I don’t know where to begin here so I’ll just start from the beginning. I’ve been seeing my gf since June, she is very outgoing and goes to many parties every week, the opposite of me. I don’t find that to be any issue, the issue arises when she turns her location off and doesn’t text me until the next day in the afternoon. Me being me, just want to make sure she gets home safe or is somewhere safe.
She has also had an issue regarding a guy she was texting and them exchanging times for her to go to his place and sleep together, I initially was going to break up with her because obviously she was planning to cheat, however she said he had her wallet and didn’t want to tell me about it (I’m not really sure if I believe her about that even).
So the current issue came up last night, for reference I have been on vacation the past week. Yesterday I came back and she came over to my apartment. Everything was really nice the whole day and night until we went to sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night and went to check my phone to see if it had charged and if it is I usually swap the phone charger to hers so she doesn’t have a dead phone in the morning (she never charges her phone and it’s always around 5% so I try and be helpful). However I noticed a weird notification come up from a text on her Lock Screen from a guy “what you doing tonight bby” (it was around 2AM when I saw it and the text was only one hour ago at the time). It really rang an alarm in my head and I then proceeded to check the text to see what was going on (I know it’s fucked up to snoop through you partners phone).
What I found made my heart drop, she had been messaging the guy for about three days before I got back from vacation and had sent nudes and asked for nudes from him, she had even changed her social media to make it seem like I wasn’t in the picture. To top it off, I also saw she was messaging two other guys for the same period of time asking where they were and if they wanted to smoke and chill.
I don’t know what to do, she knows something is up because I woke her up last night from how much my body was shaking and feeling like I was going to throw up. I just don’t want to tell her I went and looked through her phone. Since she will probably come up with an excuse for talking to these guys. But I also don’t want to forget about it and not ask her about them. Should I confront her about this situation or pretend like it didn’t happen? I really like this girl and everything she says to me is exactly what I want to hear but when I’m away it’s like she’s a totally different person.
Sorry if formatting is weird – I’m on mobile
Also throwaway account since she follows my main account
TLDR : My girlfriend was talking to and planning on hooking up with three guys while I was on vacation and exchanged nudes with one of them.
32 comments
I’m not sure she was “planning”, I bet she already has. And you need to ask what to do?! Cmon man. You know what to do. This violation of trust will never go away.
It doesn’t matter if you like her or not. You need to have the balls to walk away and never look back.
You should definitely confront her and maintain your cool when you do. But if you’re not a confrontational person, tell her it’s not going to work and leave it at that.
This girl clearly doesn’t understand what it means to be loyal.
Get her out of your life completely ASAP!
How could she say anything to justify cheating on you? You saw the texts and the naked pictures of her. Those are cold hard facts. Stop deluding and lying to yourself. She’s cheating on you. You have to confront it. You can’t hide from it, and you can’t let her get away with it. You’re dating a morally bankrupt person. She’s playing you, manipulating you, lying to you, and cheating on you.
That should make you angry. That betrayal should make you want her out of your life.
So let’s summarize.
1. Dated for a month and the amount of issues has left me baffled.
2. Your girlfriend turns off her location and disappears only at night.
3. You saw texts between her and another dude about going to his place and sleeping together and she gave you an excuse that made no sense.
4. You saw another text with a guy calling her baby and asking what she’s doing at 2am.
5. You looked further through the texts and found nudes from her and him.
6. Deleted pictures of you and her on social media so it seems like she was single.
7. She was texting 2 other guys. So 3 in total.
8. You still want to talk to her to fix this.
This is such a joke. I legitimately pity you because you think this chick gives a shit about you. She does not. But you’re not gonna see that just because a stranger on the internet tells you.
>had sent nudes and asked for nudes from him,
Mr. She already has cheated. Unless you two have agreed upon sending nudes to outsiders, then it’s cheating.
>I really like this girl
My dear, it’s hard to give you advice without being biased. You two have been together since June. Look at all the things she’s done. Can you imagine if you stay with her longer? She’ll only get better at hiding things and disrespecting you.
Your sense of dignity, pride and self respect shouldn’t be pushed aside for anybody.
Shes a serial cheater. You know what to do.
If you don’t end things with this child, you deserve all the pain coming your way. Everyone is telling you to leave.
Ex
Now you respect yourself and leave her.
Rated E
She’s already cheating, walk away.
Just ghost her and move on. Lots of girls.
Focus on college and having fun with friends.
Girls keep casual.
She’s not actually your girlfriend, sorry to say
To quote the philospher Future: “She´s for the skreets”
Bro get out of there, you already took too long. All of this is unjustifiable. She is not planning on cheating. It sounds more like she´s been cheating. Know your worth king. Leave ASAP.
