My bf and I have been together for 2 years. We have amazing sex, but always have to use lube. This wasn’t a problem and he was okay with it because he assumed I just don’t lubricate enough. The problem though is that he doesnt know that I get extremely wet only when I watch porn. I never watch porn though, maybe like 3 times a year. Anyway, today he found out I watched porn because I sent him a video of my vagina very wet, and I confessed that it was because I saw porn. He was extremely confused on how I can get so wet from porn but not from him. I kept trying to reassure him but he feels super betrayed and like he can’t get me wet. I cried so much and I feel like this is going to ruin our relationship. He is so hurt and idk what to do. I really don’t think there’s anyway I can get that wet during sex. I cannot incorporate what I watch into our sex life because he is into passionate sex and I’m into rough sex (like crazy stuff). I’m satisfied with our sex life and we have done rough things but it doesn’t turn me on like when I watch porn. I think im a visual person and maybe that’s why i get so wet when i watch. Please if you guys have any advice help. I’m so sad I feel so helpless and scared like he’s going to leave me or like our relationship is doomed..
P.s. I do not want to incorporate porn into our sex because I don’t want to rely on that.
46 comments
He needs to get the fuck over it. You don’t normally lubricate like that; okay. It’s how your body works.
Hopefully your bf calms down. Your body does what it does. Is there anything you and your bf could do to make sex more visual? Maybe that might have a similar effect as porn? I used to date a girl who was super turned on by visual things (but not into porn). We’d fool around in font of mirrors or watch videos of ourselves having sex (I guess that’s kind of porn).
I get extremely turned on but I don’t get really that wet either. Probably from my medication. I think of it like with men, they get boners without being turned on. They get no boners even if they’re turned on, it’s a uncontrollable thing that happens or it doesn’t.
Coconut oil. And tell em to stfu.
Time to sit down and have a very open conversation about why he reached the way he did, how it affected you and made you feel an immense amount of shame and guilt about something you don’t have direct control over. And that will DEFINITELY not be helping you to relax during sex with him because you will be worried you’re not wet enough to appease him….
Then you need to workshop solutions together. Mirrors? Kinkier sex a bit more often? Maybe try retraining yourself to go with less porn or different types of porn (only if your comfortable). This can be an opportunity to take sex to the next level, but he has to put his insecurity aside first. If he can’t do that, I’m afraid it will be difficult to move forward.
Also never apologize to someone for how your body works. You don’t control that any more than they do. There is nothing wrong with you, you just get turned on by specific things… Like many people do.
His hurt stems from you not telling him the whole truth. you have to trust your partner and if you find out your other half is withholding information that trust is eroded leaving him lost at sea.
After 5 births some of them with complications my wife does not wet as easily/reliably as she used to. no problem we use coconut oil, proper communication leads to resolution.
Are you interested in rougher sex in reality or is it just a fantasy? at least 50% of sex is mental, if your not getting your buttons properly pushed neither of you are getting the full experience you deserve. he may (or may not) be willing to engage in these things with you, but you wont know until you talk with each other. He may be “into passionate sex” because that is all you have left on the table for him.
Share your fantasies with him, incorporate whats practical. if you two have not been communicating I bet he has more under the hood also. life is too damn short for mediocre sex.
just watch porn before doing it with him, touch yourself etc so you can tell him you got all wet because of him. its a lie but for a good cause.
You can just watch porn with your partner ive done that before and its a good way to get things going. This seems like the easiest solution
So you can lubricate naturally you’re just not aroused by the sex you’re having.
Sex is so mental, your rough sex kink not only needs to be incorporated but the visual voyeurism could benefit from having rough sex in the mirror, or recording yourselves having rough sex and running that back.
Question does he enjoy giving you rough sex or is it hard for him, like he’s not that guy?
Might have mismatched sexual desire.
Also he can get over it but you lie at first so he can be upset! Work past it.
Porn is ruining people, they just don’t realize it.
My fwb doesn’t care how I get wet, just that I do and he makes sure to help me get ready for him to slide in
Why didn’t you tell him the truth when the issue first arose? And why isn’t telling him the truth the first option now?
I bet some answers would be different if the roles would be switched. He wouldn’t get hard while having sex with her, but would really get hard watching porn.
Sometimes this sub is so hypocritical
So you lied to your boyfriend? He got upset and you don’t think the solution is to sit down and be honest? Why not lie more? It went great the first time
Role play and situation should help you
Why, why would you have told him that … 😮💨😮💨😮💨
Honestly, I would have been upset as well.
Lube, plain and simple. My wife is a breast cancer survivor and is taking maintenance medication that she doesn’t get as wet as she used to. You may want to look into Foria Awaken & Arousal with CBD, and they have lubricating oils as well. A little expensive, but so worth it. We also use WET! Platinum silicone-based lube and it is exceptional. Just don’t spill any on the bedsheets, because it tends to stain a little.
Lots and lots of oral always left my gf’s very wet
The things that get anyone super excited eventually become predictable and routine and stop evoking the same type of response. That’s normal. A healthy sexual dynamic evolves and you evolve together. It means being willing to be vulnerable and honest and exploring new things that are exciting and maybe push your boundaries a bit.
