hi i just need to talk about this because, after reflecting, post-hookup i started to feel kinda weird
i had been texting with this guy for a while and we met up for the first time to hangout.
we start hooking up i gave him head for like 5 minutes and then he asked if he could go down on me and i agreed. so he goes down for maybe 10 seconds and next thing i know his penis was inside me raw. i feel kinda tricked ?like he clearly didn’t want to give me head he just wanted to put his penis in, but i really wished he would have asked first.
i wasn’t planning on having full on sex that night but i never mentioned that to him. once it was in i just kinda went with it. after we were done he had for m but he said that i didn’t look into it and he doesn’t think i liked it.
i never said anything and i went with it so my question is, did i give implied consent? i mean i wouldn’t have wanted to have sex, especially raw, but i did give head raw so maybe he thought i was cool with it. plus it was hot and heavy and we were naked so i can understand why he assumed. i just thought he would say something first or ask about a condom or something?
i feel stupid because i didn’t say anything but it didn’t bother me until i went home and thought about it. obviously now i wish i spoke up but i remember thinking i was into him and we were probably gonna have sex him at one point anyway so i decided, since it was already in, to just go with it.
would appreciate honest thoughts/opinions pls
20 comments
That is sexual assault.
Please don’t let people put their dick inside you raw without consent, you could have got a std, pregnant, etc. Yes you should feel weird, because he essentially forced his way into you. Please don’t see him again and find someone who isn’t a selfish asshole. You deserve better.
He did the wrong thing and he knows it.
You know it too.
Clarify the encounter prior to meeting up
No you didn’t give implied consent but you also didn’t tell him no or to stop. He didn’t ask and you didn’t refuse. This is why using words is so important. If you don’t want or like something you have to speak up. Some people are willing to push boundaries like that and assume you will be okay with their actions.
Speak up. People are not mind readers. If you just go along with something, how are they supposed to know to stop?!
This is horrible miscommunication and now people are claiming sexual assault in the thread when technically it wasn’t. You never said stop, you never said go, but you LET it happen.
You have to speak up. If you said no or stop, then it’s sexual assault and you should press charges. But just letting him do it bc you figured y’all would sleep together anyway………but now you regret it……..you really need to figure out your boundaries.
He’s in the wrong. He should have asked. It’s not your fault for freezing up. A lack of rejection is not consent.
Relax. A lesson learned. You will know better next time.
I’m so confused about this post. How did he go to put his dick on you without you realising he was? I always cock block them, there was not one time where I thought I’m not fucking and it just happened, especially raw! Maybe I am being ignorant and if you can clarify how this happened.
One time the condom went inside of me and I carried on fuckinh raw. I then realised and apparently he could smell the condom somewhere, which was a lie. Two days later it came out. I was so annoyed.
And also doesn’t matter how good it feels, we are already irrational but when having sex I really don’t know what happens! 😂 Always think twice before doing anything with anyone without a condom. If they don’t think twice with you best believe he be fucking everybody else without. Get tested and send that asshole to hell
Some other guys tried to do stuffs like this, put your hands in your vagina, literally block it and tell to put a condom on. Thats what I do anyways and its been avoided.
Here is the reality, he was wrong in just going for sex, but if you’re giving head raw then you might as well have sex raw, the stats for getting an STI from oral is a bit lower but its absolutely still a possibility so I dont see the difference. If you were fully naked and never said you didnt want to have sex its not on him to read your mind. Sure he should have asked but seriously if your giving head on the first time you meet then why would he think full on sex was not going to happen? Unfortunately in this situation you never said “No” or “Stop” so its not on him. Sure he was inconsiderate but I would say you gave green lights all the way with the BJ, letting him go downtown, you guys fully naked and you never setting expectations and with all this happening the fist time you met…… Please be careful out there! go get checked and stop doing this stuff on the first date and if you cant stop, take a condom with you or set expectations early!
If you don’t want to do something, you have to communicate that. Doesn’t sound like you are assertive enough to pursue anymore hookups. I would suggest avoiding them in the future.
Op please read this, HE IS IN THE WRONG. He asked to give you head but he couldn’t ask if he could put it in??? he knew EXACTLY what he was doing. That is awful and assault, also he put it in raw? what trusted man would ever think to do that if he respected the other person, he could get you pregnant. Please get tested for an STD then pregnancy just in case.
Asking to go down on your and being told that’s okay is now the same as giving consent for him to go in you, let alone raw.. you should have immediately stopped him.. however, I wouldn’t ever meet him again since he clearly did it to manipulate you by only spending 10 seconds on you before doing it. He did it deliberately and knew he got away with it once you didn’t speak up, I bet it wasn’t his first time attempting this trick either.. it’s fucked up since you, 1.) didn’t give consent, 2.) could get pregnant, 3.) could get std…
In todays climate what he did is he raped you. The fact you are questioning in shows your dissonance. If he asked permission to give you head then it clearly follows he should also be asking about having intercourse with you.
This was assault. You feel weird because he assaulted you.
Yes, in an ideal world? You would have discussed it proactively. Or he would have asked. BUT: this didn’t just happen. He misled you. He asked to go down on you, you consented and gave him access. And he *put his dick in you*
That’s fucked up. Please find a good therapist to help you, so that it doesn’t cause lasting trauma.
Something similar happened to me with a FWB many years ago. We hadn’t been having PIV sex, just oral and hands. I am not a passive person. But when he slipped it in without asking, I absolutely froze.
You don’t know how you’ll act when your trust is violated. I immediately got out of bed and was on the verge of vomiting in the bathroom. I didn’t say a word, even when he asked if I were ok.
I then tried to normalize it, hanging out with him solo and in our group of friends, bc I couldn’t believe it had happened.
I hope you get the support and love you need, instead of a scolding some people are giving you. And yes to getting tested. Please follow up with him and tell him he didn’t have consent and you were shocked and unable to protest, assuming you feel safe doing so. And obviously don’t see him again.
He wasn’t a good guy. You were in shock because of his weird behaviour. I think it is fair to be upset about this. Best thing is to learn about how to respond next time and don’t see this guy again
That sounds traumatic I couldn’t imagine doing that to someone I was sleeping with. You deserve someone who respects you that guy sounds like trash. Of course you weren’t into it there was like 0 foreplay
man hook ups are the worst, try to be with guys who respect you. also get an std test in 2 weeks
Next time discuss your boundaries and what you want most guys will be respectful. If someone doesn’t want to do something. I stop immediately. All you have to do is set ground rules and say next time that you only are going to do x and y but not z. He will understand. For him it was probably a dominance thing. He was probably an alpha male. I am more of a sigma.
This wasn’t sexual assault.