OP, heart of my heart. Bear my torch and I will walk with you through these misty woods that I’ve come to know.
Do you often feel confused in your relationship when talking about your needs or feelings? Does she often come up with excuses or deflections for the things she has done or not done that hurt you? Do you feel like you put in more towards the relationship, mentally, emotionally or physically, but she just tells you that you’re not doing enough or as much as her and you find that confusing? Do you ever feel scared to share your feelings with her because in doing so you’re opening yourself up and being vulnerable and more often than not she excuses and deflects which ultimately is rejection? Do you feel like there’s lots of double standards in the relationship favoring her but she accuses you of putting double standards on her? Do you find that she is extremely hard pressed to ever earnestly apologize for hurting you? Does your relationship ever feel like you’ve gotten lost while spelunking? The water often rises and you’re panicking, suffocating. Then the tide recedes for a beautiful respite but not long enough for you to find a way out.
You’re experience is not a road less taken. These are deeply trodden trails. The steps of millions of lost souls walking in circles. Confused and muddled not by mistake, for they… We, have been made to be so. I know you “want to be helpful”. And that’s all well and good until you find someone who only ever wants you to be helpful too. You’re being taken advantage of OP. If you question this, test it. A woman who truly loved you would want you to feel happy and trusting in your relationship. That means earnestly addressing you doubts and concerned until you told her you felt like they have been addressed. What you need in order to trust her is not something that she can invalidate. If you say I need to look at your phone in order to trust you in this relationship. That’s what you need. She can try and beat you into submission verbally or otherwise but it doesn’t discount the truth of your statement. Stand resolutely in what your needs.
If any of this resonates don’t hesitate to DM me and I’d be happy to talk further.
Your girlfriend? Sounds like our girlfriend.
I don’t think she is planning it. I think she already has and is comfortable doing it. You need to decide on what you want to do know this info. sus that her location is only turned off when she goes to a party and isn’t turned on until she wakes up mean when she is in a place that can’t implicate where she was.
What excuse can she come up with for
Sending nudes?
Bro, she is never going to be faithful. One day when she matures she will realize that she had a good guy and fucked it up
Really????? Why would you even confront her. You have been dating just over a month. End the relationship and move on. You would have to be fool to stay with someone like that. I am seriously confused as to why you would even need to get advice on what to do.
just break up with her, wtf are you doing??
youve been seeing her since june? you havnt lost much time, just walk away.
Dude if you don’t leave this chick right now. She has no respect for you at all and is a habitual cheater. Save yourself the trouble and break up with her and let her do what she wants.
Also stop making excuses for her. That emboldens her to keep doing what she’s doing.
Planning, she already cheated. Just break up with her tell her it’s not working out and leave it at that together out of your life. She’s not going to be faithful.
> “What should I do?”
Stop it. You already know.
This is just ridiculous.
You need to move on from this girl. I know it sucks and hurts, but you can never be at peace with her.
As a person who was in a (somewhat) similar situation, I would advise breaking up with her! If you stay with her you will likely develop severe trust issues and it will slowly chip away at your self esteem.
I have been in your position and had an ex who did shady things like this over snapchat (& had tinder) within the first few months of our relationship. I decided to stay for a year and it was the worst decision I have ever made. I got out of that relationship and realized I had a lot of trauma afterwards due to their constant emotional abuse/attempts to cheat.
I wish you the best of luck!! You got this and you will find someone who is deserving of your love!!
Get a life and get off Reddit. It might save your life someday.🙄
Were those red flags flying by so fast that you couldn’t see them?
And she tells you everything you want to here – she is amazing. Because it certainly couldn’t be that she is lying.
This has to be fake or Op is completely oblivious. “She likes to out to party every weekend”. “She turns her location off and then doesn’t text me until late next day”. “She went to another guy’s house because he somehow had her wallet?!?!”
If you aren’t trolling us, Op, go back and re-read what you wrote and then tell us what you think you should do.
Buddy, this world ain’t built for nice people. Like, there is a line and there are people that you should be “kind” to, but nice is just another word for doormat. Be kind, not nice.
You can be both a person that holds others accountable and protects themself and be kind.
You cannot hold others accountable and be nice, because being nice means to never be negative or harsh, to never be willing to hurt others, even with the truth.
Be kind, but not nice.
She might have deeper issues at play, I’d bounce for sure. You might get an STD if you stay.
Get tested for STIs, throw her to the curb.
You can do a lot better.
Why the hell u still wanna be with her?
Have the strength to walk off.
I want to slap you