We’re working in a same company more than 6 years together in two different depts. We’re used to be very close and never got secrets between us since we became great friends. At the beginning, i was in a toxic relationship and it got broken up in a bad way and i was so depressed and have cried over my current bf’s shoulder so many times. It took me 3 years to move on for a new life and finally my bf asked me to start a relationship with him and he promised that he will never lemme down forever coz he have seen things that i have been through.
Now it’s about to 4 months that we’re dating and i found that he was cheated me out with his ex on her vacation and he lied me that he’s with his boys. I trusted him blindly and later on i found that his ex posting pictures on social media that she had been enjoying at the same places what my bf told me where he is.
It was literally killed me coz i never thought that he would betray me. When we started dating, he said that his ex was stubborn and not okay to leave him and the same time, he won’t continue that relationship so he will sort it out and come to me in a time manner but what i felt was, he is still having feelings on her and that’s why he couldn’t ignore her on her vacation and been with for days in a trip.
That was happened on May and she had gone back to her country. After she left, he started to compromise with his excuses and began to make me think that was not his fault and she is the one who made him to do so. But however, i was so depressed and couldn’t have guts to talk to him about his lies and faults he did.
What im doing now is, jus ignoring him indirectly and ghosting him coz im so scared to get that pain again and in another way, im still finding reasons to forgive him coz i still feel that he will be the way i want him. Coz at the beginning and still when he is with me, he is always best in the way of treating me and he always taking care about me and making efforts to spend the time with me whenever he can. He is so matured and have a good heart too. he knew that how to make me comfy and what will bring joy to me. I love the way of understanding and balancing as well.
Whenever i think about these things, all of sudden i get the feeling that the way he does. and im still struggling to make a decision and don’t know what to do with this feeling. Coz i do still love him and the same time i dont wanna be dumb.
Please advise me to take a decision coz im really done enough of thinking.
What do i do to get a break from my depression? is it okay to forgive him? or do i wanna leave this relationship? What he did was repeat annually? Can i trust him again? shall i give him another one chance?
TL;DR! – He was so good in the beginning and still he have his qualities with his way of treating but why did he betrayed me? when i trusted him so blindly and now he is trying to make me feel better than before. and im really scared that If i forgive him and give him a chance and would he do the same again. Struggling to make a decision and take a quick break.
4 comments
What’s confusing about “I’m dating a shitass who lies to me”?
Yeah, I don’t get what there is to be confused about. He’s a liar and probably a cheater. Have some self respect and move on.
You can forgive him, but don’t go back to him. Keep a distance from him. At work and privately/ socially. Don’t get close enough to hear his attempts or to be tempted.
No one can make promises to you, go cheat with his ex in such an extravagant way, realize his mistake, have some huge transformation, and be back to pledging his devotion to you in that little of time. He didn’t have time or put in the effort to learn anything. He isn’t trustworthy.
You are in love with who you want him to be, not with the reality of who he is.
You are hurt (again) and lonely. And you want to be treated well by someone who loves you. Separate fully from this guy so you can heal… and then be open with others down the line to hopefully find that with someone who can love you in the right ways. In the meantime, fill up your time with a passion project – something creative or in the community where you will thrive and use your talents. Dig into that. Become excited about that.
If you go back to him, it shows what you think of you, what you deserve, how worthy you are of a good relationship. And, none of that would be good at all. Please start thinking and believing you deserve better. Stop even questioning if he is a good prospect. Stay completely away from him and others like him. He treated you like garbage. There are no real questions here. Why are you even asking these questions? He showed you what kind of ethics, morals, character, and loyalty he has, and we can only assume you want more from a partner. Take time to heal – really heal, and then go find a good partner.
Nothing to be confused about its very clear what he is up to so just move on