How do single Dads deal with logistics?

39 comments

1. UPS?

2. A friend of mine lost his wife when his kids were 1 and 3. He actually moved his mom in with him for a few years to help with a lot of that stuff. So maybe if you have a relative that could be an option.

   I’d definitely sign up for family therapy, I wouldn’t have any clue where to begin helping my kid through that.

   As for food, search cheap meals on here (can’t remember the name but there is a sub for it) and also on YouTube. You’ll see a ton of cheap easy options. I really like Joshua Weissman, he has a bit cheaper series where he’ll make something like a Chipotle bowl, but it only cost like $3 per serving.

   But try to give yourself some grace, you’re new to this and most of us aren’t rock stars at new things right off the bat.

3. I’ve been lucky and haven’t had to deal with this but my cousin has (and he has 2 kids), here is what he did:

   His wife left for another boy and drugs and has been in and out of jail for 10 years and never works or provides and barely sees the kids. His mom moved in with him and helps with the bills. He took it one day at a time, got better at everything slowly and gradually. Eventually he felt comfortable dating again and now is on his second serious girlfriend. The kids mom can text the kids whenever she wants but rarely bothers, the oldest (16) wants nothing to do with mom and the youngest (11) really doesn’t care much but still tries to please mom. At the youngest’s sweet 16 party she gave a huge speech about how great her dad was and how he was always there for her, even mentioned the new girlfriend and how great she is (she’s been around for about 4 years now), not one word about bio mom though, who was attending the party (although looked strung out).

   Bottom line, take it day by day, do what you can for your child. If he’s old enough to ask for mom just tell him she’s sick and you aren’t sure when she’ll be back. Also, get yourself and your wife (if you are able to but I doubt you will be) good life insurance policies so that if something tragic happens to you then your boy will be taken care of.

4. Hey man. Sorry to hear you’re going through an absolute shit storm. There’s a large gathering of dads over at r/daddit who would be happy to give advice. Hang in there.

5. That’s hard, man. Sounds like you’re doing your very best in a tough situation

   I put everything in my google calendar and that’s the first thing I see when I open my phone. If it’s not in the calendar it doesn’t exist. Dentists reception asks for an appointment in 6 months? Goes in the calendar then and there. Don’t bother with a card with it written on. Takes more time in the moment, but I rarely forget anything or double book

   Therapy is going to be really important here. I’ve been going on and off for years and especially when something big happens. You’ll be so busy and supporting your kid, that time to decompress and sort out some confusing thoughts about your partner, her relapse, managing everything, talking to your kid… It’s a lot and a therapist can help un-fuck some of the confusion.

   I think you’re onto it with the time difference helping make more time in your day, I do the same thing with West Coast / East Coast in Australia, gets me an extra couple hours I wouldn’t otherwise have. There’s also online therapists which might be more accessible for immediate help – better help is one I see a lot of ads for, but I’ve never used it.

   Good luck dude, you’ve got this 💪 just take it one day at a time as much as you can and keep on putting one foot in front of the other. It will eventually get easier, I promise you that.

6. First off, I don’t really have much advice for this situation but I’m so sorry for your loss and hope things work out for you. I believe you can get through this!

   I’d recommend leaning on those close to you; your parents, her parents, family and friends. In this situation I have to believe people will be eager to help, but perhaps self conscious as to not overstep boundaries. So I’d be vocal with those closest to you that you’d appreciate and be very receptive to help – and if possible identify ways that you need help I.e. financially, through child care, help with other errands like meals/groceries, and emotional support, etc.

   To keep myself organized I have a physical calendar on the wall for more irregular stuff (not really day to day) but things like dinners, events, birthdays, etc. That might be good for organizing things like childcare pick-ups, doctors appointments, and other general activities in your day to day life.

   Wishing you the best!

7. Fellow single father here.

   Therapy definitely adds value.

   Cooking will be difficult initially. Start with simple stuff but don’t resort to packaged stuff becoming a meal – it’s fine for the one day when you’re absolutely exhausted at the end of the day. As the days go by, you’ll be surprised at how quickly you’re learning how to cook. Reach out to female friends for ideas or just ask them if they can teach you something that you’re still learning – otherwise, there is always YouTube.

