Throwaway since I don’t want this tied to my main account. To start off with, I’m a virgin and this is my first official relationship.
Anyways, I just started seeing this guy a few months ago and as we hang out more things tend to get heated. He’s great and is patient with me and doesn’t do anything I don’t want to do. The thing is he wants to go down on me but I’m scared.
It’s definitely something I want to do but I just can’t help but feel insecure I guess. I eat a healthy diet, I bathe regularly and I keep myself trimmed, it’s just this inner feeling of him like regretting maybe if I were to let him. He’s never given me any indication that he would though. Advice is definitely appreciated!
Edit- I should probably add that he’s not a virgin and has sexual experience
Edit 2- Thank you so much for all the advice. I definitely will try to relax and talk to him about it. Communication is key and I should tell him how I’m feeling. I will maybe update once it happens to show my “progress” on how I’m feeling afterwards but I wouldn’t guarantee it. Thanks again!
28 comments
A guy who is anxious to do it probably REALLY enjoys it and will be enthusiastic about it …. A lot of guys enjoy a bit of flavour – my partner now knows that I love it just after she has worked out …. Just relax and enjoy it – if necessary, have a bit of alcohol or weed to relax you the first time if you are into that.
i felt the exact same when i got into my first real relationship last year and my bf expressed that he wanted to go down on me!
i was super nervous and kind of embarrassed the first minute the first time. i was scared he wouldn’t like it, but i figured that since he asked he must’ve been wanting to do it for some time 🙂 if you’re nervous, i’d suggest doing other things (touching/fingering) before. then when you feel comfortable with his touch, just go for it!
i know it’s easy to feel weird about it when you haven’t done it, but it’s natural to have oral sex, like MILLIONS of people have oral sex EVERY DAY. if you keep your vagina clean and eat healthy, that’s all you can do. the rest is just the natural smell of the human body, you know? a clean dick tastes like dick, a clean vagina tastes vagina, and it’s not as bad as you may think it is. good luck!
So tbh, most guys (myself included) don’t really know what we are doing in the beginning. The best path is to have no expectations but I can assure you just about every guy loves giving oral, especially if you’re clean. Do your best to relax and take your time. Don’t expect perfection the first time.
As a woman I can say this feeling never goes away. Even in long term relationships when your partner is familiar with your body. It’s ok to want to take the extra steps to keep yourself taken care of but do t let it get in the way of your own enjoyment of oral. Relax and don’t be afraid to let him know what you like and don’t like.
Because it’s something you do want to try, I’d say the left time you are going to have sex with him, ask him to eat you out. Have him start small like just licking your clitoris head.
Oh honey it’s ok. Try to relax and go at your own pace. Learning about what you like or don’t like is supposed to be fun. Have you watched any video? It’s absolutely fantastic when done well.
I had the same anxiety. Going to the gynecologist and having her assure me that I was normal and healthy down there REALLY helped.
I felt uncomfortable with that when it was your age as well, and I wasn’t a virgin. It felt way more intimate to me than PIV! I was very much in love with the BF at the time, he’s never done it before, and when he offered I politely declined. It’s ok to not be comfortable with a sexual act yet. I’ve definitely grown out of that discomfort, and hopefully you can too.
I promise what you’re feeling is completely normal. As others have said, since he’s asking to do it, he probably enjoys it – which makes the experience so much better. But keep expectations low – some guys who are anxious to please have no idea what they are doing. For others, every woman is different so it takes a little time to figure each other out.
Ultimately, remember to relax and take you’re time. If you’re not ready, be honest. And if you do go for it, be open about what feels good and what you’d like. Stick to very basic instructions if that’s easier – higher, lower, harder, softer, etc. Enjoy!!
I just this year got really comfortable with receiving oral sex from my husband of 12 years. I think it’s so much more intimate than PIV sex. And guys in past relationships were really just meh about it for the most part, so I never really got to get comfortable with it. I was always worried about the taste, the smell, the hair. All of that. Getting Brazilian waxes has actually given me a ton of confidence. Now I don’t worry about hair, and honestly, without hair, there’s not really much of a smell anymore either. So, two birds, one incredibly vulnerable and embarrassing stone, but I think it’s totally worth it!
