One of the most heartbreaking aspects of broken relationships, in my opinion, is recognizing that you two could have made it work if they had been truly in love with you, just as much as you were with them, and would have battled for you instead of acting like asshats.
They didn’t, though, did they? Nothing they said or did matched what they said.
Unfortunately, this just indicates that you loved them more than they loved you. Let’s cross that bridge and move on.
We’ve all been through with this.
That’s why I am here in reddit.
24 comments
A lot of questions that come up here should be asked to their partner, not us lol
You are right, but as a man I actually suggest on my dating profile that I and my potential partner need to work at the relationship, frequently like weekly. that normally frankly goes down like a lead balloon with women. Maybe they think controlling or boring but actually what I am trying to do is get used to talking like adults and not drift and then if we do have problems we just deal with them because like you maybe things could have worked had we done this in the past.
Good luck with that one…
The more communication technology we have, the less we seem to talk.
it’s useless waste of time to be fair. I’ve sat down and talked before and told all the things that concern me, multiple times, nothing changed. maybe people don’t understand it if you don’t word it as an ultimatum? basically I agree with you but it only works if both want to make it work
Words of wisdom
Haven’t found such a girl yet, but I’m hopeful
An inability to interface with conflict resolution is THE biggest red flag men and women should look for when judging a prospective long term partner. It never ends well when one or both parties are emotionally and socially stunted like that.
An inability to interface with conflict resolution is THE biggest red flag men and women should look for when judging a prospective long term partner. It never ends well when one or both parties are emotionally and socially stunted like that.
Goddamn RIGHT, OP!!!
Nope, not at all.
You can talk all you want and communicate using analogies, examples and what not to make the person understand. But none of them will work if they cannot/are not willing to understand what you are communicating.
It may be pain that a person is trying to communicate, or a situation or a constriction in their life that is making the relationship not possible in *the person’s perspective*. If it does not make sense to the other person, no amount of communication will be enough.
You might already have tried enough but to no avail. And after a few rounds of failed attempts to let the person know how you feel inside you from their behaviour or attributes, or from your own situation, you will let go.
“You” here is the other person who has let go and ceased their efforts.
This is a valid situation in everyone’s life. And everyone will keep switching places as the one who kept trying, and the one who let go.
It’s not one vs. the other, it’s *both* vs. the problem. I wish that would have sunk in a long time ago.
I disagree with this. Loved her just as much or more. But was immature, was my first relationship, buncha other life bullshit. Was too hard to overcome. Especially considering I had been emotionally distant because of the “other life bullshit”.
I didn’t recognize that I could speak to my partner.
Having something that’s keeping you from healthy communication doesn’t mean you don’t love someone. Sometimes it might be even harder the more you love someone.
i cannot stress this enough, the ability to handle confrontation is key in being a man. Idk about women tho
I highly second this post.
People refuse to talk. I rather than Us is one of the causes of marital discord. To alleviate this, why not marry with both heart and mind rather than with just heart’s love ?
I know your pain. I’ve been the ass-hat, and I’ve grown and became the one hurt by an ass-hat. I’m sorry you’re frustrated.
Your message of “let’s talk about this” is definitely the right way to go about relationships. However, weren’t you doing the same thing by not initiating the conversation?
How do you love them more than they love you when you never initiated the conversation either? It just sounds entitled tbh
Sometimes talking it out doesn’t solve anything, sometimes giving each other space works just as well
True, but you must be willing to listen and understand. You don’t always have to agree, but you must at least understand. Find out where their head is at, not what you think the issue is, what they do. Then come to a compromise.
Talking is useless if you refuse to listen.
I totally agree. Last year, I dealt with that. My fiancé at the time suggested that we split up because she works away from home as a flight attendant. This seemingly came out of nowhere. We hadn’t discussed it before at all, and i had actually just bought her a car to use to commute to and from the airport to make it easier on her. It took a few days for me to contemplate, but I eventually reluctantly agreed that I’d like to have someone (preferably her) to spend time with daily, and so we split up. Turns out, she was living her best life, hooking up with a number of guys, possibly a few women, as well, all while living the wild lifestyle of a flight attendant. She just wanted the freedom to fuck whoever she wished, but didn’t have the courage to just tell me that. I loved her dearly, and it hurt so bad, but fortunately, I’m doing better now.
Agree with this. My girlfriend communicates well. It makes me feel like she wants to make things work between us no matter what. It makes me feel safe.
I’m currently in a relationship like this.
We were engaged… Not anymore… But he was willing to go to couples counseling to see if we could make things work.
Currently, he wants to leave all our relationship “issues” with the counselor.. Which is hard for me because I like to sit down (right away) and have a conversation about our feelings… take some time to understand the other person’s perspective.. And find solutions…
He, on the other hand, avoids conversations like that.. Which our counselor said we are going to work on that…
In the meantime, I have to stay quiet.. Because when I ask questions about his feelings or try to vocalize my feelings, he thinks I “gaslight” him and “belittle” him… When all I want is communication and honesty. A lot of the time… he says things are in my head, even though I end up being right.
Or my feelings are often invalid to him (this is how I feel). I vocalized this with our counselor.. So we’ll see.
Sometimes I love him… Other times I can’t help but ask myself, “what are you doooiiinngg??!!”
I guess I’ll see if counseling works…
What you just said makes dating a lot easier. But people never see these. A date with the right person will be simple and easy. A date with the wrong person will be hard and complicated. Keep in mind some people it takes longer for you to understand them. That doesn’t make it hard just slowly and steady.