   Next challenge will be keeping up with school work. Once you’ve managed to get your daily routine and cooking in order, you’ll have to get on this one next.

   Its important that the child can do simple things by themselves – going to the potty, eating breakfast, stashing away the toys. Little things go a long way in minimising your burnout. Therapy will really help in ensuring that you don’t feel overwhelmed by it all.

   Most important, have a good relationship with your son. You may not have as much time on your hands as other two-parent households, but this is key in making sure that the child does not grow up with an unfilled void inside them.

   While it expected to be cranky at your kid when he is being stubborn and not cooperating, it is important that he understands that while you were angry at him for a moment, he can always approach you 10 mins later and you’ll be back to being friendly and that he does not have to walk on egg shells all the time.

8. Lots of good advice here but to give yourself grace is the most important. You will figure this out but it will take time and you will learn from your mistakes.
   I haven’t lived through this but I can’t even imagine the frustration. I’m glad your son has someone so caring to help him through this.

9. /r/eatcheapandhealthy

10. I’m a single dad of 2 girls, 6 and 7, and will be 7 and 8 by September. Been a single dad since early July of 2020.

    I’ve fucked up and fell short more than a few times. I’ve had to lock myself in my room or the bathroom and cry as quietly as I could, for 45 minutes, on multiple occasions. But what’s made me feel better, is my daughter’s randomly telling me they love me. When they randomly hand me a drawing they made of us. They often tell me I’m the best dad in the world, unprompted. Do I believe that? Not all the time. Maybe only half the time. I’ll periodically check on their mental state and ask questions such as “Is there anything I can do to be a better dad?”. 8/10 they say I’m great. But in the 2/10 times they do give me any advice (“We wanna have movie nights again”), I listen to them, and them actually having an opinion, shows me that when they say I’m doing great, they genuinely mean it. But I know they believe it. I don’t really have much advice, cause I’m still figuring it out myself. But what I can say is, as long as you try your hardest and keep a safe line of communication, they’ll pick up on how much you bust your ass for them, and how much you care, and it’ll solidify your place with them.

11. Meal prep is key. Take a few hours on Sunday and get the week ready. Lots Tupperware. Lots of portioned out frozen food. Rice cooker is an amazing tool. You will get better at this.

12. I’m nowhere where you are. And sorry for your loss and struggles. However I am a triathlete with a fulltime job. So I know how to cook nutritious, and prep.

    My tip, buy a basic cookbook. Spend the sunday time with your son where you both cook. Obviously he cant do much, but you can bond, and you can teach him over the years. And you can prep some meals which you can put in the freezer.

13. Not a single dad, and I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t help with the parenting stuff, but as a broke person with little time to cook, I find batch cooking on my days off helps (I.e. make a huge pot of soup on Sunday to eat throughout the week) and taught myself to cook with budget bytes (cheap easy recipes with things I have on hand). You could also try grocery pickup to save yourself the time and other stuff like that?

14. Solo mom here. Work 55 hours a week working 2 jobs. No child support or family to help.

    The first few years are ROUGH. I don’t know how I did it. I found an affordable in home daycare and that lady became family. Sometimes she would tell me I’m not allowed to get my kid until I go grocery shopping, alone, in peace. She wouldn’t even charge me.

    Meal plan. I use the Mealime app. It streamlined shopping, cooking, eating for me. Easy to cook meals that my kid eats and I love.

    Start making friends. Once your kid is in school they will make friends and they will want playdates and you can start swapping.

    Figure out emergency help. I used my neighbors when I had to call 911 for myself once (I got septic). Get your kid comfortable with your emergency help. I also found a teenager across the street who is responsible and she helps from time to time.

    I wonder if your local Facebook parenting/neighborhood group has meetups for new parents?

    Lastly, therapy. For both of you. Having only one functional parent is a hole that never heals, and solo parenting a young kid, I had a scheduled cry in my car every day between work and daycare pickup. It ensured I never cried in front of my kid, but I needed to lose my shit once a day to get by.

    BetterHelp is $230/mo and you can have therapy on the phone as you drive between work and daycare. That’s what I do to save time..

