Men of Reddit, how long do you wait to tell a women that you have a child/children with a previous ex?

38 comments

1. 9 months into the relationship is a bit long.
   I’d wait 9 minutes to tell her, if I’m serious about the relationship. And if I’m not serious I’d still tell her.

2. Probably third or fourth date.

3. Fuck that guy. Why not say something right away?

4. Sounds like you were just some side piece for him. I would tell pretty much in the first few minutes.

5. Doing something with/for my kids is almost an ice breaker. No reason not to be upfront about it.

6. Pretty quickly. My spawn represents a significant part of my life, so it’s not like it won’t come up naturally within a week or two anyhow

7. Haven’t been in such a situation, but I’d think it’d be something talked about in the first date or even during the talking/texting phase before a first date.

   That’s a pretty significant piece of information.

8. First date.

9. I don’t but I feel like that should be a first date thing to mention (if not sooner)

10. Depends on how you met – if it’s a dating app she should know before you meet, if more organically than before the second date at the very latest.

11. If this was the case, it would be mentioned before the first date. Not going to a waste someone’s time if that’s not something they are looking for.

12. I’ve only been in that situation once and I told her about my boy within the first 1/2 hour of talking to her.

13. That’s prior to the first date information, or at minimum in the first half hour “Tell me about yourself” part of the first date.

    There will be people who don’t date you because you have kids, yes. But there’s people who would have dated you with kids had they known about them up front who will walk out on the first date if you wait until midway through it then to mention them.

    9 months is where you don’t even say anything, you just get up, walk out, and don’t look back.

14. I always tell them we are a package deal.
    Up front the first meet.

15. I don’t have any, but I’d want to know (and would mention it) within like, the first 15 minutes. That’s a pretty important detail, and pretty important to who he is as a person.

16. I wait until she proves that she is worth considering for a serious relationship. If I’m not actually taking her serious, there’s no reason to tell her.

17. Bout 30 seconds into meeting her. That’s pertinent info

18. Well it’s on my dating profiles and I do bring it up in initial conversation.

19. I have no kids, but men who have kids should be disclosing that waaaaay upfront. Guys who hide that are shitheads

20. That’s a first date conversation. Hell I’d probably mention before that.

21. It was on my damn profile. The last thing I want is to get with someone just to find out that they’re one of those child-free cultists (not the people that simply don’t want kids, the nut jobs who borderline or full over cross into hating children). It’s a non-negotiable, so just easier to put it out up front.

22. Sometime on the first date.

23. My lady friend actually found out about an hour after we met. I told her I had to go fetch my kid and she was on me like stink on shit. She met my kid thirty minutes later and now she’s a devoted stepmother.

24. got told right away after i became a yes.

25. After we’ve met, usually right away. Well, before I even ask them out.

26. Not that long, that’s for damned sure. Makes you wonder what else is on the hidden potential deal-breaker list.

27. First date.

28. There’s this window for about 20 minutes after you sleep with someone where you can tell them basically anything and they’re good with it… so I usually tell them stuff like that after we sleep together the 2nd time.
    “Oh hey btw I have this toenail fungus disease and rancid flatulence. Goodnight.” Zzzzz

29. 9 months ? Geezzz.. I mentioned it in the first conversation..

30. Wait? That is told IMMEDIATELY.

31. That’s a first date thing, can be a deal breaker

32. When did you first ask him whether he had kids? Serious question.

33. I think it would be just about the first thing I would talk about. I have barely other interesting things of my own to talk about and I’m a nerd. If she rejected me over it, she wasn’t what I was looking for in the first place. If she responded positively, it would be a signal that there might be more. I wouldn’t look for a “baby mama” or some other weird idea, just someone who’s capable of reaching a bit further for a hug, to put it that way.

34. *”Men of Reddit, how long do you wait to tell a women that you have a child/children with a previous ex?”*

    Next Friday.

    *”So technically I dated a guy who waited 9 months of our relationship to tell me that he has an 8 year old child. I had no idea the whole time….”*

    So you’re trying to figure out if this is a common practice with all or most men?

    No.

    No it’s not.

35. Withholding info is a pretty big red flag.

36. He probably was ghosted by a few women after they found out about child

37. ASAP. I wouldn’t date a single mother, so I would hope that if my date has a kid they would let me know before we meet.

38. My, now wife, told me on our first date.