I (25 female) just left my job as an on-going social worker due to burn out and high stress levels. I was there for a year and a half and my last day was on June 19th. I know the smart thing to do was to make sure I had a back up plan but my mental health was struggling significantly and I knew I wasn’t of any benefit to my families with that headspace. I had to get out for my own sanity.
My boyfriend has a very well paid job. We have been together for 7 years and in the time that we have been together, I have never asked him for help before. I have enough money to last me about another month and am actively looking for work daily, but I fear that I’ll eventually need to ask for help which is very hard for me to do. Is it ok to ask for financial help from your partner?
7 comments
Do you love together? Not married obviously.
Be honest about the situation you’re in. But don’t just ask him for financial help, ask him how and what he would be comfortable doing in helping you out. Ask him also for job search help, ask him to help you make a plan to get back to where you want to be. (edit) so it’s not just about the money but about you needing his help in getting your feet back under you. That you value his contribution to that no matter what that contribution may be. (end edit)I feel like at 7 years together this is a reasonable ask. You may find that he absolutely wants to help you out. I really wish you the best of luck with everything
It’s better to do it sooner rather than later. If you don’t need his help yet, it might be worth having the conversation to say you *may* need it.
It’s not a position anyone wants to be in but you’ve been together 7 years and that’s a substantial amount of time.
Questions to consider:
* Do you have a rough estimate on how much you’ll need?
* Do you have intentions to pay it back?
In your case, it would certainly be okay to ask.
You’ve been together for 7 years… You’re not some fresh relationship where one person is looking for a handout within the first 6 months.
If you live together, absolutely okay to ask. You’re in this life together.
By no means in your post do you come off as a freeloader. Just going through a challenging time and could use the support… And that’s what couples do for each-other in relationships, have each-others backs.
So why didn’t you discuss this with him BEFORE quitting, saying, hey, you know how toxic my job is…if I quit and it takes a while before I can find a new one, would you possibly be able to help me get by? If he said yes, you could have quit with more confidence. If he said no, you would have known to push through and not quit until you had something else lined up–like most people have to do. It’s just not a good idea to quit a job without having back-up, no matter how bad the situation because being homeless and bankrupt will be even more toxic to your mental health. That said, 7 years together isn’t a new, delicate relationship. A 7-year partner should’ve noticed the mental toll the job was taking and be willing to help out, unless you have a habit of making impulsive decisions. Otherwise, I cannot see any reason wrong with asking for help or that he wouldn’t help you if he has the means.
Ask him! It is ok
I don’t understand. 7 years in a relationship with someone sleeping with him etc but being afraid to ask for support when most needed? Girl don’t be shy ask! And if he refuses just know that he made you lose 7 years of your life. Also to me he should have offered himself and not wait for you to beg him knowing the very much reason you left your job