What are you doing wrong in your current relationship? (Or your last one)

35 comments

  1. I can’t be completely sure if it was me or if this was even an issue. But my mental health problems took a toll on him.

  2. I actually wish I knew the answer to that. I’m trying to get that answer now as my relationship seems to be falling apart.

  3. I wish I had been subtler sometimes instead of going all out.cause I do tend to get irked very easily a lot of times.could’ve handled my anger in a better way

  4. I don’t initiate sex. Ever. I don’t know why, I have no good reason. I think I’m just lazy because I’m always interested, I just don’t make a move. I’m working on it.

  5. I let him walk all over me. I do everything in my power to make life easier for him but feels like I rarely get anything in return.

  7. I could’ve handled my disappointment and upset better than I did. I wish I’d had more grace overall with him.

    Now why I got upset in the first place is because he’d always withdraw whenever I needed his support or input on a tense subject or when he did something that I just didn’t think was right. (To keep the issues brief, he was unable to focus his attention on me that I often felt I was begging for scraps of it.) So there was an escalating effect from him to me. And ofc the less gracefully I handled things, the more he withdrew 🙁

    I hated that cycle so much, I couldn’t break it, not alone anyway, so I felt like I had to break our relationship. I think maybe it could have been solvable if I had better control on being upset but then idk, I feel like I would have been alone in the effort anyways.

  8. I very much created my own narrative of who he was & what the relationship was going to be. Anything that didn’t fit, I rejected or forced out of the picture.

    I hope he finds someone who truly likes him.

    Edit: (Past relationship, not current.)

  10. We are both working on better ways to address our conflicts.

    Growing up, he never saw his parents disagree over anything and they kept their conflicts strictly private. Now, whenever a partner disagrees with him about something or he deals with a conflict with a stranger, he feels tremendous anxiety. It doesn’t help that his first serious ex was verbally abusive to him. I had the opposite experience; yelling and screaming in front of almost anyone was very common in our household. I avoided doing this in my relationships, thankfully, but it took therapy to learn how to properly express myself as an adult.

    He’s working on becoming more comfortable with negative emotions. On my part, I’m working on being less intense when I express something that’s bothering me. I never try to make it personal and we never yell or name call, but I realize I can let my emotions carry me away into needless rants about a subject, which doesn’t help his anxiety or necessarily make me feel better. We understand conflict and an ocassional disagreement is very normal for nearly every couple, so we’re just trying to master our own process. I’m committed to doing better for both of us. And so is he.

  11. I don’t think I pick my battles well. I fight about nonsense but when there is a truly important topic, I tend to shy away if the conversation is not immediately picked up on positively.

  13. im making my wife sometimes a hard time by being angry about tiny things and not motivated about working on growing our family. i want to do better and activly work on it together with her

  14. Don’t make enough time to hang out, even if he’s the highlight of my week when I get to see him. I’m really trying to prioritize him and better our chillings.

  15. I was with this guy solely because he had a good personality.
    I wasn’t really attracted to him physically.
    We were together for like a year/ a year and a half.
    I felt really bad for him so I waited for him to break up with Me because I didn’t want to hurt him. It was horrible,
    I refuse to date guys I’m not physically attracted to ever since. It’s selfish

  16. We do have a good relationship and don’t have a lot of problems. If I were to ask him, he’d probably say that he wishes I would work on myself more. It’s been an extremely difficult year for me and I’ve lost a lot of motivation to try to make things better. It’s just been a year of blow after blow for me personally (not us as a couple) and I’ve grown really weary wondering if things will ever get better. I know there are things that I need to do to make things better, but there has been the thought of “well, everything’s gone wrong up to this point so what’s the point of even trying anymore?”

    It does affect my mood, and I know that affects him and us and I never want to be a disappointment or a burden. I’ve just been wondering where do you find hope after you’ve lost it?

  17. Worrying too much that he had a hidden agenda. Like, if I’m getting what I want out of the situation, then great. If/when he fucks up, that’s *his fault*, and I can express my discontent or leave. SMH.

  18. In my previous relationship, I took on too much responsibility without asking for help.

  19. my last relationship, i didn’t put enough effort into myself. everything was always about “US” which was really about him

  20. Not communicating effectively, and not communicating my feelings.

    I put up with way too much shit in the past that made me super resentful later on, and I’m still working on undoing that.

  21. I was chasing him thinking he loved me. I think all he really loved was the chase. Don’t chase after someone who isn’t giving you the time of day. I’ve realized I’m so important and I’ll find someone who makes me feel that way in my own time.

  23. I didn’t communicate well enough at the beginning and it was impossible to recover and I gave up. I also didn’t stand up to his mother enough and didn’t do a good job setting boundaries

  24. I’m no good at initiating anything. I have endless love for my partner, yet I still haven’t got the confidence to give spontaneous affection or compliments or anything of the sort. It’s almost like I have fear or anxiety around it, I don’t know. I’ve been trying to work on it but seem to have hit a dead end. I guess I’ve been trying to make up for it with with excessive acts of service, however I don’t think he recognises that as a type of ‘love language’.

  25. Took too long to set boundaries. The guy was obviously not into me and just looking to string me along. Wish I had better choice in men

  26. I have no idea. Honestly I think what I did wrong was trying to date someone that didn’t know what they wanted

  27. Past relationship: didn’t know my own value

    Current relationship: I need to really focus on getting medicated for my ADHD so my husband isn’t stuck constantly reminding me that I’ve left things half completed.

  28. I got a little too clingy cause he was the first person to make me remember what being in love felt like, at least after my first major heart break.

  30. Shutting down when I’m mad instead of communicating. Not the best strategy in any type of relationship

  32. My last relationship of close to ten years was incredibly toxic and took a huge toll on my mental health. Unfortunately all of my insecurities and anxiety is suffocating me in my newer relationship. I am always fearful I’m not good enough or he’ll always be searching for someone better. I’ve become consumed by a constant need of reassurance and attention, it’s not healthy for either of us. I do think my significant other could do a few things differently to ease the anxiety with small gestures he use to do (communication during the day when we are apart, putting his phone down when we’re together etc.) but overall I think my expectations are a probably too extreme.

  34. Had 0 boundaries. Let her say and do whatever she wanted and still ended up being the one to apologize

  35. It takes me too long to raise issues or concerns, which mean they become bigger than they need to be.

    I’m working on it.

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