So this is my first ever post on Reddit. I’m just looking for advice or even suggestions that some of you may have found helpful
For the last couple of years I have been really struggling with my mental health, due too poor mental health I was having anger attacks (nothing physical only Verbal) getting angry about stupid things, and unfortunately my wife and son had to deal with it often.
I’ve been seeing a therapist for roughly the last year, that has helped reduce the anger attacks but they’re still there.
Roughly a week ago it happened again and a few days after it happened my wife decided she didn’t want to put up with it anymore (which I can understand).
This all sent me into a very dark place and I just want to get back out of this again because I need to be there for my son and show my wife I can be the person she needs me to be.
She has told me that she needs space but can’t promise or tell me if we will give it all another chance (which atm is my greatest wish). I will be moving into my own apartment in the next couple of months, which makes me worry it’s over for good.
I’m already searching for any way possible to help me through this tough time. I am also open to try everything
Ive been living in a different country from my family for a few years and don’t know many people in my area. I feel like I’m going through this all alone.
I just want to be able to show my wife how sorry I am and get my mental health in line before I loose her forever
Any advice will be very appreciated
Thank you!
Edit: thank you everyone for your kind words. One thing Id would like to be clear is that my wife didn’t leave me because of me being mentally ill, just the fact that she couldn’t deal with my outbursts any longer. And after countless times where I promised I would make change I didn’t follow up enough to make a real difference. I understand her side of it all I’m just figuring out what I should be doing with myself in this time (the suggestions you have given me I have already put plans into place to begin this journey) and any suggestions on what else may help are of course very appreciated! Thank you all !
3 comments
Continue therapy. Find something that releases your anger instead of letting it at them. Pulling weeds, gym time, running, or whatever that helps you. What she needs to see is progress by actions.
Have you talked to a psychiatrist? My husband’s depression was non-stop anger all the time, though his flared up suddenly 4 years into our marriage, and anti-depressants 2 years later brought him back to the version of him I fell in love with. He was able to see the anger on anti-depressants, but it dulled the intensity of his feelings enough that he could actually process them and handle them rather than taking it out on me or making it my problem. A therapist doesn’t have the ability to prescribe or explore medication, but it’s a step to explore.
Keep doing therapy, consider recommending doing couple’s therapy together. Respect her wishes no matter what – she’s dealt with you abusing her all these years, you’re not going to win her over without some massive work on yourself and the way you communicate with her, and even then it might be too late and she’s completely fallen out of love with you.
Focus on the things that distract and make you feel better. Go to the gym, do some self-help reading on communication (Gottman is a great resource for this), rely on your support system, and be self-reflective.
I’m so sorry for the difficult situation. It can be hard for some to be supportive through mental health issues. Try to look at the break as time to focus on you. Talk with your therapist about this and perhaps ask what else you might try. Stay in touch with your wife and ask for public visits with your son. Hopefully, as those go well, she’ll let him have more time with you, maybe even overnight visits. Please keep working with the therapist, it often takes time for change to happen and stick. Prayers for peace, wisdom, strength and reconciliation.