So my partner who is talented and she knows what she is doing. It’s just that she is searching for job since 2 years and there is no success. How do you motivate and support your partner in times like this?

41 comments

  3. First and foremost, be encouraging and supportive. Looking for work and not hearing back is very demoralizing…

    I’d structure her search – make a list of all the places she’s applied moving forward, have her follow-up every other week or so. Help her review her resume. Use ChatGPT to write cover letters (then tweak them as needed). I’d also have her consider looking for a position in a low-level job to hold her over until she finds something she likes

  4. If she’s been searching for 2 years and hasn’t found anything, it’s possible that she doesn’t want to work. Have you tried asking her if she wants to be a housegirlfriend for you?

  5. >How do you motivate and support your partner in times like this?

    try to identify why there is a lack of success and then work from there. If the same conditions are being repeated with the same results the conditions should be meticulously looked at to identify any areas for growth or change in effort to facilitate a return in that growth or change by getting a job.

    do either of you know why they are having a difficulty?

  6. I haven’t been in this situation but I would support by buying everything, not pushing her too hard, understanding that she’s probably going to be a bit depressed not having anything going on.

  7. My GF is in the same boat. If she just wanted *any* job, she could have one tomorrow, but the field she’s interested in is hard to break into. I just keep reminding her that we’re not in any serious financial distress, and that her fulfillment matters more to me than her employment.

  9. So which is it, she has a bullshit degree or only wants the job/pay she doesn’t qualify for?

  10. She needs a job, not her dream job or a job in her field. It can be washing dishes, flipping burgers, whatever. In the meantime she can also be looking for her dream job while working and bringing in income.

    Thats bullshit unless she has a lot of savings. Some money is better than no money. You are training her to be a bum. Not like she is a sports star and cant leave her job if she finds her dream job.

  11. Offer to step up financially if you can. Help her with her job search/resume if you can.

    I also just want to say 2 years in a mighty long time. I’d suggest either changing the scope of her search or encouraging her to get something in the mean time that isn’t her field or dream job just go bring in some money and get used to working again.

  12. This is the lowest unemployment has been in 50 years. Has it occurred to you she might not actually be skilled? Or might actually not be trying?

  14. Is she holding out for something specific, or just can’t “find anything”? In my 20s I was out of work for a bit, but after 2 weeks I went to Job Placement centers to do manual labor and shit. I mean, they’re not good jobs but every food place is hiring, probably pays more than unemployment.

    Income disparity is a factor too though, do you make 100k and she makes 10k? In that case it’d be better to just have her at home cleaning, but from your post I suspect that’s not the case.

  15. There have been thousands that have been laid off from different industries, especially tech since early last year and they are all applying for jobs in mass waves. My partner was laid off last year after many years with a company and still hasn’t found a stable job. He got significant severance and is working a part-time job as well to double dip on pay, but the job market is extremely tough right now. There have been a lot of people that have been looking for close to a year now for stable work. Many are working multiple part-time jobs or a side-gig to fill the gap. If she’s doing that, then her situation isn’t much different from thousands of others. Many companies are posting roles that they won’t be hiring for until next year or they are on a hiring freeze and the role is still posted. The biggest misconception people have is that roles posted are being actively hired for. Many aren’t. Keep practicing interview questions with her to help out and treat looking for work as a job as well.

  16. Respectfully OP no one can give you any meaningful advice without knowing where you are based and what your girlfriend’s industry is in.

  17. She’s a liar and doesn’t want to find work my friend. That’s your issue.

  18. Mine became my wife and turned into a stay-at-home mom. If you can afford it financially, you want to have kids, and she is a good house keeper, it isn’t a bad move.

    Child care is extremely expensive, no one wants to do housework after a full time job, and it makes it pretty clear who is in charge of what.

    Downside: after the kids have grown up (school age at least), you might be right back where you started with her trying to figure out how to get a job, and what makes sense.

  20. Tell her to get a job any job it doesn’t matter what the job is so long as you’re getting paid for your time. It doesn’t matter if you hate the job it doesn’t matter if it’s not the field you want to work in. Having your dream job is not the primary goal or Focus bringing in money should be the focus any money is better than no money. Once she has any job and is bringing in money then she can spend her spare time looking for her dream job.
    My dream job is doing inherit my parents’ Fortune unfortunately they’re broke and I have to keep working until they find their Fortune and then I can have it

  22. The terms “searching for a job” and “since 2 years” are mutually exclusive. She is not trying.

  23. As others have said, the key thing here is: unless there’s a big motivator (for example, economic hardship) it’s really hard to try to “force” someone to ultimately land a position

    What I mean is, it seems like based on replies you have, this isn’t necessarily a role that has to be filled. It seems like you’re saying she’s doing it more to pass the time, than actually using it to support your quality of life

    This is kind of difficult, because (and to put this bluntly) most people looking for jobs don’t have this luxury. Rent is due, they have bills to pay. And because of this, they don’t have the ability to be selective in these situations.

