(MEN ONLY) How do do you guys feel about dating a woman who has a kid already?

19 comments

1. sorry i am a woman, but have you considered if the kid’s dad walked out on them, is the dad still in the picture? sometimes couples dont work out or they didnt have money for an abortion, tried to make it work and it didnt.

   i’ve seen plenty of men step into a child’s life and raised them as their own. whats there to be embarrassed about, if u are being a positive role model/father figure for the child they will grow to love and appreciate u as their father.

2. I don’t date women with kids, and I don’t care about the men who do.

3. Almost always these single moms push the responsibility onto another man to raise (aka pay for) the kid or kids but never let the man have the authority to set boundaries and discipline.

   Structural that sets up the relationship to fail.

   Men that swoop in to save these single moms are seen as desperate doormats.

4. Embarrassing? Not at all. Stepping up, providing a good example and kind mentor is something all people should aspire to. Doubly so if that is for a child. Here’s an example, why do you think it is that you look down on men in this situation? Do you feel as if it is somehow denying the person’s masculinity? Try to think about why exactly this behavior causes you to feel this way and understand that while your personal feelings are valid, this is perfectly normal and nothing to pity.

   All that being said, I personally do not want children, and that is a point I bring up with any prospective relationship. If my possible partner has a child, they are no longer available as a romantic partner in my mind. Nothing against them or their child personally, just not my jam.

   Since you added your age, I will say I am a 32M and can say from experience, if you continue to feel similarly (that children from previous relationships bother you) you will have a much more difficult time dating moving forward.

5. 33M. I would date a women with a child if everything else lined up. I want to be a father and would want to have one of my own some day as well. I accept that things happen in life and I don’t think having a child from a previous relation is a life long scorn on that woman (or man).

6. (32M) I actively avoid people with kids. It’s expensive and I’m broke.

7. I’d consider it if I really liked the woman and the arrangement would be beneficial for everyone involved. It’s a complex decision.

8. Nope. Dating a single mother guarantees that you will never be anything close to number 1 in your girlfriends life. I have also seen and experienced single mothers being essentially predatory, either subconsciously or consciously.

9. Personally i think it’s embarrassing to have the viewpoint of “raising another man’s kids is embarrassing” because if you’re a good guy you’re contributing positively to somebody’s life.

   grow up lol

10. Given the potential drawbacks of dating someone with kids and due to me being uncertain of I want any, I’d have to say dating a women with a kid or, kids is a no go

11. It is horrible for both the men and the children in this situation.

    1. Woman will never make the new man her #1. So he never has a chance to build a real relationship with her.

    2. The child will either feel alienated by the invasion of the new man or sometimes form a deep bond with him and then be heartbroken when his mom dumps him.

    3. The “blended families are happy” nonsense is too rare to be worth the risk.

12. Absolute no-go for me. I had casual sex with some mothers, but i’d never consider a relationship with one. Kids are low priority, or no priority even, for me. If they are in my future, they have to be my own. Anything else is not even close to being worth it.

13. Wouldnt consider it embarrassing, sometimes relationships just don’t last as long as we want them to, there’s no shame to be had in being a single parent.

    Thought that said, I’m also of the mind not to get involved with someone who does have a kid, but for much more natural reasons than embarrassment

14. It’s not something I would advise any guy to do except maybe single dads (or guys who are infertile but still want to raise kids).

    At least then the woman is putting as much effort into raising your kids as well as you hers. Or she should be at any rate.

    Even then it’s a red flag for any circumstance besides being a widow these days.

15. Wouldn’t be a big deal if the man is 50+ and well established financially. But if you’re under 40, have other options, and aren’t extremely well off… it’s a stupid decision.

16. It is, objectively, the biggest evolutionary L you can take. Children cost several hundred thousand dollars to raise and no matter what she says, if you’re her new man you WILL be footing that bill.

    But, on the other hand, it’s one of the few things that can force a woman to settle for less than a top 5% guy in order to get that commitment, so 🤷🏻‍♀️ what’s it worth to ya? When you’re staring into the abyss of 40 and still haven’t been picked by anyone you start rationalizing all kinds of shit that was unthinkable in your 20s.

17. GTFO here.

    Why would you want HER babydaddy drama on YOU?

    Recipe for disaster bro. Time to bounce.

18. I’ll (62M) be the contrarian. Break the question down and analyze it. First, what does being a single mother say about the mother? And how should we feel about her children?

    The reason a man should consider the sexual history of a woman is that he wants to ensure he invests his years and resources into a mate that is faithful, and a woman’s past behavior is the best indicator of her future behavior.

    So when considering a single mother, you must look at how she got there. E.g., a 30 year-old woman whose husband left her for another woman has not manifested behavior that should worry a future suitor, whether or not she has a child. In fact she may have established a solid track record of being a good marriage partner and mother, a proven good wife who mistakenly married a shit.

    However a woman that would abandon her child for you will abandon anyone including you.

    A 22 year-old woman that has four children by four different fathers has not demonstrated the judgment or self-discipline required for fidelity.

    I was the youngest of five children. My late mother became a single mother when my father walked out on her when I was three years old. My mother was faithful to my father but she had an anger management problem that emerged under the pressure of five children and my father’s business going bankrupt. I loved my late mother dearly, but any potential suitor would want to know about her potential for occasional mortal rage that led to her being a single mother.

    Consider the children themselves. Children are not a commodity; they are individual humans with their own personalities. I love having my nieces and nephews in my home even though they are not my descendants. If a single mother has a lovable child, why wouldn’t you want to be with them? That said, not all children are equally lovable.

    You asked, “How do do you guys feel about dating a woman who has a kid already?” The answer is, “it depends on the woman, the child, and how they came to be where they are.” I think it’s foolish and vain to dismiss a woman from consideration for commitment solely because she has a child, but it certainly gives a man some things to consider.

19. It would have to be a near perfect scenario for me to consider it. I love and want kids of my own, but being a stepfather is a whole different undertaking. The mother and I would have to have a rock solid loving relationship and the ex would need to be either no longer in the picture or just in contact strictly over the kid(s).