    As for the OD, explain mommy has a sickness that makes her not make good choices which is why he lives with you. I told my kid her dad has a yelling sickness (schizophrenia) and he is off getting better until he can be around her, but I don’t know when that’ll be, but I reassure her that her dad loves her very much and his absence is not a sign he doesn’t love her. He just needs to be better first.

    Hang in there. It’s no joke, but it gives you a much closer relationship with your kid.

15. Make time each day after dinner to just be there with the kids and play or talk no matter what else you have to do. That’s been my biggest help really decompressing since she left.

16. The fact that you found a day care and covers your shift is one the hardest thing and you got that covered so that’s awesome. You will need to start trying to get your kid to be as independent as possible. I don’t mean you leave him unsupervised for hours. I mean you potty training as early as possible, showing him how to dress himself and pick his own stuff. Meal prepping is also key. Your phone calendar, you will need to use it. I forget everything. So I write everything, not just appointments. I need to pick up groceries, meds, clothes, it all goes in my calendar when it needs to be done. Just remember it gets easier. When I potty trained my son it was so awesome for everyone as it cut down on my morni g prep and he looked happy. Best of luck, also the fact you care about doing a good job means you are doing something right.

17. I am so sorry you have to deal with this, I hate to hear it!

    I am a single father of three, their mothers are still around and we have joint custody, but I was always the responsible one who does pretty much everything and even more so today. So here is some stuff I do

    >Food:

    Invest in pyrex storage containers and meal prep a weeks worth of meals on your day off. Also consider getting a slow cooker you can throw a roast & veggies in in the mornings and when you get home that night you’ll have dinner for a few days.

    I know it seems easy to just make chicken nuggets and french fries or whatever but don’t get your kid stuck on that stuff because its hard to get them to eat right if they develop a taste for junk. Plus it’s actually more expensive in the long run.

    Stock up on frozen veggies, chicken, and whatever meat is on sale at the grocery store. Buy rice, oatmeal, pasta, cereal in bulk (chains like WinCo have a bulk section that helps me save a lot). Buy in bulk whenever possible. Buy the multi packs of meat or ground beef and separate into freezer bags. Etc

    This might sound grandma-ish but collect coupons and try to match them to sale items (download your grocery store app for digital coupons too).

    And if you qualify, there is no shame in getting EBT card. It’s situations like this that EBT exists. We all pay our taxes into this system including yourself so go apply and see what kind of assistance you can get.

    >Time:

    You might need to start waking up a couple hours earlier than you currently do. Use that time to prepare for the day, get caught up on housework, whatever it is you need to get done without 3yr old underfoot. Kiddo goes to bed pretty early, and so will you an hour or so later. Use that time to prep anything for your next day (lunch, get outfits ready, etc)

    Basically you’ll spend most of your free time before/after bed getting shit done. All work and no play is not a good way to live. Eventually you’ll find your groove where you can slot in personal time for yourself.

    >Any of y’all in therapy? I think I’ll need it.

    No, I am not in therapy but think you certainly could look into it. A lot of therapists work over the phone these days so that might help you save on time.

    >Do y’all use your phone calenders to keep appointments? Analogies ones? My memory I absolute trash and I could use suggestions on planners or apps to help.

    I can be forgetful too so I use calendar app to keep track of appointments. I also have Amazon echo dots (Alexa) and I have them set with a crap ton of reminders for things around the house.

    >When my boy asks about Mommy what do I say?

    I am not the best person to give suggestions on this. Talk with family, friends, therapists …maybe some other Redditors might have insight.

    For me, particularly my 2nd wife who I have nothing positive to say about…I change the subject. I know it’s not the best strategy but my little girl isn’t old enough to understand certain things yet so I gently avoid the topic.

    The fact you are even asking these types of questions means you care a lot….and that means you are going to do great! Nose to the grindstone man – but you got this!!

18. Much good advice above. You will get through this.

    I have nothing to add, except to highly recommend a website called BudgetBytes.com for meal help. They have many easy inexpensive recipes, no fancy tools needed, with step by step pictures and instructions.

19. What you are going through is so hard so please give yourself a break.

    Food wise: slow cooker. Do a chicken or some a stew, lasagna etc, stick it all in and dinner for a few days is sorted. Cheaper cuts of beef come out great this way. Eggs are a great source of protein and are quite filling. Se with oat (try get unmilled as they will keep you full for longer).