    Because of this, it then leads to people learning to set more realistic expectations based on how the market is. For example, someone might try to get a degree position, and if they can’t find anything, they decide to do a non-degree position to make ends meet.

    I surface this, because unless there’s this tension and motivation here, it then means that the person might choose to be overly selective. And the challenge here is that this then means that “job hunting”, can theoretically be as long as they want.

    As I’m sure you’re seeing here, the main thing we’re all hung up on is the length you’re describing. Two years is a LONG time for not get a “job”, not because of her say, being selective or not finding the right “role”, but because for most you just don’t have the time to wait this long to get something

    On average (and as someone who was part of a group layoff) most people have maybe three months tops before they are basically forced to work to make ends meet. Additionally, as time goes on, they are kind of forced to be more selective since their finances and savings are diminishing

    I bring this all up because the part that’s hard about this is, unless there’s a “scary” goal for this, she’s probably never going to get a job.

    Three months? That makes sense, she is just canvasing her options

    Six months? Still makes sense, maybe an interview or two here and there, but still choosing to find the “right” one

    One year is where most people experiencing financial hardship would be worried. For most, that’s when savings start to run dry

    Any timeframe after one year, is something that isn’t due to market conditions… that’s due to the person. I know this might not sound great, but if you actually want her to have a job, she’s going to need a timeline, or an ultimatum.

    The simple truth is this: if there is a essential reason to do something, it gets done in a timely manner. Either personal motivation or market conditions, there has to be an outside force which needs to force a decision. If there isn’t… well, she can just go years doing this, and ultimately not find anything.

    Because you don’t have a say, “in six months we’ve lost our savings and we need secondary income” moment. Or “if you can’t find a job in [x] field by now, you need to start doing Uber or Doordash because you aren’t finding anything that fits the bill” since this isn’t a necessary role.

    If her actual reason is… she’s bored, well… you know that isn’t really a big motivator for change right?

  24. 2 years? lol

    My man. She is not searching for shit or is being too picky. We all want the perfect job, but if you cannot find it you still have bills to pay. You have provided minimal info, but I am guessing she is taking advantage of you.

    She would have 2 options:

    -Take the next job you can get. I don’t care how much you make. You take the job and while working it you keep looking for a better fit.

    -I dump you bc I am not supporting you. I am your partner, not your meal ticket.

  25. If am financially stable and can afford to support someone I love, it’s not a burden. If I’m struggling financially and the other person is just mooching off of me, I wouldn’t put up with it!

  26. You have a female companion that wants to work? Oh lord that’d be awesome.

  27. If she can’t find anything in 2 years then she must be looking for a slot in a very specific field or else she really isn’t trying or doesn’t really want to work. If she is focusing on a specific field and can’t find anything then she needs to start working in *any other field* while waiting for an opportunity in her preferred field to open up. The boomers are all retiring and there is a massive labor shortage – the unemployment rate is below 4%. If she truly can’t find *anything* she doesn’t want to work.

  30. Dude, she not looking. She’s just feeding off you like a tapeworm. You are being played.

  31. I just told my girl to not work if she doesn’t want to. She takes care of other things and helps out with my hobbies

    Money is nice, but support in other areas is nice too

  32. Tell her to work on the oilfield, solar energy, roofing, plumbing. There’s a shortage of laborers.

  33. Could she seriously not find any bar or restaurant work while searching for the idea job?

    I mean it seems like a big red flag her not having a job for 2 years.

  34. Is the market for her talents way overloaded? Change jobs. Not available in your area at all? Move. Is she over reaching for something she isn’t qualified for? Why… Is she wanting more pay/benefits or not wanting to start at/near the bottom until she can prove herself? Ya gotta start somewhere. Always 2 sides…

  35. How do we support a woman who has a hard time finding a job? The same way we’ve been supporting non-working women for eons. If she does want to work then you give her some advice on job searching and help her with her resume, and never, ever give her shit about being lazy or whatever unless you just want to break up with her…

  36. What kind of work is she trying to find?

    She’s lucky to have a partner to support her. Others wouldn’t get to be so picky.

  38. 2 years without a full time job means you either aren’t actually trying, you want a job that doesn’t exist, or you want a job you aren’t qualified for.

    I don’t think there is consoling that need to be done here but rather a reality check that she needs to aim lower and build from there

  39. Sometimes doing a job that you don’t like is the best motivation to get a better one.

  40. I’ve read somewhere: studies were shown that some woman apply to places that they are 100% qualified for with minimizing the risk of rejection. Maybe she’s looking for too much of her dream job and find a solid job, without settling of course.

    Best of luck to you both tho!

  41. Two years in this economy? Last year if someone had a PULSE they could get hired it seemed. What industry is she in, I could see a highly specialized role being more difficult to obtain, but this reeks of ‘someone is paying the bills, I’m not interested in making my own money’ more than anything

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