I feel guilty because I probably would’ve had to wait until next year to buy a house if I didn’t have a partner’s help and support. She has chipped in.
I don’t have $2k to give her back. I have almost that much and could save it in a month or so.
But this relationship is failing. We are arguing almost every day, and I feel like I’m walking on eggshells around her constantly. It has been this way for over a month now, and we’ve been dating for a year.
I don’t know any tactful way to exit this without being a huge jerk about the house situation.
tl;dr – I feel weird breaking up because of money support. Idk what to do.
9 comments
You’re in a tricky situation. And because of that, you need to prepare to weather the storm for just a little longer.
I would advise you to remain in the relationship (put up with whatever you have to) and during this time save up the $2k that you owe her. Once you have the money and are ready to free yourself from the debt, pay her back immediately.
And then you can decide whether you want to….
1. Break up straight after paying her
2. Wait a little longer, and break up after that
Option 2 could lessen the guilt by making it less obvious that you were only carrying her until you were ready to wipe the debt. And who knows, by then the situation could get so bad (since you say you’ve been fighting every day) that even she may want to split up and thought of the money you’ve just paid her back may not even occur to her. Because you probably have bigger problems than that $2k
I get that you want to break up, but no matter what you need to save to pay her back & give to her. Then break up. She doesn’t need to be out pocket because you don’t want to be in a relationship anymore more. Return the money.
Break up now, pay her what you can now, the pay the rest when you get it.
staying in a relationship with someone you secretly intend to break up with is extremely disrespectful. every time you share a hug or kiss or have sex, you’re behaving deceitfully because she is only opening herself up to you intimately on the assumption that your thoughts and feelings for each other are mutual.
more to the point: the mature thing to do is to tell her that you are thinking you might want to break up because you are fighting a lot. this will give her the opportunity to address what is making you unhappy in the relationship. you could even discuss the money situation with her instead of with reddit.
You need to pay her back, then.
Do the right thing and break up with her now and work on paying her back. It’s pretty clear, cut, and dry. If you have any feelings or respect for her that’s what you would do. You don’t need to stay in a forced relationship to pay her back.
Also, you didn’t really go into detail about the fighting- but you said it’s been for about a month and you’ve only been dating for a year. I mean, real relationships aren’t perfect and they take work. You’re 32, you should realize this. Maybe try talking to her instead of writing vague stories on Reddit for validation on your decisions.
Maybe both of you could benefit from couple counseling to help you decide where to go from here and how to solve your problems.
break up, give her as much as you can right now (why on earth you’d have less than 2k after buying a house is an entirely different painfully dumb storry) pay it off as soon as possible
don’t wait until you have the $$
If she lives with you and you’re kicking her out you damn well better pay her back first. Housing is expensive and hard to find.