    Organisation: get all of the clothes out and ready the night before. This includes cereal bowls, cups for drinks etc. This will save you time in the morning. Make lunches the night before and them them in the fridge ready to go, this includes your own. If you child gets food in crèche have a big lunch/ dinner and then a lighter meal in the evening.

    Organisation: clean as you go, don’t put things down, put them away. As you prep food have the dishwasher open or the sink full of hot water. Clean has the kittle boils etc.

    Organisation: have two laundry baskets if you have space for darks and whites. Just throw one in when full, saves you sorting in a hurry.

    Mental health: it is so important that you know that you are doing great right now. Your son is safe and loved. You need a break to yourself every evening, once you are prepared for the next day take 10 minutes to yourself just to relax your mind.

    Toys etc: your son is young, but encourage him to clean with you. Don’t say clean your room, be very specific: you put the trains back in the box while daddy does the books. Once done give another specific job.

    Good luck, breath and mind yourself

20. Ok, so I’m a former family attorney and my advice to single dads, whether their ex was in the picture or not, was to hire a house manager, at least part time. Someone who can do the inside housework and meal prep.

    And I want you to hear this really loudly and clearly ***DO NOT DATE***. if you need a friends with benefits, do that. Better, hire a pro. Too many men rush into relationships after divorce or losing the woman in their lives who runs things in order to have someone manage their homes and children for free and that is the biggest mistake and recipe for disaster. Get yourself and your kid into therapy, focus on your kid’s emotionally and mental sense of safety.

21. Sorry to hear you’re going through this. It’s going to be overwhelming to start with…. but you’ll get the hang of things fairly quickly… it’s not easy, but you’ve got this… just by asking for help, you’ve put yourself way above the power curve. And don’t become a casualty yourself… if you need more help, keep asking.

    There’s lots of good advice here: the one thing I’d recommend for you and your son is good nutrition… and slow cookers are your friend here. You can get cheap cuts of meat (chicken thighs, beef shin, stewing steak etc), chuck them in the pot with some veg/ pasta for 8 hrs and you’ll have a great meal. Buy some cheap plastic containers, divide the food into individual portions and chuck them in the freezer. You’ll always have something healthy and quick to serve up. When your son goes onto solids, just give home the same as you, blended. The good thing about slow cookers, is that it all just goes in one pot… really easy. If you’re stuck for recipes, try this guy on instagram… he’s brilliant and the food is delicious… we’ve had the honey garlic chicken noodles going all day… everyone’s looking forward to dinner, the house smells amazing and there’ll be leftovers for the freezer.

    [Bored Of Lunch](https://instagram.com/boredoflunch?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==)

    Everyone should try therapy… as an ex-military guy, almost everyone I know has sought help in one form or another. There’s nothing weak about asking for help… you’re doing this not just for you, but for your son too.

    Best of luck buddy… I hope things get easy for you.

22. 3 year olds are picky as all hell, find something they’ll actually eat and stick with it. Don’t worry about creating fancy super healthy meals that take 2 hours to prep. Absolutely make sure they’re not eating crap all the time but they can badicslly survive on just chicken nuggets.

    My go to foods are Annie’s Mac n Cheese, broccoli cucumber baby carrots and ranch, spaghetti, chicken and rice. All fast snd easy, and can be made in larger quantities and reheated later.

    Time just takes getting used to, add 30% to h9w long you think getting ready will take.

    Therapy yes, 99.9% of people should be on therapy.

    Go to staples and buy one if those 2′ x 3′ paper calendars with the huge cube days. And then when a white board and mount them on your wall. Also use your phone calendar. Having a huge schedule right there for all to see helps immensely and I would be lost without it. Any other info goes on the white board, then I always take photos of them both. Then there’s no small lists or notes to lose

    I would start your relationship with your kid off on the truth. A filtered truth, but don’t behin his life with lies. Something like “mommy loves you very much but she made some mistakes and has to go fix a few things before she can come back” but the most critical thing you have ti hell him is that he did nothing wrong snd none of this is his fault.

