What would I do if my husband doesn’t know how to make love? He rarely does foreplay and I am giving him pleasure most of the time. If you know what I mean. I love him so I want to make him happy and satisfy his needs. But, he rarely makes a first move too so I am the one who moves for him and I’ve noticed he is being lazy. Don’t get me wrong I love my husband but I am sick the way he made love. It has been going for a decade and I don’t want to be vocal about it because I don’t wanna hurt his feelings. Any advice how to deal with this? I am 31 and he is 36 years old.
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if you want him to be better you have to be vocal. can’t stress that enough. you have to communicate.
after sex i find is usually the best time to bring it up and just start by pointing out things that you do like or you found hot. that way it isn’t a criticism and it gets communication going. it won’t happen quickly but you just want to make talking about sex comfortable, criticism can come later, but it’s more of a correction than criticism
it’s also a good time because it’s fresh, it’s less awkward and endorphins are high.
Do you provide him with feedback? For example if he’s doing something that you like you vocalize it?
Sex between my husband and I has improved drastically over the last 4 years for the better. He mentioned that it helped knowing what exactly I like. It could be that he honestly thinks he’s doing a great job because he can’t read your mind.
You mentioned that you’re the one making the first move, maybe try to make a game out of it by asking him to make the first move while also keeping the banter going.
Sexual intimacy with your partner is so beautiful and helps build a connection, you deserve to feel this!
What you described sounds familiar in my relationship. Communication is important without criticism. In my relationship, I found out he had been hiding a porn addiction from me our entire 23 year relationship. I hope this is not the case in your relationship. If it is, there is a sub with a great resource library called r/loveafterporn.
> I don’t want to be vocal about it because I don’t wanna hurt his feelings.
As soon as I read this I lost all sympathy for you. How is your husband supposed to know he’s not doing a good job if you don’t tell him? I really doubt he’s a snowflake with feelings that are that easily hurt.
One thing you can do is constructive reinforcement rather than criticism. Instead of saying “you’re doing X wrong” say “it’s really hot when you do Y”.
It’s time for that uncomfortable conversation… you’ve been denied 10yrs of great sex. Is he aware that he’s not getting it done?
Why do you guys order some sex guides/books so you can have fun exploring each other’s bodies? This is 100% fixable
so IMO….men need specific direction. you need to talk to him directly about what you want. just tell him you luv to have sex with him and find it is a great way to connect. then tell him the things you want out of sex. also ask if there is anything more he would want. if you want a long, fulfilling, happy marriage…you have to get comfortable having open conversations about stuff.
Then you owe it to yourself and him to find a way to broach this subject and learn together. This could be a really really fun project
Men have such porcelain thin egos that you could find yourself in harms way just trying to express that he’s not doing it for you sexually.
I’d suggest couple counseling if for no other reason than having a witness if he gets angry.