My (f34) BF (M36) still looks up his ex after 4 years
How frequent do you look up an exe?
Ive (f35) been with my partner (m36) for 4 years, prior to me he was with his ex for 18 months.
Yesterday I was in our shared PC, it’s mostly usedby both of us for gaming but he also uses it when he has to WFH. When I opened Google and clicked the search bar and his exes name popped up in the recent searches. It’s hard to tell when the search took place however We’ve been planning a little weekend get away and it fell in between those searches, so I know it’s been very recent.
I never look up my ex as it doesn’t interest me but is it normal to be looking up your ex 4 years on? He’s had a few exes but he only looks her up.
How often do you look up your exes? When is the cut off?
Tl:Dr how frequently do you look up exes.
6 comments
I look up my exes all the time, and have reconnected with exes from a long time ago without feeling any desire to date them again. It is very hard to be so close with someone and then just try to forget about them completely.
Maybe your bf does have nefarious purposes, totally possible. I just don’t think this is enough evidence to conclude that
You shouldn’t look up exes on the net it’s a good way to fuck it up
I looked up my most significant ex, the one I was first engaged to, twice. The first time was a few years after I got married because I always felt a little bit guilty about how I ended it and I wanted to know how she and her kids turned out. This was in mid 1990’s before social media and I didn’t find anything. The second time was about 15 years later because my parents mentioned they got a letter from her. They didn’t show me the letter but it was clearly addressed to my mom and dad and not to me. It had been 20 years since broke up when she mailed the letter. I did find her on FB and I did find something on her kids. I didn’t send friend requests or do anything to communicate with any of them. I saw enough to know that they turned out OK and that was all I needed.
Never felt any inclination to communicate with them. I would rather cut off body parts then actually communicate with any of them again.
Unfortunately I made the mistake of searching for her name in our history and it’s a few times a year. Is that excessive? I really don’t know because I have zero interest in looking up my ex. I just find it odd that he only looks her up out of all of his exes. It was a messy breakup too, she cheated.
Getting cheated on makes a breakup really, really hard. If he’s anything like me, he’ll be constantly wondering what he did wrong, what he did to deserve that. Especially if he genuinely did love her. He’ll be jealous that she gets to continue being happy while he is stuck with so much misery and bitterness.
It doesn’t necessarily diminish his love for you. He’s probably still really hurt and confused; that kind of stuff takes an incredibly long time to heal. If he’s only doing it a few times a year, it sounds like it’s more out of curiosity (and maybe a touch of nostalgia), rather than genuinely missing her. If it makes you feel insecure, like he’s comparing you to her, should ask him about it. Four years sounds like plenty of time to build some level of trust between you two. (But hey; it wasn’t enough for me).
Best of luck!
You might talk to him directly. You don’t want to know whether strangers on the internet look up their exes, you want to know whether he is hung up on her. “I know this might be awkward, but I saw [ex’s] name under ‘recent searches’ on the computer. Is there anything for me to worry about?” And hopefully (and probably) he says, “No — sometimes she pops into my head and I wonder what she’s doing, so I google her.”