I felt this way. The guy I’ve been sleeping with really wanted to, and offered on multiple occasions. Finally one day I realized he knows what he’s working with already. And I don’t shave or wax, he knows this, obviously, but he just wanted to. So I let him. No regrets. He was great, and also gracious, and he’s since done it again at his own request, so obviously he has no regrets either 🤷🏼♀️
I used to feel this way, too, but he seemed to actually really enjoy it… took his fingers and opened my lips and then just went wild. He was amazing at it and didn’t make me feel uncomfortable after that. The more you relax and know you’re both enjoying this the better the experience.
Don’t be insecure. If he doesn’t want to do it, he won’t.
I absolutely love performing oral sex. I have had sessions where I only gave my wife oral sex and she didn’t touch me at all. I have no regrets.
Though I’m obviously trying to please my wife, I am confident I enjoy it as much as she does.
If he’s disclosed to you that he wants to go down on you, he obviously enjoys the act. You mentioned he has experience. Therefore, he knows what a woman smells like, tastes like, looks like there… you’re inexperienced, self conscious- i get it. But, if you’re comfortable with him, enjoy him and the feelings are mutual, lay back and enjoy it! It’s foreplay and you’ll experience that some guys highly enjoy this and others don’t.
you should be scared. What if he bites a chunk out of you. You can never tell with people nowadays.
Once upon a time, after touching myself, I took a tentative sniff-n-lick of my finger… and now I suck on my toys like lollipops after using them. I have zero fears about sharing my scent and taste—quite the opposite, actually.
If you’re comfortable, try it a few times! If you don’t like what you discover, and feel self-conscious, you don’t have to proceed with oral sex. If you do like it, then you can move forward with him when you’re ready.
My wife didn’t like it when we got together. I asked her if I could set a two minute timer and go down on her. When it’s over, I’ll be done. When the timer went off, she asked me to continue.
If he really likes to eat then don’t worry and just enjoy if you really worried a shower would be good.
Hi!!! I definitely get it and kudos to him for being patient! As long as you’re taking care of yourself hygiene wise & health wise you’re all good.
Make sure he has great oral hygiene as well…you don’t want anything to throw off your PH balance. Other than that trust yourself and when you’re ready, let it happen. That way when you’re relaxed and enjoying each others coming the pleasure of him down on your will be AMAZING!!
Trust me he won’t regret it at all.
My husband doesn’t care if I’m trimmed or a bit bushy as long as he gets to eat he’s happy lol. 😂😂
If a guy says outright that he wants to eat you out there’s a good chance that he doesn’t care about anything that would give you pause. If you’re not a slob your crotch is probably heaven.
Relax and have fun! He’s probably not going to be very good at it anyway. But if something feels good be sure to let him know and don’t be afraid to tell him if it doesn’t.
Its obvious when you do some thing first time you feel scared but slow and steady win the race so enjoy each others body like explore the sensation,feeling,positions and its a lovely fun.
Stop if thing irritate and start again from an other way.Good luck
I’m sure you will both enjoy it to the fullest. After the first time I’m sure you will gradually become more confident with it. BTW it’s very pleasurable for woman im sure once you feel that your worries will melt away
This is something most women experience at some point….I believe that the following will help you overcome the insecurity
https://loveywrites.com/the-thought-of-oral-sex/
Think of it like bungie jumping…just gotta take that first leap. Once you do, and you realize it was safe/fun, it gets easier.
If it helps. About half my partners where paranoid about being eaten out. One never got over it. Other was limited. One had a huge clit which was overly sensitive so would make her orgasm in less than a minute and would become painful.
From a guy who’s first time having sex started out with me eating her out first, I’d say it never hurts to have a shower first – maybe even a shower together can be fun!
But yeah the first time I ever had sex – which was also the first time I ever ate a girl out – she was suuuper hot and sweaty, not gonna lie… it was kinda like a swamp down there. Which isn’t really unexpected considering the 1-2 hours of flirting, teasing, and build-up on a hot summer day when neither of us were expecting/planning for this to happen. (So she probably showered that morning or the night before).
I’d imagine this is most girl’s worst nightmare and is exactly what leads to feeling insecure leading up to it happening.
But I really like what /u/helpme512 said
> a clean dick tastes like dick, a clean vagina tastes vagina, and it’s not as bad as you may think it is.
I’d even say it tastes WAY better than you’d expect it to. Just have a nice normal shower or bath a few hours before and you’ll be fine.
Take your time. Seriously. It’s ok to not feel ready or comfortable with him going down on you.
Personally I’ve never enjoyed receiving oral, I don’t find it pleasurable and it just makes me feel so insecure being viewed from that angle.