Lack of trust in your marriage? Something else? Whatever it is, I hope you sort it out.