Hi all,
So I love my wife. I really do but I’ve been growing a bit angry and resentful towards her. She always seems to have stuff going on which is fine and normal. We have 4 kids and we get tired and that’s understandable but aside from that it’s either stuff on her phone and personal stuff and whatever else she has going on. I understand people are people and we struggle with things. I want to spend adult time with her, flirt with her over text, in person but she makes 0 effort. I have made lots of effort. Less lately because I’m giving up but it usually turns into an argument and I end up apologizing. I am 42, she’s 34. I feel like my needs are at the bottom of her list. I do all the cooking, most of the cleaning, I’m up with the kids every single day, I do or help with bedtime every night, do laundry etc. so it’s not like she has to do everything herself. She has been on meds for depression the 12 years I’ve known her. So if it’s depression it’s ONLY seeming to affect our time together and nothing else. I’m at a loss and I do not know what to do now. I’m really craving adult time and intimacy. I’ve always been that kind of person who craves that with his partner.
3 comments
How much effort do you put in for intimacy that won’t end or not the end goal of sex?
Because from personal experience, nothing is more unattractive and putting off than a partner who only views sex or sexual activities as intimacy.
How would you characterize the entire relationship? Her attitude towards you? Is she indifferent or just not tuned into your wavelength?
I’ve been married a long time and our relationship is solid. We are still very sexually committed. But I do find myself having a similar conversation with her from time to time.
I’m not ignorant. She has an big job, my kids can use help with their kids, she wants to dote on the grandchildren, she’s navigating some health stuff and her family is causing her stress right now. (Actually quite a lot on her plate as I write this…). All of this means attention to the phone, mind elsewhere, not present. We talk about it she gets it. She sincerely tries, and in her mind she IS always thinking about me. But it is not always in the way I’d prefer it. I also know I’m needy and she’s a big girl dealing with big girl stuff.
From being on this sub we are not alone. I also believe that in many cases our wives are truly stretched to the limit and just feel we are being taken care of. I do know this for a fact. When I get into a rhythm where I’m in moral support mode and not yapping about feeling marginalized, I tend to get more of the attention I crave. Women are complex and have a lot going on. Communicate, but try not to badger.
How old are your kids?