    There’s a greet book called “how to talk so kids will listen” that’s been a huge help in my life

23. Cooking never takes me much time. Frozen food is not bad since these days it gets frosted so quickly.

    Spinach, peas, peas and carrots. Basic stuff. Pasta or little (mashed) potatoes. A yummy desert. Some meat or fish in the pan. Easily done in twenty minutes. I do daily chores together, especially the supermarket. Do yourself a favor and set up the table in the evening.

    And to the benefit of yourself and your child: PLAYDATES.

    Some people set up circles where people take turns and free up a lot of time while their child socializes and has fun.

    Let people know you could use a hand, most parents will be very understanding.

24. Hi, former single mom here, lurking and commiserate with what you’re going through.

    First, I’m so sorry to hear about your wife, I hope the road to recovery and healing goes well. You are facing a lot, and kudos for mentioning therapy, great that you’re getting that started!

    Re: staying organized on your schedule – YES, use your phone calendar! Set time on Sunday (or the night before the start of your week if you’re not Monday to Friday) and review what the week ahead has. You can set alarms for specific days and times if you need to be reminded to leave early (my kid had a music class on Thursdays at 4, so the alarm was set for Thursdays at 3, to get us back to wherever his instrument was in case we were out). When you’re adding things to your calendar do it as soon as you know what it is… day care closures, work events, appointments, all go right in… I build in a little buffer, either a separate block for travel time or adding it to the calendar with it built in and saying what time the actual appointment is (“doctor appointment at 2:30” with the block on my calendar being from 1:30 to 4) just to make sure we get where we’re going on time in a realistic manner.

    As far as getting out the door, pack up what you need the night before and have most of it by the front door. You can put a list of what you need on the door, too, and when your son gets older you can have one for him to help. I kept all our shoes and a basket of socks by the front door just because finding those items and getting them on was the hardest part of my son’s routine.

    Some other tips… be OK with outsourcing… deli salads and rotisserie chicken can be fine for dinners, not quite scratch but cheaper than take out. Other easy dinners that are perfectly fine are sandwiches, eggs, charcuterie (line grown up lunchables), cereal… just get a rotation going so you don’t get in a rut. People have mentioned other good reddit subs, but the meal planning one may be helpful to you once you get a bit further in.

    For house stuff, outsourcing is again your friend here, we can’t do it all. Get your laundry done; there are apps where you pay people to do it, or you can find a laundromat that does this (these are usually by the pound, so i washed towels and jeans at home and sent all the shirts, undies, and other clothes, but the best thing is that it comes back all folded and ready to put away). I just did it once a month but it made a huge difference when I felt like I was drowning in daily chores.

    Other long term outsourcing… I got a roomba and had my kid do a quick pick up at night before running it when I went to bed.

    Good luck! It will get better, this will be like body building, your muscles in this area will become defined and things become easier!

25. Sorry to hear that. For meals, ChatGPT has been giving me amazing meal ideas. You can specify how long prep should take, max ingredients, dietary restrictions, kid friendly, budget friendly. It will even make an easy shopping list.

26. I’m glad to hear that your wife survived her relapse. I’m assuming that despite her major illness and legal troubles that she still loves you and your son very much and will want to help. If you can talk to her and tell her what you’re struggling with, she may be able to offer suggestions or solutions. This might also give her a positive problem-solving thing to focus on while she’s dealing with a lot of negatives, and may help remind her what she has in her life to drive her recovery. Obviously I don’t know her situation, but if you don’t have to cut her off entirely because of where she’s at right now, there’s probably no one in the world with a better understanding of your struggles and needs.

    Beans, rice, potatoes, frozen veggies, spices, salsa, and tortillas will make good and filling tacos and take very little time to prepare.

    For inexpensive food options do a search for “Dave Ramsey meal plan”. People who are living extremely frugally share their recipes under that title.

27. Not a single dad and I’m so sorry for this hard situation, I see you trying your best to take care of yourself and your kiddo. You’re doing great.

    I do want to offer a recipe I cook often and it’s budget friendly and fairly healthy and minimal cleanup:

    I call it Beans™

    -1 bag frozen corn

    -2-3 bell peppers, chopped

    -1 can pinto beans, drained

    -1 can black beans, drained

    -1 jar of salsa of your choice

    -ground turkey/beef for protein, as much as you want

    -preferred spices or toppings (I like adding goat cheese)

    -batch of brown or white rice to add as a starch/carb, measure amount as needed

    Literally throw everything (except the rice, you cook it separately) into a pot and cook on med-low for about 20 minutes. Precook the meat if you’re adding it, then toss it in the pot too.

