I (f22) have been dating my gf (f22) for over 3 years- all through college and now summer of post grad. She’s my everything, and not jus my gf but also my best friend and I’m absolutely in love with her, the problem is the relationship has some issues and I just feel like I could be happier- but I don’t want to lose her and I’m not feeling ready to end it. The issues boil down to dissatisfaction in the sexual department, emotionally misunderstood and not being loved in my love language. There’s no lack of love between us and I know that we would both go our entire lives together but we would both be compromising on utmost happiness- and I feel like that isn’t fair to either of us. I need some wise person on Reddit to help me see clearly- do I walk away heartbroken in the hopes to eventually find someone who satisfies all those needs or do I stay and work through it and hope the situation improves?
TLDR; me and my gf could probably both be happier but our love for eachother is the strongest I’ve ever felt for anyone. Do I breakup and focus on myself or keep trying to work thru the issues
9 comments
Bite the bullet and break it off. No use sticking around if you’re not getting what you need. It’s gonna sting like a bee, but you can’t force a square peg into a round hole. Go find your round peg. The right person will match your love language and you won’t have to settle. So, quit the compromise and put yourself first. You’re not doing anyone any favors by staying stuck in an unfulfilling situation. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but you gotta do it for your own good.
This actually happened to me. I was in a relationship with someone faithful, that truly accepted me for who I was and was my best friend at the time. But like you, the sex life wasn’t fufilling, I wasn’t loved with my love language and with time we became more friends than lovers. We also had others problems, every single one was little and we were capable of solving them easily but nothing was changing. So we broke up. I remember when I broke up, I told a friend that he wasn’t romantic and this led me to not feel like our relationship was romantic and instead was just a friendship, she said her husband wasn’t romantic and she didn’t care much about it.
Now it is almost five years later. It was not until last year that was able to get in a relationship, because most guys just wanted to have fun and not commit. Now my bf is almost everything I could have wanted and what he isn’t yet he is trying really hard to be. The same here. We put effort, we try to love each other on the language we want to be loved, we cheer each other on, he is helping and loving. I truly feel like I couldn’t do better. It took me a while to be here but I am, sometimes I’ve doubt if I even would find someone and I did. Do not let something good stopping you from finding something great, if you have doubts you should reason it in your head and take action.
And I’ve mentioned my friend to say she nows begs her husband to become more affectionate and romantic. She doesn’t have the courage to leave and I feel like she will spend all her life like this, begging for a change that won’t happen. So yeah, I’d rather take a shot
If there’s anything to be solved by talking to her, have you done that? Because nothing can change if you don’t communicate.
But the flip side of this is that you got together during a highly transitional time in your life; you’ve never been adults without each other and sometimes people grow apart, especially at this phase of your life.
Learning to manage breakups and communication during difficult times is part of navigating adulthood. Your love is very real, but it’s not the only option you’re ever going to have.
I’m sure you realize that no one out there is going to be your ideal mate, checking off every single item on your fantasy GF list. I think that if your GF has most of your deal-makers and none of your deal-breakers, you should consider yourself a pretty lucky guy, and figure out how to accept her just the way she is. OTOH if she has ANY of your deal-breakers, then IMO you should break up so you can both find more compatible partners in the future. Only you can determine whether the flaws you mention are true relationship deal-breakers for you.
If you haven’t already, you should talk to your GF honestly and openly about the things that make you unhappy. It’s possible she could make more of an effort in ways that might make a big difference, or the two of you could agree to a workable compromise.
In a good compromise, neither partner gets 100 percent of what they would ideally prefer, but both get enough to stay happy and live their best authentic lives as individuals, while also honoring their partner’s wants and needs. However, if what would make you happiest long-term would make your GF miserable, and vice versa, then you are basically incompatible. You’ll both be much happier if you look for someone who is more on your same wavelength.
Only you can figure out whether your current dissatisfactions with your partner can be resolved through honest and open relationship discussions and a willingness to look for compromise, or if they are genuine deal-breakers that will eventually sour your relationship. I wish you well, whatever you decide to do.
You can work on your self, and stay with her, why break up at all, just give your self a safe place
Have yall talked about it? If not, then you’re hoping on easy, automatic change and that’s not realistic.
You definitely don’t have to stay with your first girlfriend. It’s okay to break up and move on so you can both find the right partners for yourself.
There is no perfect all fulfilling love, or its very rare…
If you have someone you trust, and you can say the following, you are lucky:
They are a son/daughter to my parents, brother/sister to my siblings, mother to our children, and a partner you can trust – believe me, you have it all.
The rest will fall into place over time.
Don’t think there’s more to it. Social media will have you chasing a dream that doesn’t exist, I wish you the best 😁
Break up and focus on yourself