During the first years of our sexual escapades my wife and I would often have to incorporate lube when we had sex. Our sex was pretty standard, the usual positions, etc, etc, but always required extra lube in some regard. Fast forward to the present (17 years married) and I can’t remember the last time we bought a bottle of lubricant for that purpose. The key, as always, is communication! I cannot stress this enough. You’re partners. Communicate! Incorporate foreplay. Discuss your fantasies. Incorporate toys. Act on mutually agreeable fantasies. You have an entire world of exploration between the two of you, so take advantage and enjoy one another. 17 years on and my wife is still teaching me to open up and be more adventurous and it’s been amazing so far. I haven’t enjoyed everything we’ve tried, but I’ve had fun experiencing it with her, and that’s what matters in the end.
So you told him…. After a long time of not telling him…. Why? Is there something else you’re trying to ask/tell him? Are you trying to ask for the type of sex you want by punishing him with the knowledge that what you do already isn’t what really gets you going? If so it’s better to say that directly “I feel like my needs are ignored in bed and I want to have more sex like this, could we try a scene like this some time?” And if he doesn’t listen then you can try again or accept that this is what your future looks like with him and then decide if you want it or not.
“he is into passionate sex and I’m into rough sex (like crazy stuff)”.
You don’t need to incorporate porn into your sex life with your bf. You need to incorporate rough sex.
Watch the porn that turns you on WITH him. Let him be a part of it. He won’t feel left out and will think of ways of incorporating your kinks into your sex life with him. You both win.
Either find a path to sex you want and enjoy with your partner or find a path to a partner who will have that sex with you.
Why on earth would you send him that photo and tell him that? That was like rubbing it in his face that he can’t do that for you. I’d be more concerned about your actions and motivations in sending that photo than about what it takes to get you wet. Those are the actions that are damaging your relationship now. Not so much the fact that you don’t get wet during sex. Communication is important, but so is HOW you choose to communicate. You chose to do it in a very hurtful way.
why can’t to watch what you like together. you sound perfect to me
Use lube.
I would dip from this relationship in his shoes
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. What did you THINK would happen when you made the big reveal?
Tell him make it wet , 👅 it play with it
Why dont use a mirror? In front or above you and u can watch..
Why would you send him that? That’s like a guy having a smaller dick and you sending him a vid of a huge dildo in your vag and say how good it feel. You had to have known that would make him feel terrible. You rubbed his insecurity in his face. I would be upset too.
How would you feel if he couldn’t get hard but then sent you a dick pic hard when watching porn?Probably inadequate and like shit. He isn’t upset that you don’t get wet, he is upset you were an asshole and rubbed his face in it.
Just watch porn with him
Disregarding other context, as a man, if my partner only got wet from porn, I’d take it that I don’t satisfy her/turn her on. I’m sure there is more too it than that but just letting you know how that could feel coming from a man. I’m not saying you want to hurt him but likely those words did
Its obvious you dont find sex with him arousing.
Here’s what you can do:
1. Add more foreplay because you need to be aroused for sex to be enjoyable.
2. Get a toy that stimulates your clitoris. Most women do not orgasm from vaginal penetration alone.
3. Find positions that allow you clitoral stimulation, I’m telling you you will feel the difference! Like a REAL orgasm.
4. Get out of your head and enjoy the moment!
5. Communicate with your boyfriend more, talk about your desires, fantasies and be open to trying new positions as long as you both are willing. Some positions are not meant for two people like they show in porn. It’s OK to laugh when something doesn’t work.
Remember have fun and enjoy your time together.
Good luck, OP! Wishing you all the best! ❤️
Maybe he isn’t kissing that pussy correctly
Find a boyfriend who makes you more wet than porn.
When you’re pleasuring yourself, you know what make you feel good too. You just know your body better and what will make you react more. It sounds like you need to communicate with your partner more about what feels good to you. Make longer foreplay important. It’s so much easier to get wet if you get stimulated before actual penis penetration.
try rough again, with a mirror this time
Lube is awesome.
He doesn’t know how to turn you on. But there are occasions, when people need lube.
This gotta be a teenage relationship. I am the same way as you, I barely get wet even with porn. I only get wet after 6 orgasms. By the 20th I’m dripping wet (when I use toys). Sometimes I feel really wet when theres touching before, always! I cant go straight into sex and start licking and stuffs (unless I give a blowjob), then I get wet.
Your boyfriend needs to understand that somethings turns us more than others. I could fuck for 30 minutes and not get as wet as if he had been literally touching me for 30 minutes. The other day I was dripping wet because someone was running their fingers through my body and slowly spreading my cheeks.
And don’t cry because of that! People in the comments are definitely lacking empathy too. That was not an asshole move. He wanted to know, you were playing with yourself. Not to mention, you can find any type of sex in porn, some of the sex you may wanna do irl, but don’t. For example, I love rough sex/ anal sex. But in real life its very hard to get the same sex, because you’re shy and may be scared to tell your partner how you feel.
And anal is very tricky too, all the cleaning up, and it is an asshole… So. Edit; when I wrote this I hadnt even read everything, and you said exactly what happens to me!!! I get turned on by porn because it shows what I would wanna do in real life, but we all know it’s different!
Although I do also get turned on by my partner, but not was wet… And theres nothing wrong with that.
🙂
You’ll never be satisfied with him, move on while you can.
Troll
If he’s not into rough sex, get him to incorporate some simple and sensual acts of domination;
Holding you down while he’s on top, pulling your hair to keep you in place or steer you towards the position he wants you in, holding your jaw more tightly while he kisses you, biting your neck, etc.
There are many ways to be rougher and kinkier that might be easier for him to incorporate than a full on completely different kind of session than he’s used to.