    When it’s all done just pile on top of a scoop of rice, add any cheese/toppings, and eat. It’s warm, tasty, and makes enough food for multiple servings. You can play with the amounts of ingredients to get more bang for your buck.

    Good luck to you and wife and kiddo💜

28. First off, I’m so sorry you are going through this. Second, yes to therapy, you and your boy will be thankfully you did later on. As for food, worry about getting food in him for now. Obviously healthy food is ideal, think healthy snacking type foods to keep around. Once you get things sorted out a little more maybe meal plan on the weekends or prepare meals for the week.

    My wife and I use Google calendar for all our stuff so we know what’s going on. You got this, but be fair to yourself. You are also experiencing a lot of trauma right now. It’s ok to break down and show emotion.

29. Food.

    Sundays Meal prep

    Cook big batches of chicken thighs, or drum sticks. Also, make 6 cups of rice (cook in chicken or beef broth), and some broccolli. All told this would take a couple of hours of your sunday.

    Partition them out so you get one lunch of chicken, rice and broccolli per day. It’s boring but it’s filling.

    For chicken I use lemon pepper w/some salt, salt, pepper and garlic powder on broccolli, and the rice cooked in broth adds a lot of flavor.

    Dinner’s keep it simple, pasta with sauce, or what ever your son wants to eat.

    Breakfast, whatever you son wants to eat, and for you, get some musellii, add almond milk with it and leave in the fridge before you go to bed. It will be ready in the morning for you to eat.

    Schedules,

    We have a whiteboard by the door that leads to our garage and we put anything important on that for the week.

    Time

    Before you go to bed, have your son help you pick out his clothes, and you guys set them aside in a chair in his room.

    Get up an hour before you wake your son up. Caffeine and make a to-do list for the day.

    Start working on him to help with your routine. Get him used to getting up, getting dressed, eating breakfast, and getting his shoes on. You would be surprised how quickly kids fall into a routine and LOVE IT! He will start to remind you of what’s next soon enough.

    Yourself

    Put him to bed at a decent time, and stay up for at least an hour before you go to to bed.

    Start your day with a solo hour, and end it with a solo hour. It helps your mental state tremendously.

    That’s how I lived when I became a single dad because my kids mother went into rehab for drug addiction.

    I was at work and my son was found walking around the parking lot of her apt’s in a diaper, because she was passed out high on a mattress on the floor of her bedroom.

    I understand your pain.

30. Plenty of good advices above already.

    You seem to do your best and that’s what counts. Your kid will grow up and will become more and more independent. So, in the long run, things will ease up.

    It’s ok to not be perfect. Good enough, is enough.

    You’re doing great even if things are hard.
    You’ll figure it out, one day at a time.

    You got this!

31. 🧐

32. I’m in similar shoes a little further down the road.

    I’m going to be honest, the only way I’ve made it this far is because my mom is basically raising my daughter for me.

    Find someone to reach out to for your own mental health, it’s going to put you in a really dark place for a little while.

33. >Do y’all use your phone calenders to keep appointments? Analogies ones? My memory I absolute trash and I could use suggestions on planners or apps to help.

    I cannot even fathom the situation you are going through right now but I can at least address this question with my own personal experience since I am not a parent nor expert.

    ​

    I am not a tradesman. I work in tech, but yes I use Google Calendar to sync up all my appointments and day-to-day schedules. Using tools to keep your days structured and keep up with your schedule is literally life-changing. Google Calendar is useful because in addition to being able to manually add in appointments/events, if you ever receive any emails to your Gmail it will automatically add it to your calendar as long as you click accept on the event. It knows if you have conflicting timeslots too and will alert you. A lot of other apps/software have Google Calendar integration since it is so popular and can also add in appointments or even notify you of upcoming events. If you ever receive a URL associated with the appointment/event (such as a Zoom link) it will add that link to your calendar so that you don’t need to go fishing through your email to find the link. You can click and access it directly through the calendar. I use Google Calendar religiously. I really hope this has been even a little bit useful for you.

