I (40F) had a first date planned last night. Guy I was supposed to meet chose the venue and time – just meeting for drinks, nothing out of the ordinary. We’ve swapped pics back and forth and messaged each other for over week so no catfishing involved – at least from my perspective. Checked in with him in the morning to check we were still on. I turned up 10 mins early and messaged him to say I had arrived. I grabbed a drink from the bar, found a table and waited.
And waited…
20 minutes after our agreed time I messaged him to check he’s ok. Nothing… no response. 30 minutes I call him. Again no answer. I tried again 5 minutes later with still no response so at least I can say I tried. Fed up, I leave 45 minutes after our agreed time. I felt humiliated as people were staring as I walked out the bar. Got home and checked for any messages. He’s read it but not responded.
It’s not the first time I’ve been stood up, and it’s shitty behaviour but I wonder what makes you stand up your date?
26 comments
First of I’m really sorry that happen to you. I been stood up before and its not fun at all. Honestly there is no good reason why people do it. Especially for a first date he could of said he was not feeling it. Instead of wasting your time and gas. You will find someone better. You did nothing wrong
A serial time-waster I’m sad to say.
Probably just got off on the chats and pics.
Im so sorry to read this, you deserve so much more.
As a fellow 1983 vintage, we are like fine wine and not a cheap house plonk.
Sip with good company and food. Finish with a warm feeling and the wish for more.
Sorry, other metaphors are available my friend but just hoping to give you a smile on a Sunday evening.
Stay strong 💪 and let us know how you get along.
Ugh. What a jerk. Don’t try to rationalize an irrational person’s behavior. Just be thankful he revealed his true colors immediately and didn’t waste even more of your time. I hope you at least enjoyed the drink! Hoping you have better days ahead.
He left u on read and stood u up. Personally, time to block his dumb arse. It’s not worth getting stood up especially if they seemed up for it before
Sounds like the garbage has been taking itself out. It sucks in the moment but feels great later. I’ve been stood up and cancelled on last minute (separate instances). Both contacted me weeks or months later with “hey, remember me” and I responded with, “yes I do, you’re the one that didn’t have the courtesy to message me” then I blocked them.
I heard about a new “trend”? lately where people show up to the date but if they don’t like the way you look, they just leave. I forget what they were calling it. Absolutely disgusting. People these days are so selfish.
Sorry you had that experience, OP! Hopefully the next frog will be your prince.
Not a clue tbh
Was there consistent communication before the date? Did he confirm the date the day before or day of? That’s so weird. I don’t think it’s ever happened to me.
Hope it never happens again, but if it does, leave after 15-20 minutes of no show/no response. If they can’t give you the respect to be on time or at least say why they are late, they are not worth your time. Leave and go enjoy your evening somewhere else alone or with friends.
Dude’s married. Duh.
⬆️44/F – I had one do that too, but mine’s a smidge different.
Invited him to breakfast. I was walking into the restaurant to get a seat. He texted, “what are you wearing” so I told him. Funny thing is, when I was on my way in, I saw him in his car, and he saw me. I walked in and got seated. Ordered a coffee and waited. He never came in. I sent him this “🖕 Thanks for wasting my time.” People play too much.
Maybe he saw you first before you had the chance to notice and he scarpered off
When I lived in Vegas I’d get stood up at least 50% of the time even when the girl picked the time and location. And half the times they did show up they’d be drunk, and I quit drinking in 2011. I got stood up so many times, I wrote a book about it. It’s not you, it’s them.
I don’t. There’s really no excuse for just messaging someone and saying if something has come up or you just changed your mind.
I can assure none was watching you getting out of the bar.
That’s in your head
I’m dealing with time-wasting women who are in denial about being pen pals. And here you are, willing to actually meet a guy IRL. And you get stood up, smh.
Getting ghosted is normal now, although I still don’t know why. It seems like a very shitting thing to do, but everyone does it. I guess it’s easy to be a dickhead when no one can call you out for it cuz it’s all online
I am sorry this happens to you. If you happen to be a BBW, not sure if you are, then he might be shallow and if you only sent him face pics he could’ve been unprepared and not attracted to you.
But that’s playing devils advocate and at the end of the day, a real adult (regardless of gender) would have shown up on time, at least spoken to you, and if there’s not attraction, been honest with you.
I’m very confused as to why you think people were staring as you left the bar? People go out solo all the time.
There’s lots of assholes out there. Don’t dwell on it. OLD is going to throw you plenty of ghosters, abusers, and oldfishers/catfishers.
The only other reason ligit that I would stand up a date is if I was for sure getting by laid. But even then there’d have to be soooo much context and stuff going on behind the scene for that to happen. Idk about everyone else, but I can’t try to date multiple people at once. I can’t share my energy like that. If I’m trying to connect with a person, that person is either getting 100% or I’m not even looking.
Even as a 29M I would never do that to a woman. Unless I literally actually forgot, then I would be communicative.
I would just move on from him.
Don’t take it personally
It’s very rude behavior.
I had someone not show up to a coffee date recently. I am actually sort of glad the plan was to meet at a coffee place because I would have been embarrassed if it was at a restaurant or something like that, where there is a waiter involved knowing someone else didn’t show up. I guess I could just grab my coffee and look at stuff on the phone… But I guess from now on, I probably won’t wait more than 20 minutes if they don’t give me a heads up they are running late. Oh, and I did report him to the app and they removed him per their report…
Something similar happened to me. It was this guy in my gym and we were snapchatting (including video) and texting. But none of us ever asked “you wanna hang?”. So one day I did and he left me on read. I laughed about it with my sister and we just continued to go about the mall.
It’s stupid, and considering you were already at the venue, I can understand why you felt hurt. He’s a loser and I guess he just wants to have a relationship over text. You’ll find someone 🫶
Anxiety, is the number one answer.
This has happened to me every single time I’ve asked a girl out. It seriously is depressing.
Good evening gorgeous and I’m sorry to hear that and how are you doing