How/When did you stop making decisions based on pleasing your Mum and what she likes?

17 comments

  1. I was an incredibly stubborn child. I don’t think I ever made a decision based on pleasing my mum until I was a fully grown adult.

  2. As soon as I moved out at 16 and could go shopping on my own. I was actually close with my mom and we usually didn’t disagree, but she somehow always had stuff to say about my sense of style and clothing. I never got enough pocket money to just buy my own clothes, and she insisted on coming along everytime and I always ended up with things she would also want to wear. This started when I was a kid and got jeans overalls instead of frilly dresses and ended when I was 16, when I got hippie-print wide pants and oversized linen tops instead of the pantsuit I wanted.

  3. The moment I stopped letting her dress me, so the moment I entered primary school. I never was the type of child to blindly listen to my mom to the point I was the most reckless teenager, and well my mom always taught me to do whatever I want and owning myself so I took it to the extreme level, till to this day.

  4. I am 22 and still use my mom as a compass for many decisions I make. it’s not because I want to please her (usually), but because I trust her input on most aspects in life. her advice is usually not unprompted, and when it is, it is coming from a place of concern. and she’s usually right lol

  5. Long before reaching my teen or adult years, for sure. I’d guess sometime in early elementary school? My mother has her opinions, and I have mine. I don’t remember a time when, “I’m making this choice because my mom prefers it” was a serious consideration for me, though there were times when “I’m making this choice because I have no other option while living in my parent’s house” was a consideration.

  6. Between eleven and thirteen years old. I realized my mom had made me her emotional manager and I decided to walk away from that role.

  7. The day I was born I suppose. My mom has always preached to me and my siblings that we’re the ones who have to look at ourselves in the mirror and live with our decisions. She’d give us her opinion on it or advice but ultimately it was our decision for the most part.

  8. I genuinely do not recall a single time in my life I did that. I mean, unless it’s like her birthday or something.

  9. Going no contact was very much in stark contrast to trying to keep up with her insane volley of texts and eventually apologizing to her pity party when I was unable to answer. Rinse, repeat. Now, my life is so much more peaceful that I’m free of her.

  10. Probably as a teen? I was happy to do what my mom wanted when I was a kid because I hadn’t yet formed my own person yet and nothing I did back then to please her ever made me unhappy in the slightest.

    As a teen I started wanting to branch out and do different things, wear different clothes, etc. I think this is sort of normal, as you become an adult with more of your own personality, you pull away from your parents a bit.

  11. I still try to do it sometimes and my mom was an abusive woman who passed away 8 or so years ago

  13. As soon as I got married, I stopped making decisions with her in mind(age 20). If she wanted to see me and especially since I had to provide transportation, it eould be on my terms. My MIL, being a very kind person, included biomom in all holidays at their house. There were a few times, before I completely cut biomom off, that I would say that my husband was working and my truck wasn’t availabke thus transportation wasn’t possible just because I wanted to enjoy that holiday without “babysitting” her. About the time my first grandcgild was born, I had had enough.

  15. Just after my 15th birthday, I was offered the opportunity to begin university. Mum thought it would be best for me if I waited until I graduated school. It would give me the opportunity to “grow up” before beginning uni. I chose to start uni… and learned how right she was. Since then, I make a point to listen to her wisdom rather than automatically fight against it. Mum may not be well educated, but she knows what she’s talking about. Wisdom doesn’t require a degree.

  16. I guess I never stopped? And she’s been dead for 14 years, so……

    I knew my mother wasn’t going to live long after college. I tried to do what was best for her based on what little time I had.

    After that, my decisions are now based on my moral compass which I got from her.

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