34. first things first! this is a horrid story, and you gotta be strong for yourself and your kid.

    not sure where you live, but get to citizens advice, consider cutting them hours right down to be there for the kid. if your in uk, logistics would be made easier thanks for the benefit system.

    Good luck! stay strong, if you wanna talk, im here.

35. Annie’s makes Mac and Cheese in various flavors that are low-effort and tasty right from the box. Just follow the package directions and toss in whatever protein you like for extra deliciousness.

36. My wife got sick with covid and hasn’t really recovered to 100% so I do a lot… She’s back to work but I do most of the “boring stuff”. It’s going to be tough. I work as a doctor. 48 Hours a week. Nights and Weekends.

    Firstly? Good enough is not the enemy of perfect. Don’t kick yourself because you aren’t Insta perfect.

    Secondly? You got anyone who can help you out. Either childcare or meal prep?

    What helps is getting into a routine. A routine helps because it also modulates expectations.

    Meal Prep? This is my jam. I used to be a chef for my grandmother’s place. Firstly? Bulk and Multiple use.

    Breakfast? Porridge Oats is your friend. It’s a good foundation + slow release energy. Single child portion + milk + microwave is a 3 to 4 minute job. Add a spoonful of jam and some strawberries/blueberries and you have a sweet and tasty breakfast that kids love and is good for them. Cereal is EASIER but the extra 2 minutes to make porridge saves you from a sugar crash. Get them onto porridge, and don’t make a rod for your own back. And you can make porridge taste super unhealthy while remaining healthy. Remember a bowl of frosties of 100 g is TWELVE grams of sugar. A teaspoon of maple syrup is a THIRD of that. And the sugar from fruit is far nicer. This is tastier than sugary cereal and the baselayer of slow carbs will keep your 3 year old from turning into a grumpy lunatic like all kids that age become if they get hangry.

    Ensure fruit is available. Satsumas are great because they are teeny oranges of the right size. Same with Bananas.

    Meal plan the whole week. Monday to Friday. I assume lunch is done at nursery. And here’s the thing. Keep a few cans of soup so you can make easy meals if you need the gap.

    SO I got two. My routine is this.

    My kids are up at 0600 to 0630. The older one is 5 and gets to use a tablet until 0700. I get up around this time because of all the banging about. 0700 and things start moving. TV on for them. I see no shame in using the TV as an entertainer to give me space to make breakfast. Porridge recipes are strawberry jam with real strawberry cut on top, banana and maple syrup, raspberries and jam. (You need a little sweetener). That takes around 3 minutes to make but while the microwave is running? Fire up a coffee and toast for myself. They eat breakfast, I eat mine. I then go shower and brush and get ready for work. Drop the youngest at nursery, then oldest at school and then go to work. My wife’s left for work earlier so does the evening bits from 5 PM til 630 PM when they go to bed (Bed, Bath, Story Time? That’s effectively 730PM which is more reasonable).

    Some good cooking investments? Food processor.

    a) You will be surprised how many veggies you can cram into a toddler if blendedb) Quick cutting onion/celery and carrots for base is vital to tonnes of cuisine.

    Cutting up onions and putting them in a sealable bag is useful.

    Nothing wrong with pre-packaged pasta sauces. It’s just that american ones have tonnes of sugar and being British we are spoilt for ones that are more traditional and less “sugar intense”. Couple of simple sauces? Can of tomatoes with onion, celery and carrots (fry in a little oil til onions are translucent, add garlic and then a tin of tomatoes) can bail you out of sauce trouble.

    Indian Stores – Onions with pre-made spice mixes and Lentils is a handy meal and if you make rice? Make more than a day’s worth so the next day you can make fried rice from the leftovers.

    Don’t sleep on sandwiches as an easy meal. Tin of Heinz Tomato Soup + half a grilled cheese is an easy meal and kids love dipping food!

    Oh and tortilla, cucumber, sauce, cut cheddar cheese and ham = children’s cheeseboard. Again kids love it and you can make a ham sandwich with a few more ingredients.

    Ensure you get 2 to 3 meals of what you want. Putting in the effort for it may sound mental but you can’t eat like a child! You will go insane and break.

    Oh and get a cleaner. Trust me. It’s worth it. It helps reduce your stress. Tidy as you go but someone who will clean your toilets and your kitchen and give the floor a hoover is just golden.

    It’s difficult right now because you have to do everything but it’s like Milo of Croton… It will become easier when it’s routine.

    And when you are done? Go to bed, put something up on your phone or TV and watch it. Let it be mindless. Be zen. Read a book if you like. Take care of yourself.

    It’s hard to explain but you sort of begin to see the spaces and your efficiency improves.

    Oh! And Tidy Time Helps. I got an amazon echo program that goes off at a point in the day that says “it’s Tidy Time” and plays music and everyone has a little dance party and tidies up. It stops them making a mess and gets them in the habit of tidying up. It’s not perfect but it’s good enough. The mess is contained. If we got visitors it’s an easy fix to make it perfect.

    And here’s a recipe that’s cheap and “adult”. Cook spaghetti to al-dente. In a frying pan heat olive oil up while the spaghetti is cooking to shimmering hot and then chuck in some thinly sliced garlic. Cook until they just start changing colour and then turn off the heat. The residual heat from the oil should cook the garlic to golden. Toss in the pasta, juice of half a lime, some of the pasta cooking water and parsley. Salt and Pepper to taste. It’s a good meal and makes you feel like you “adulted”. It’s not a ready meal. And it’s things you have around the house. It’s cheap. It’s genuinely better than the some of its parts. Like? I made this for dates and no man or woman has been able to resist it.

    If you have help? Make sure you use it. Someone holding your kid for a bit so you can clean and have a moment of peace is important. The people who think they can do it all? Often don’t have kids. I love my 2 but sometimes they need to go sit with my mum so I can watch a show with adult swearing! Or where I can eat something they won’t like but I will.

    My wife got better too. I hope yours will. It sucks but it does get better. In time you will be an engine of house work. A blur of everything.

    Oh and do laundry while watching TV. It helps with the monotony of the job (I hate laundry)

37. I was lucky in that case have my mom to help with child care. For food it can be helpful to cook when you have time and to cook enough for a few days . You don’t need to make anything fancy just something somewhat nutritious that your child will eat. My son has severe autism so his meals are usually mashed up sweet potatoes with veggies or fruit mixed in.

    I like to use my phone calendar with a loud alert with 24 hour warnings. So it alerts me the day before it’s due. I also keep a calendar in the living room I go to it to check for the week and then will attempt to show my son what our week will look like.

    The beginning is always difficult but over time a routine will develop that will make your days start off faster. The n regards to talking to him about her it’s best to let him know she is sick and you don’t know yet when she will be better. Check with her doctors to see if she will be well enough to record a message for your son and record voice memos that you can play for her or send her. With a recorded memo you can control and judge if she is going to say something that will harm your son and stop it from getting to him. Right now he doesn’t need to know about the details of addiction and overdose. Be sure to check in with him to see how he is feeling. Validate his feelings and if you feel the same (like missing her) let him know you miss her too.

38. Props to you. You got this. Organization is now your jam, whether you want it to be or not. Here’s how I survived single parenting two kids and held a full time, non- wtf job.

    Wall calendar next to fridge. Your best friend. Everything goes on it. All appointments. Take pics regularly. Set up reminders in your phone.

    Meals for a toddler aren’t too hard. Buy fruits, bags of baby carrots, bags of sugar snap peas. String cheese, hard boiled eggs. Rotisserie chickens. Crackers. Yogurt tubes (best for treats though as they’re high in sugar). If you’re cooking for yourself, make extra. Kid can have some of it and you have less to prep through the week. Easy meals can be a bit of cubed chicken, a few strawberries and a few baby carrots. Weekends can be pancakes and fruit, or scrambled eggs with spinach in it.

    Keep the names, addresses and phone numbers of all doctors and dentists in your phone. You will be writing those down 1,000 times over the years.

    Sunday is laundry day. Get it all done and sorted. Make him outfits for the week that you can just grab in the morning. Iron anything that might need it.

    Work nights: make his daycare bag, food and snacks.

    Mornings: wake up early enough to get yourself completely ready and THEN get him ready. Leave wiggle room for any tantrums, accidents or whatever.

39. Here’s what I did when I fell into similar situation….set one day aside for meal prep….make enough meals to cover 3 or 4 days